Age Means Nothing
by Accio-Underwear
Summary: Ike always liked older blondes. CRACK PAIRING
1. Twelve

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park_

_I have to say, I really like this pairing. I don't know why, I just do. I also love reviews and opinions being expressed but there's a line between simply expressing your opinion and trashing anothers. Please don't cross that line. _

_**Warning – Crack pairing**_

* * *

Twelve year old Ike Broflovski curled up on the far corner of the couch as his older brother and his friends gathered around a radio on the floor, cell phones in hand. Actually, only Kyle Broflovski, Stan Marsh and Eric Cartman had cell phones. Kenny McCormick held Kyle's wireless house phone in his hands instead. He observed as the older boys, in their last year of high school, stared at the radio, listening intently. Whenever a song played, they talked to each other in quick excitement and hushed voices, completely unaware of Ike until Kyle glanced up at his younger brother, registering his existence with a look of relief.

"Oh, hey Ike," He started in a curious tone, "We're trying to get tickets to Terrance and Phillip's show in Denver tomorrow night so we can't leave the radio. Do you think you could get us some cookies and milk?"

Ike frowned, he knew his brother and the other boys had been obsessed with Terrance and Phillip for most of their lives, even saving the pair's lives against his own mother's war and later getting them together after they broke up. The younger boy admitted that he wasn't a huge fan, he watched once in a while and laughed at the juvenile jokes with Kyle but he never took too much of an interest. He simply did it so that he could spend time with the older brother he idolized.

"They're giving away tickets?" He asked in an attempt to bond with his brother a bit more.

Kyle nodded quickly, his attention turning to the radio again, "Yeah, four front row seats. I heard they actually fart on the audience this time." He replied in excitement.

Ike honestly didn't see what was so appealing about that, especially when the farters were thirty-nine and forty-one year old men.

"If we get farted on, that would be _so_ sweet," Cartman piped up, his fingers ready to dial.

"So, cookies Ike?" Kyle asked again, glancing quickly at his younger brother.

Ike frowned and nodded shortly, figuring that he wasn't going to get much from Kyle for a while. If the boys didn't get the tickets, Kyle would be moping about and wouldn't be any fun. If they did, the Ike would hardly see his brother since he'd probably be out with Stan, Kenny, and Cartman until the actual show. Either way, it was a loss for Ike.

He slid off the couch and made his way into the kitchen. Sheila and Gerald were out grocery shopping so it was just the boys. Ike was mildly thankful that his brother's friends had something to do because such occasion tended to lead to Kenny teaching him unwanted dirty jokes while Cartman sat on him and preformed various forms of torture such as wet willies, pink bellies, tittie twisters and Indian burns. He opened the cupboard that the snacks were generally kept and pulled out a new package of chocolate chip cookies before tugging out five glasses of milk and an already started gallon of milk before trudging back into the living room.

The other four boys eagerly accepted their glasses and cookies and Ike returned to his spot on the couch, sipping his milk and watching the eighteen year olds curiously. For at least fifteen minutes the boys just munched, drank and talked quietly amongst themselves, forgetting about the younger boy who had just brought them their treats.

All of the sudden, out of the blue, they panicked dropping the food and setting down their glasses and dialing their phones. The room was silent, all five boys alert until Kyle nearly squealed.

"I got it, I got through!"

Stan, Kenny, and Cartman hung up their phones and Stan turned the volume up ever so slightly as Kyle pressed his phone as deeply into his hear as possible.

"And who is are we speaking to?" The DJ, a fairly annoying man, asked enthusiastically.

"This is Kyle Broflovski," The redhead replied, a large grin growing on his face.

"Well, Kyle, are you ready to answer the question that will earn the four front row tickets to Terrance and Phillip's new show 'Farts of Fury'?" The DJ asked.

Kyle bounced as his friends leaned in curiously, "Yes," He replied cheerfully, "I am!"

"Alright! You have thirty seconds to answer." The man said before his voice got intent, "A man was to be sentenced and the judge told him, "You may make a statement. If it is true, I'll sentence you to four years in prison. If it is false, I'll sentence you to six years in prison." After the man made his statement, the judge decided to let him go free. What did the man say?"

Kenny, Stan and Cartman's mouths dropped open and Kyle looked shocked. His mouth moved as his brain worked, small noises escaping his throat.

"Ten seconds…." The DJ announced starting to count down.

Ike leapt off the couch, snatching the phone from his older brother, "He said, "You'll sentence me to six years in prison'!" The younger boy exclaimed.

Kyle gave him a look, tilting his head and furrowing his eyebrows. Cartman looked at him like he was an idiot and Stan and Kenny were trading nervous glances. Apparently they all thought he was wrong, so he simply ignored them and rolled his eyes.

"That is…." The DJ played the sound of a drum rolling, "Correct!" Surprised gasps filled the room, "Congratulations, you've got four front row seats to Terrance and Phillip!"

Ike handed the phone back to Kyle, who eagerly traded information with the person he was connected to and Ike resumed his place on the couch, sipping milk. His brother's friends were studying him carefully, trying to figure out the puzzle he had just answered.

He rolled his eyes and sighed once Kyle hung up, "If the statement was true, then the judge would have to make it false by sentencing the guy to four years. If it was false, then he would have to give him six years, which would make it true. Rather than contradict his own word, the judge set the man free." He explained.

Stan looked like he still didn't get it, Kenny silently absorbed the information and Cartman muttered that he knew the answer but wanted to see if Kyle could get it. Kyle stared at his younger brother in thanks and awe, a smile spreading across his face as he moved towards the couch. He pulled his little brother down, wrapping his arms around Ike's neck and squeezed him into a tight embrace.

"Ike, you are the best little brother a guy can have!" He exclaimed.

Ike felt his heart flutter giddily at the fact that he'd made his older brother proud of him and he eagerly hugged back.

"Gay!"

Kyle ripped away from his little brother, sending Cartman a chilling glare, "He just won us our tickets, fatass!" Kyle growled. "You should be thanking him!"

"Kyle's right, dude," Stan agreed before looking at Ike and offering a smile, "Thanks for getting the answer right."

Ike's smile widened as Kenny nodded in agreement and he could feel his face flush. Not only was Kyle proud of him, but so were the boys whom he considered secondary older brothers, except for Cartman of course.

Of course, the good feelings left when the older boys left him to go pick up their tickets from the radio station.

* * *

Ike lay on Kyle's bed as he watched the redhead and Kenny McCormick dig for Kyle's digital camera. Actually, Kyle dug while Kenny suggested that after the show they pick up chicks and have some fun as he worked with Kyle's hair gels, scupting his wild blonde locks.

Ike liked Kenny; the blonde was generally a very nice person. He never really got selfish unless it came to food or Eric Cartman. And even then, he'd offer a bit to Ike. The younger boy saw him like an older brother, though not as reasonable as Stan and Kyle, Kenny had the wisdom that only came from experience. He constantly asked Ike if he was doing drugs and if he ever even thought about it, to visit and talk first. Kenny also instilled the horrors of unsafe sex, which was better than the abstinence speeches he got from his parents, and would always answer Ike's questions about life after death.

Kenny never seemed wary of having such conversations because he claimed it gave him practice whenever he decided to take on an atheist or existentialist in Hell. 'Because it's so much fun to rub it in their faces,' he would often say, earning an amused giggle from Ike.

"There it is, Kyle," the blonde said, moving for the camera that sat on Kyle's windowsill. Unknown to him, Kyle's skateboard was under a sweatshirt and he stepped on it, flying forwards and crashing through the second story window. There was a dull thud as Kenny hit the ground and passed on, blood pooling around him as broken glass rained on his body.

"Goddammit," Kyle muttered as he and Ike peered down at the window. He glanced at Ike and bit his lip, thinking for a moment before decided to speak, "You know, we have an extra ticket…" He started, "And you did answer the question that won them…" Ike could feel his hear beat faster, the thought of going out somewhere with his older brother and friends running through his mind eagerly and Kyle gave him a look, "You help me clean up Kenny's body and you can come."

Ike's face lit up and he ran out of the room, scrambling down the stairs and out the back door. Thankfully, the horde of rats that seemed to follow Kenny everywhere were already working at dragging the blonde's limp body away and Ike simply had to hose down the blood and clean up the glass. It was a simple job, though he had obtained a nasty cut on his palm.

A very nasty cut actually.

Kyle had come out to find his brother squatting over his own hand and forcing back small whimpers, obviously trying to hide the fact that he was hurt. The redhead gasped at the gash and yanked his brother to his feet and talked about rushing to the doctors. Ike cried harder, profusely apologizing for ruining the best night of his older brother's life so far.

The next thing Ike knew, he was sitting on an examination table getting his hand stitched up as Kyle rubbed his back soothingly and a nurse was asking him which flavor lollipop he wanted.

"B-But aren't those bad for your teeth?" He asked, sniffling.

The doctor chuckled, "We're doctors, not dentists, and we could care less if your teeth rot." And then he and the nurse laughed more.

Ike accepted a cherry flavored lollipop and stared at his bandaged hand as Kyle led him out of the building and to his car. He looked at his brother, who didn't at all seem distressed. "I'm sorry if we missed it," He apologized, bucking his seatbelt as the candy sat in his mouth.

Kyle gave a soft laugh as he turned on the car, "It doesn't start for another four hours," he replied before glancing at his baby brother, "How's your hand?"

"The drugs are helping a lot."

"It's probably going to scar."

Ike 'hmmed' and started at his bandaged hand further. He remembered Kenny once telling him that girls found scars attractive if they came with the right story. He also remembered the blonde telling him that Kyle had once told a girl his kidney scar was because he was saving a fat pathetic little boy instead of it actually being the other way around. Apparently it got Kyle a date though.

They returned home, explaining to their mother what had happened. She fussed of Ike and almost didn't let him go with Kyle, Stan and Cartman but after begging, she soon gave in. She was probably looking forward to a night without her sons and just her husband.

Kyle shooed his brother upstairs, pointing out the blood splattered all over the younger boy's shirt. Ike pulled on a white shirt and light blue sweater and fixed his hair ever so slightly. He smiled at his reflection in the mirror next to his closet before eagerly returning to his old brother, who then once again, led him out to his car.

They picked up Stan first, who smiled at Ike and didn't question his presence, probably figuring out that Kenny had passed on and Kyle offered the last ticket to the boy. It was, after all, fair since Ike was the one who won the tickets. Cartman was less kind and demanded to know why the 'Goddamn midget Jew' was there and not Kenny. Ike had rolled his eyes at the larger boy's 'fond' nickname for him and Kyle argued with him and eventually turned on music to tune Cartman as they made their small road-trip to Denver.

The parking lot was crowded and traffic was slow moving as the ushers worked each car into a parking space. It had taken nearly twenty minutes and the walk itself was far from the arena. Walking hurriedly, the boys rushed eagerly inside. They kept grip of each other and their own tickets as they joined a mob of people who were eagerly trying to get inside. Eventually, the boys got in and found their seats.

Ike had to admit that even his heart raced at the fact that they were in the front row and practically a hair-breath away from the actual Terrance and Phillip.

After nearly another thirty minutes, the lights of the theater dimmed and Terrance and Phillip came on stage with music blasting, lights flicker and them waving about. Ike heard Kyle muttered that they looked the same as ten years ago and Cartman merely scoffed beside him.

"Everyone knows Canadians don't age once they hit twenty five."

Ike idly wondered if that was true but snapped back into attention as Terrance started talking.

"Say Phillip, what did the priest say to the rabbi?"

"I don't know. What did the priest say to the rabbi, Terrance?"

Ike glanced at his brother and friends as they laughed hysterically at the fart Terrance had produced. He wondered why he had felt excited earlier and glanced up at the two performers, wrinkling his nose slightly as they produced more squeaks and toots while laughing just as hysterically. His eyes trailed along the row, noting that everyone he looked at in the audience was laughing just as hard.

This was just stupid.

Ike sighed and watched anyway, noting that after a while, Phillip was giving him annoyed and frustrated looks while everyone else laughed. He felt as though sinking down in his seat would be the best thing to do but his pride got in the way and he continued to sit up straight, watching the performers intensely and trying to figure out why they'd resort to fart jokes. They'd probably be amazing actors if they didn't resort to such idiocy.

God, he sounded like his mother.

The next thing he knew, he was being tugged onto the stage by Phillip and planted into a wooden chair. His eyes struggled to adjust to the hot lights that were aimed at the stage and he glanced at Kyle, who was looking excited. He then glanced at Terrance and Phillip, both looking painfully cross.

"So you don't think our jokes are funny, do you, buddy?" Phillip asked in a rather sharp tone.

Ike stared up at him and shrugged, "No, not really."

There was a series of gasps in the crowd and Kyle was now burying his face in his hands. Ike winced slightly, knowing his brother wasn't going to be too happy with him after all this was over.

"Well what about this?!" Terrance demanded before abruptly, but not unexpectedly, farting near Ike's face.

"Or this?" Phillip did the same.

"And this!"

Ike shrugged once...whatever it was they were trying to accomplish was over and he feeling rather gross, not that he'd let them know that though, "It's kinda sad." He stated, glancing up at both of them. Terrance huffed, storming off the stage and Ike looked up at Phillip. Their eyes were locked for what felt like forever. Phillip looked like he wanted to say something but his expression made it seem like he was having some sort of revelation. Ike decided to cut it off, "Can I go back to my seat now?" He asked, playing with the bandage on his hand absently.

Phillip blinked, snapping out of whatever trance he seemed to be in and glanced at Ike's hand and then around, noting that his partner was not on the stage. "Uh…yeah…sure," He replied distractedly, watching Ike calmly get up and hop off the stage to sit down with his brother, who was now shooting him scolding looks. His gaze then followed the audience and he straightened, plastering a grin on his face, "We'll be right back, folks! Terrance just had to go eat some beans!"

The crowd cheered as he walked off the stage, glancing quickly to the young boy again and frowning when their eyes met.

Damn, that kid was creepy.


	2. Sixteen

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park_

* * *

Sixteen year old Ike Broflovski curled his arms around his body, behind him he could hear teenage girls laughed at his silly hat and scarf and his scowl deepened. It was below freezing and he was the first one in line. He'd been the first person in this line for three days now, living off the cocoa his brother brought him and peeing in the empty water bottles he'd brought along for his camp out experience.

A young woman stepped into the booth he stood before and pulled away the 'closed' sign. He stepped up, his heart racing as heat rushed to his face due to the elation he was feeling. He had, after all, been saving for this for four fucking years.

"I'd like a first row ticket to the Terrance and Phillip show please. Center."

She gave him an odd look, ringing up the price that was…fairly intense. He swallowed hard before handing over his debit card, surrendering the money he'd saved over four years just so he could do this. He hoped to God it wasn't a mistake.

The young woman gave him his ticket and he held it close, accepting the receipt as well. He offered her a smile, said his thanks and then ran off, allowing the line to move one step. He nearly slipped three times on his way home and a grin spread across his face as soon as he was inside. He eyed his father, Gerald, who was sitting on the couch watching the news. Ike tugged off his winter clothes, striped scarf and hat, his grip tight on the ticket before walking over and sitting down next to his dad.

He waited patiently for commercial, and then shifted to face his father. Gerald did the same, regarding his son curiously.

"Can I borrow the car Friday night?" He asked.

"What do you need it for?" Gerald asked curiously, though the answer was probably yes since it had been a while since he and Sheila had 'alone' time.

Ike showed him the ticket, "I'm going to see Terrance and Phillip." He replied.

Gerald gave a slight frown, his eyes glancing quickly to the kitchen before he leaned forward slightly. He wasn't sure why his youngest son was so interested in the farting actors, but he figured it had something to do with the show he and Kyle went to four years prior. He didn't know what happened there though, neither boy talked about it. "You know how your mother feels about them," He said in a hushed tone.

Ike nodded with a soft sigh, "Yeah, I know but I already bought the ticket and-"

Gerald held up a hand to silence his son, "Are you going with anyone?" He asked. "I'm not sure if I want you going to Denver alone…"

Ike forced a grin and nodded, "Yeah, Filmore is going," He lied. Filmore couldn't stand him. They were like the equivalent of Kyle and Eric Cartman only there was much more dislike involved. It wasn't that Ike hadn't tried to be Filmore's friend; the older boy just didn't like him. Nobody really did actually; he was the weird smart kid. He was a bit of a loner. "Besides, Dad, I'm a senior in high school, I can take care of myself."

"You're also only sixteen, Ike," Gerald reminded, his attention drifting as the news came back on, "If Filmore is going; you can go. But tell your mother its some science convention or something, alright?"

Ike smiled brightly and nodded before getting up and running upstairs to his room. He grabbed his phone off the counter and dialed his older brother's number.

Kyle had moved out two years after graduating high school. He, Stan and Kenny shared a three bedroom apartment near the college they attended and worked part time jobs. He barely saw his brother due to the busy schedule of a college student but Kyle had told him his classes and work schedule so that Ike could call and be able to actually get a hold of Kyle. Right now wasn't one of those cases but the raven haired boy simply couldn't wait.

"Hi, you're calling Kyle Broflovski, I'm not here right now so please lea-Kenny, get your hands out of my pants, goddammit!"

Ike's grin widened at the familiar giggle of the blonde that occurred before the beep, "Hey Kyle, its Ike. Guess where I'm going?"

* * *

Ike sat comfortably in his seat, tugging at his shirt and undershirt so they'd get out of their awkward positions. He was having so much trouble deciding what to wear for the show but he was soon pleased to find that his mother had a box of 'Blame Canada' shirts up in their attic.

He'd say that he wasn't trying to draw attention, but that would be lying.

The lights dimmed, the music started and Terrance and Phillip came on stage. Ike decided that Cartman right when saying four years ago that Canadians simply didn't age after twenty five, because both were in their forties and they looked barely thirty. They were greeting the audience when Phillip's eyes scanned the front row and caught Ike's gaze. His eyes flickered to the boy's shirt and then back to making eye contact as his brow furrowed.

Ike honestly didn't think they would notice so quickly.

"What the fuck is this aboot?!" Terrance demanded once he caught sight of Ike's shirt. Ike blinked innocently, cocking his head to the side and furrowing his brow as if visibly wondering if this was part of the act or not. Terrance issued a growl and nudged Phillip, who assisted him in tugging Ike onto the stage. "What is with that shirt?!" He demanded.

Ike blinked, adjusting to the lights as he was, for the second time in his life, on stage with Terrance and Phillip in an audience. And for the second time in his life, they were pissed off at him. He couldn't help but feel rather proud of this accomplishment and momentarily wondered if he was a juvenile delinquent. He kept his face straight and gave a shrug, "It's an ironic statement."

The performers stared at him in surprise and annoyance. "How the _hell_ is it an ironic statement?!" Phillip asked, "We _suffered _in that war!"

There were gasps from the audience but obviously the people were thinking this was part of the show.

Ike shrugged again, "I know." He replied calmly.

They eyed the teenager and then each other. Terrance stormed offstage for a second and Ike looked at Phillip. The blonde studied him for a moment before his eyes widened in realization before he snapped his head up to look at Terrance, who had a large man following him. Ike groaned, over a thousand dollars for that seat and he was already being kicked out. Oh well.

"That's it kid, you are out of here!" Terrance declared.

"Oh, hey, wait!" Phillip tugged at the large man and quickly whispered something at the man's ear.

He got a questioning look but then a short nod and the next thing Ike knew, his shoulder was gripped and he was roughly dragged off the stage. He glanced back curiously at the pair, Terrance was straightening up and plastering on a smile as Phillip peered after the boy being dragged off. The security guard turned a sharp corner, dragging Ike with him. They passed by a line of kids wearing fan club buttons and another line of random prostitutes that was right outside a door with a star on a door.

The large man opened a second door with a star and shoved Ike in. "Sit down on the couch, don't touch anything." He ordered.

Ike stared at him with wide eyes, "What's going on?" He asked, honestly thrown off and surprised.

His answer was the door clicking closed.

Panic hit Ike first and he tried the door, it was locked. He glanced around the room in hopes of another means of escape. The dressing room was plush and comfortable. A couch rested against the wall closest to the stage and on the opposite side was a dressing table complete with vanity mirror. A trunk lay open with clothes and the flower arrangements and cards made it abundantly clear that this was Phillip's dressing room. That would, of course make sense since he did say something to the guard.

Tentatively, Ike sat down on the edge of the couch. He perked slightly, taking in the comfort of the plush furniture and sat up momentarily before practically falling into the cushions.

Holy shit, this thing was comfortable.

Ike could faintly hear the laughter of the audience and he glanced at the clock. The show had barely started and because of him, it was going to have a slightly delayed ending. He let his eyes drift close as he situated himself into a more comfortable position on the couch, and decided that it wouldn't hurt if he took just a little nap.

Time apparently flew as Ike woke up with a jump when splashed with cold water. He sat up, cursing under his breath and blinked blurrily up at two rather pissed off performers. Terrance and Phillip loomed over him, arms crossed over their chests as they glared intensely at the teenager.

"You could've just shaken me awake," He pointed out simply while running a hand through his now wet hair. He quickly checked to make sure they didn't decide to be assholes and wet his crotch too. They didn't thankfully.

Terrance let out a frustrated growl, "I told you we should've kicked him out or something Phillip! He's just some little dick!" Phillip gave his partner a look and Terrance let out a frustrated sigh, "You know what? I don't care," He stated, "I'm going to my whores." He stormed out of the room and Phillip eyed the boy in front of him again.

"Trouble in paradise?"

"Quiet you," Phillip snapped before dragging the chair from the vanity over and sitting down on it. They stared at each other for a long moment before Phillip spoke up, "You're that kid who didn't think we were funny last time we were here."

"I still don't." Ike replied, earning an annoyed look.

"But you think it's funny to wear that shirt?" Phillip asked, his eyes narrowing.

Ike sighed, rolling his eyes before haughtily crossing his arms over his chest, "I told you before, it's an ironic statement." The blonde didn't seem to believe him, "I'm Canadian…and…" Ike shifted uncomfortably before offering his hand, "Hi. My name is Ike Broflovski." Phillip's gaze flickered from Ike's face to his hand then his face again. His mouth moved but he couldn't form words. The teenager retracted his hand, using it to mess with his damp hair as he watched the celebrity fumble. "Sorta funny, my brother's met you a lot, my mom's killed you once and yet we never met…" He commented with a dry laugh.

"…..I get the irony."

"I was hoping you would."

"So tell me," Phillip started, watching Ike curiously, "If you don't think we're funny, why did you come to our show?"

Ike thought about the question and frowned, deciding it best to answer truthfully, "I don't know. I suppose if you want to look at it from a slightly psychological aspect, I was maybe trying to get some sort of attention. My brother and his friends were constantly getting it from somewhere and I envy that. Then again, I could simply be an obsessed stalker or perhaps I'm on a self-righteous campaign to prove to you that you don't have to do fart comedy. You could be amazing actors by doing something more…well respected." He paused, thinking that all over with a frown, "I think I might've done it just to be an ass though."

Wow, when'd he become a smartass?

Phillip eyed him critically, "You're a smart little boy, aren't you?"

"I'm sixteen," Ike replied in annoyance.

"Still."

Ike gave a small nod, "Yeah," he started with a sigh, "I'm a senior in high school." He tilted his head slightly, "I heard you used to be a Shakespearian actor."

Phillip frowned, "That was a long time ago when Terrance and I had parted ways." He replied shortly.

"Do you miss it?" The teenager asked, his large dark eyes taking in every inch of the actor's expression.

Phillip glanced at the clock and abruptly stood up. "It's getting late. You ought to go before your mother charges me for kidnapping you and being a dirty old man or something stupid like that." He gave a quick laugh but Ike didn't think he was joking.

The teenager stood up, nodding with a small frown on his face before glancing at the clock himself, "Parking lot is probably cleared up by now anyway." He held out his hand, "Uhm…nice to meet you, sir." He stated, actually remembering that his mother had raised him with manners and he really ought to use them.

Phillip stared at the hand, an expression of confusion on his face. Ike followed his gaze and realized it was the palm that had the long thick scar due to the glass cut he had gotten just before the show. "I remember you having that bandage…" He stated quietly.

It honestly freaked Ike out a little bit.

He gave a short laugh before pulling it away, "Heh, yeah…." Ike moved for the door, opening it up and noting that the whore line was slightly shorter before glancing back at Phillip. "Erm, do you want me to send on of those….uh…ladies…"

The blonde middle aged man snorted and shook his head. "Those women are of no use to me," he stated before waving his hand in a shooing motion at Ike, "Now go home or somewhere that isn't here.

Ike left the room quickly, wrinkling his nose as he passed the whorish women waiting for a chance at Terrance. The line with the fan club kids hadn't moved an inch and they all seemed fairly eager and loyal. The large security guard eyed him suspiciously and he ducked his head as he moved to leave out the back door. He issued a yelp and scrambled back inside when he was flashed with cameras and deafened by questions and shouts from fans.

Goddamn, why were these guys so popular?

He looked at the guard pleadingly, "I don't suppose the front doors are still unlocked…"

"Sorry, kid, that's the only way out." The guard growled.

"Fuck." Ike mumbled and slid down the door, landing on his rear, "Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck."

"Such language!"

Ike looked up in surprise as a young woman; she looked to be a few years older than him, smiled down at him. She had a light amount of make-up on and soft brown hair that was in a cute cut. Her lavender turtleneck and black slacks gave her a look of professionalism and class.

"Uhm…sorry," Ike muttered sheepishly. "It's just…fans and…stuff."

She nodded knowingly and looked at the guard, "Would you do me a favor and find someone to unlock the front door for this young gentleman?" She asked lightly.

The security guard gave a short nod, flashing a sour look in Ike's direction, "Sure thing, Miss. Stoot."

Ike frowned. Wasn't Stoot Terrance's last name? He could've sworn it was and he blinked when she held out her hand for him. At least someone seemed to know what a handshake was, "I'm Sally Dion-Stoot. And you are…?" She asked in an accent much like Terrance and Phillip's.

"Are you related to Terrance?" He asked, taking her hand cautiously.

She gave a soft laugh, "That's a funny name."

"Oh!" Ike fumbled a bit with his words before giving a sheepish look, "Ike…Broflovski. That's my name."

There was a flicker of recognition in her eyes before she smiled again and nodded at the returning security guard, "Well, Ike, it's getting late and I'm sure you want to get home. Would you mind if I walked you to the door? We can talk."

"Uhm…kay…"


	3. Nineteen

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park_

* * *

_Nineteen year old Ike Broflovski curled his fingers around the doorknob as he balanced a large box between his hip and the wall. He turned the knob and kicked the door open before hefting the box into the apartment with a grunt. Behind him, Sally carried a box inside as well, a wide smile on her face as she looked around. Moving men piled into the apartment after her._

"_Oh, Ike, you're really going to love it in Canada!" She said as she set the box down on the floor._

_He smiled as he read the label of the box he was holding and headed to the cramped kitchen, "Well I'm really glad I got a scholarship," He replied, "I mean, I didn't think it'd be so hard for someone who took a couple years break from school to get one. They usually want fresh out of high school kids I guess."_

He scowled at the memory as he sat on his couch and added a few obscenities to the people who gave him the Goddamn scholarship in the first place. Apparently a 'full scholarship' meant 'a full quarter' in Canada. Fucking Canada.

Ike had always wanted to study abroad but he never had the money to join one of the European study programs or go to Australia or anything like that. While searching on the internet one night, he stumbled upon a scholarship for Canadian-Americans to study in Canada. He applied, went through all of the paperwork and went to every meeting and was elated to discover he'd not only gotten the scholarship but had been accepted to the University that Sally had suggested he'd go to so she'd be close. He and Terrance's daughter had hit it off quite well after the show. Apparently she and her mother starred in the movie 'Not Without My Anus' but that was one of the only truths to occur in the film. That and Scott the Dick hated Terrance and Phillip. And he was a dick.

As she escorted him to the exit, they had exchanged emails. For some reason she had taken interest when he described the events that had occurred in Phillip's dressing room. But just because they were friends didn't mean that he was close to the actors. She'd expressed quite clearly that she didn't spend too much time with her father and that she didn't intend on letting Ike use her as a bridge to the stars while he got an autograph of Celine Dion's newest CD for his mother. She only went to his shows every so often or visited him, but any other meeting with her father was a complete coincidence.

Ike then assured her for the seventh time that he was not an obsessed stalker or his mother.

So now he was sitting on his couch, scowling at the phone. He'd just called the University, informing them that he didn't have any money, thus couldn't attend their fine establishment and instead of advice, he'd gotten a 'thanks for the ride' pat on the bum. He was pretty much fucked.

He looked around his messy apartment. The floor was littered with piles and piles of thick books, some framing the cheap television. The coffee table was covered in papers. Most were bills and panic hit him. How the fuck was he supposed to live off of a shitty job?! He'd found a program that helped him pay at school but now that he didn't have that, he was lost. Sally had offered to help him but he turned her down, stating that he didn't want to feel like he was using her. She greatly appreciated the gesture, insisted and he told her to simply back off for a few days so he could figure things out.

Things were not fucking figured out and he didn't have the money or lack of pride to crawl home to South Park with his tail between his legs.

He resorted to glaring at his phone again and jumped when it rang. Warily, he picked it up and hit the talk button. "Ike Broflovski speaking."

"Ike? It's Sally."

"Hey, Sally." He gave a slight sigh and shifted his gaze outside.

"I know you're depressed but, I was wondering if you could do something for me."

"Such as?"

"Well, there's a benefit dinner going on in an hour and I don't seem to have an escort. You're the only one for the job and you do look rather dashing in that suit of yours…"

He winced, "I dunno…"

"Please! Oh please, Ike! I wouldn't be asking if I really needed it and I think it'll make you feel better for at least tonight!"

He sighed, she wouldn't relent until he gave in. "Yeah, yeah, okay, I'll go."

"Oh, thank you Ike! You won't regret it! I'll be there in a half an hour!"

"You're just lucky I already showered." He grumbled, hanging up when he heard her laugh.

He pulled himself off the couch and trudged to his room, nearly tripping over a misplaced book in the process. He pulled the suit on, working at the black tie in the mirror and eyeing his hair. It was messy and he had an obvious cowlick, not really hair for a benefit dinner.

He was going to keep it that way.

Sally had let herself in as he brushed his teeth and peeked into his bedroom. She was wearing a strapless green dress and her hair was in an elegant up-do. She frowned disapprovingly at his hair but didn't say anything as they then left the apartment and made their way out of the building and into the waiting limo. The ride consisted of Sally trying to fix Ike's hair and straightening his tie, informing him that good first impressions are always a must and that very important Canadians would be there.

"There are important Canadians?" She promptly smacked him in the arm and gave him a scolding look. "Ow, dammit, Sally, I was joking!"

"It wasn't a very funny joke, Ike," She stated in a snippy tone as the limo rolled to a stop.

Ike muttered an apology as the door opened for them and he slid out, offering his arm for Sally to take as instructed. They walked up the towering steps of the hotel that the dinner was taking place and an usher led them to the ballroom. Hundreds of elegantly dressed people filled the room and Ike opened his mouth to make a comment but Sally's daring look silenced him quickly. Waiters were walking around with delicious foods and drinks and there was also a buffet in the middle of the large room. That was Ike's goal.

Sally broke away from him, shaking hands and kissing cheeks before she grabbed his arm and forced him to introduce himself. He smiled and shook hands, earning proud grins from Sally and when they finally had a moment to themselves he pulled her aside.

"Sally, listen, I am _starving_…"

"Then go eat, I'll be there after I say hello to someone."

He blinked; slightly surprised she didn't tell him that he could eat after he'd met everybody and their mother. He wasn't going to question her though and he quickly made his way through the crowd, grabbing something off a walking platter every now and then and stuffing his mouth. He was, after all, a poor boy among the rich and famous…of Canada.

He stood before the buffet table, his eyes grazing over each morsel and he had to check his chin for drool. Grabbing one of the plates, he moved down the buffet, helping himself to whatever he could. He felt like Eric Cartman or Kenny McCormick but he honestly didn't care. Especially when his eyes laid on the perfect chicken leg. He reached out to snatch it but his fingers clashed with someone else's and he shot a glare at whomever the offender was, gasping slightly when he met dark eyes and blonde hair.

"What are you doing here?" Phillip, wearing a suit with his aqua blue bowtie, asked in surprise.

Ike snatched the chicken leg before the older blonde could register what was going on and took a quick bite, "Getting food." He replied nonchalantly. Phillip gave him an annoyed look that Ike was tempted to just call 'the only expression Phillip Niles Argyle maintains around Ike Broflovski'. "I got dragged here by a friend."

"From Colorado."

Ike snorted, "No, I live in Canada now." He said while stacking on some sort of vegetable, he wasn't sure what it was exactly but he didn't care, it looked good.

Phillip silently studied him for a moment, unsure of what to say. He straightened when Terrance called out to him, probably so they could do their act for a few people, and he held out his plate for Ike with a stern look and the young man took it with a look of confusion.

"I want you to take this plate and sit over at that table there," He ordered quickly, his accent becoming thick, and tilting his head towards a certain table, "Don't eat any of my food, I'll be back for the plate momentarily." And with that he briskly walked over to Terrance.

Ike watched for a moment as they both talked enthusiastically, Phillip farted and the group of people erupted in laughter. He looked at the plate, contemplating whether or not he should just take it and eat Phillip's food along with his own but he frowned and walked to the designated table. He sat down in a chair, setting Phillip's plate in front of the seat next to him before working on his meal.

Sally caught his eye and he smiled and gave a small wave but she simply looked confused. He wasn't exactly sure why so he just continued eating, jumping slightly when there was a tired sigh and Phillip sat down next to him. The actor surveyed his food for a moment before glancing at Ike with a pleased look. Apparently he was happy the Canadian-American man didn't eat any of his food.

"Do you always have to do that?" Ike asked curiously, "The fart acts I mean."

"It's our job to," Phillip scooped up a forkful of mashed potatoes, "We used to do it all the time, audience or not, but we're not exactly spring chickens anymore."

"Oh."

"Why did you move to Canada?"

Ike shifted uncomfortably, scowling at his food, "I…was going to college." He replied.

Phillip looked like he wanted to prod for a more detailed explanation but Sally came up behind then, placing a hand on each of their shoulders and leaning forward with a gentle smile on her face. "Sorry to interrupt you two but can I talk to you Phillip?"

"Sure thing, Sally," He got up and was pulled a distance away from the table and Ike. Ike watched curiously as they talked, her eyes flickering at him every now and then and Phillip nodded every once in a while. Suddenly, Phillip straightened, almost towering over Sally, "I am _not_ fond of him!" He snapped before turning on his heel and returning to the table only to scoop up his plate and storm off.

Sally huffed and sat down next to Ike with a scowl. He gave her an amused look, "Good to know I'm favored by the stars." He noted before popping a green bean in his mouth.

She scowled at him and reached out to flatten his messy hair, "It is not funny, Ike."

"I think it is." He grinned at her deadpanned expression. "Anyway, why were you telling Phillip that he was fond of me?"

She flushed slightly and straightened, "I don't believe that is any of your business." Sally replied tartly.

"But…I'm-"

"It's not your business, Ike, please respect that." She snapped before abruptly standing up and storming off.

Apparently it was 'let's make Ike feel hated' day.

* * *

Ike leaned against the wall as he watched Sally dance with Terrance. They'd run into each other and thanks to much awkwardness, several of the guests insisted they have a father daughter dance, much to the both of the Stoots' dismay. There were other dancers of course, everyone with a date seemed to be dancing unless they were eating or watching and judging others. The song ended and there was a soft 'toot' coming from Terrance and Sally. They both laughed, him more in amusement, and she covered her face in embarrassment and frustration as soon as the giggle was issued.

"That's the only resemblance I can see in them." Ike jumped in surprise and looked to his right, staring at Phillip. The blonde was leaning against the wall as well, his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes locked on Sally and Terrance, "That and she has his eyes."

Ike gave a slight snort, "Good thing she's got that. I'd hate to only be able to say 'I inherited my father's gas'." The blonde gave a tired laugh and Ike peered at him cautiously, "How come you don't have a kid?" He asked innocently enough.

"How come you don't have a girlfriend?" Phillip snapped, irritation lacing his voice.

Ike looked back at the dancers noting that Terrance and Sally had been suckered into dancing again and smiled in mild amusement, "I'm gay." He replied simply.

Phillip was silent and he shifted slightly away from him. Ike rolled his eyes and stuffed his hands into his pockets, deciding that he was just going to ignore the performer who seemed to be making a big deal out of nothing. Honestly, stepping away just because he said he was gay? What did Phillip think; he was going to catch it?

The blonde coughed slightly and Ike glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. Phillip kept his gaze trained on Terrance and Sally, "Listen. Sally told me about your problem and if you need a job-"

"No thank you."

"But you didn't even listen to my offer." Phillip pointed out.

"I have a job." Ike replied dryly, taking a glass of whatever alcoholic beverage the waiter that passed by had.

"Yes, but I highly doubt you can pay your bills with it." The blonde argued, finally looking at Ike.

Ike took a sip of his drink, wrinkling his nose at how strong it was before casting a glare in Phillip's direction, "I'll get another job then." He replied shortly. "Why do you care anyway? It's not like you're _fond_ of me or anything." Phillip sputtered something incomprehensible as Ike quickly downed his glass and set it on a nearby table. He then marched his way to Sally and Terrance, eyeing the young woman rather venomously before glancing at her father. "May I cut in?" He asked through clenched teeth.

"Oh thank God, I was starting to think nobody would ask!" Terrance stepped away from his daughter, gesturing that she was all Ike's before moving into the direction the younger man had come from.

Ike wrapped an arm around Sally's waist and took her hand, stepping in line with her but maintaining his glare. "So, I found out what you were talking to Phillip about."

"I'm just worried about you, Ike." She explained with a look of concern.

"That doesn't mean I want a pity party," He growled, "Especially from someone who doesn't give a shit about me and thinks of it as doing a favor to you."

"You don't mean that, Ike."

"Yes, Sally! Yes, I do!" His voice was raised and people were looking but he honestly didn't care. Part of him wanted them to look and hear, "I shouldn't be at this Goddamn benefit dinner, which I have no idea who or what it's fucking benefiting-"

Sally winced, her face flushing in embarrassment. "Ike, language please-"

"I should be home trying to get another job or negotiating with the people I owe or…since you fucking think I need help," His voice was rising, or at least that's what he thought, "Calling my family, people who give a damn about me, and asking them for help. Not getting it from someone who I've only met twice before and honestly doesn't give a shit!" He was flailing too apparently because he pointed at the actor in question but kept his glare on Sally, "And I will have you know, I don't give a _flying fuck_ about Terrance and Phillip! Never had, never will!"

Sally looked hurt and on the verge of tears. Ike knew he'd regret this whole thing in the morning but at the moment he just wasn't in the mood. "But…Ike…"

"No buts!" He snapped. "Screw you guys, I'm going home!"

And with that he stormed out of the building and into the rain to find the nearest subway entrance.


	4. Shakespeare won't appreciate that, Ike

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park_

* * *

Ike scowled as he dripped on the counter and took another shot of alcohol. The drink burned on its way down his throat but he welcomed the warmth. He'd failed in locating the subway, had gotten completely soaked in the rain and stumbled into a small bar for some form of shelter, heat and directions. He loosened his tie and glared at his cell phone as the light brightened and it vibrated across the counter. He tugged it closer, glancing at the ID and growled. He really didn't want to talk to Sally so he opted on flipping the phone open and snapping it back closed in a successful hang up. Then he requested more alcohol.

The bell on the door rang as someone entered, Ike didn't bother looking up and he continued to glare at his phone. The newcomer sat down on the bar stool next to him and he continued to glare at the phone, refusing to give anyone an opening to talk to him.

"I'll have whatever he's having." A familiar voice said.

"Sure thing, buddy," The bartender got the drink and set out a few shot glasses.

"Sally is really upset you know," Phillip stated finally after taking a shot and clearing his throat.

Ike glared at him for the corner of his eye, barely seeing the blonde next to him due to his dripping black hair hanging in his face and he noted that Phillip was just as wet as he was. "Why are you here?" He asked; his tone emotionless.

"Because I want to know the truth," Phillip turned in his chair to face Ike but the younger man simply stared ahead. "If you don't give a 'flying fuck' then why come to our shows? Why do something that you know is going to catch our attention?" He sounded annoyed, frustrated but still purely curious. Ike idly wondered how the older man managed that.

He sighed, unsure of how to answer. He idly recalled Phillip asking him something similar years ago but he didn't remember what. He gave a soft sigh, and pushed his glass forward before leaning against the counter, his arms crossed and providing a cushion for his chin, "My big brother Kyle is six years older than me. I never really had any friends; the kids at school didn't like me too much because I was two years younger than them so I always hung around him. He didn't like it when we were younger but I kept quiet and out of his way and he didn't mind." Ike wasn't sure why he was saying all of this, the alcohol was probably making him let his guard down, "He and his friends idolized you and Terrance so when the chance to get tickets came, and they jumped at it. They couldn't answer the question but I did. I didn't expect them to invite me along and they didn't. Until, of course, Kyle's friend died and Kyle said that if I cleaned up, I could go." He pulled his hand away and stared at the thick scar on his palm. "I got cut with glass and needed stitches so Kyle took me and we went to Denver after. I was twelve then."

Ike's eyes widened slightly and he lifted his head a little when Phillip took his hand and ran his thumb along the scar gently, barely brushing his skin. Goosebumps prickled their way up Ike's spine and he could feel his face heating up intensely as his breath hitched. He just told himself it was the alcohol making him feel this way and he watched the blonde's hand intensely, studying it.

"It looks like it hurt," Phillip commented quietly, finally pulling away.

"It did."

The blonde performer hesitated momentarily, looking as though he wanted to say or do something but opted for taking another shot instead, "What aboot the second time?"

Ike sighed, this part he was completely clueless on, "Kyle gave me all of his Terrance and Phillip stuff when he moved out. A couple of dolls, some DVDs. You guys became a comfort to me when I missed my big brother. I even slept with your doll when things really got bad." Ike face seemed to radiate waves of heat and he quickly took a shot of his own, fairly surprised that he'd said something so….fucking true. He still had the dolls and DVDs too. Terrance was rather torn up due to Stan's dog and Kyle's childhood but Phillip was still in fairly good condition, and hiding in Ike's sock drawer. Maybe he _shouldn't_ be drinking more alcohol. "I don't know about the second show though."

"So you _do_ give a flying fuck," The blonde concluded.

"Not about _you_," Ike snapped, "Just…what you represented."

Phillip made a small sound of understanding and they sat in silence. Taking drinks every now and then. Ike eventually sighed and stood up, nearly falling over when he realized his balance was shot. Getting home, even just getting to the subway was going to be a bitch. He gave a soft gasp of surprise when an arm wrapped around his waist and his arm was tugged over Phillips shoulder.

"You don't have to-"

"It's just to the taxi," Phillip cut in, ushering the boy out of the bar and into the vehicle waiting outside. The both slid into the back street and the blonde looked at Ike, "Where do you live?"

Ike fumbled with the information, eventually getting it out ready and all the while wondering when the hell Phillip had called a taxi. He honestly didn't care at the moment though since he wanted to go home. His socks were sopping wet still and making his feet numb and nothing sounded better than stripping off his wet clothes and curling up under his nice warm blankets. The drive wasn't long but it was silent and involved Ike leaning against Phillip's shoulder lazily until they pulled to a stop. The blonde paid the taxi driver and added a bit more for him to wait until he got back before dragging Ike out of the vehicle.

They managed to climb the stairs to Ike's apartment and the boy dug into his pocket for his key, mumbling under his breath about how his clothes were still wet. They stumbled into the apartment and Phillip finally let go, thinking the boy could handle himself from there on. His gaze scanned over the thick books that piled the floor and noted how most of them had several papers sticking out of them, knowing if the boy was a genius of sorts, they were probably notes. One mountain of literature caught his attention.

"You like Shakespeare."

"Uh huh," Ike dully replied, working off his jacket and tie right there in the middle of the room.

Phillip walked over and picked up the first book, flipping through and frowning slightly but sill feeling amusement. The margins were filled with notes as well as random pieces of papers. "Don't tell me you're grading his works."

Ike gave a soft laugh, "Just analyzing." He replied dully. Phillip turned and quickly looked away, and Ike would've guessed he was completely thrown off guard at the fact that Ike had taken off his shirt, exposing his soft lean form. But that was if he was sober. Since he was at least tipsy, he didn't even notice and sauntered towards the blonde, leaning over his shoulder, "I just thought he could've portrayed that scene a bit better if he did more of what I wrote," He pointed to a scribbled line.

"You can't change Shakespeare's writing!" Phillip argued, though seeming rather intrigued by the younger man's notes.

"Why did you help me?" Phillip turned to look at Ike and his eyes locked with the dark haired man's large, dark and hypnotizing ones. "And find me in that bar….you followed me."

"Yes, yes I did." Phillip replied quietly.

"But…you don't…" Ike's eyes drifted close as he leaned forward, pressing his lips against the older man's.

Phillip gasped at the action but soon gave in; gently kissing Ike back while wrapping his arms around the younger's waist and pulling him closer. His fingers fluttered along the Canadian-American's skin, causing Ike to shiver against him. Ike's grip on Phillip's jacket tightened as he tugged the blonde closer and he opened his mouth for the blonde's tongue. They wrestled for dominance and Ike eventually relented, soft little sounds of pleasure coming from the back of his throat. They eventually parted for air, Ike resting his forehead against Phillip's shoulder for a moment before pulling away and stumbling down the hall.

Once he reached his room, he turned on the light, tugging off his wet shoes, pants and socks as well as his damp boxers, replacing them with warm dry ones. He crawled under his covers, his mind working at a sloth's pace and he idly wondered if he had just imagined what he did. He then decided not to think anymore about such a silly thing, snuggled into his pillow and allowed his eyes to drift closed, his mind shutting down for the night.

The last thing he remembered seeing was the light flickering off and hearing the soft click of a door.

* * *

The next day involved a massive headache and moping around the apartment. There was no sign of Phillip every being there, making it easier for Ike to push off the vague memory of kissing the blonde actor as some ridiculous alcohol induced dream. Part of him wished that wasn't so and Ike quickly labeled it the irrational part of his brain. The fact that he'd want to kiss Phillip Niles Argyle, fart comedian of the famous team Terrance and Phillip, was just silly. The man was old enough to be his father for fuck's sake!

Ike curled on his bed, staring intently at the Phillip doll on the other end of his bed. He was really thinking about this too much and he needed to get his mind off of it. He pulled his phone off of his nightstand and glanced at the time. It was only two in the afternoon and he dialed Sally's number, hoping she would pick up so he could apologize.

After the third ring, she answered, "Hello."

He winced, she sounded cold, expecting, "Hey…Sally…it's Ike."

"I know."

He gave a soft sigh, "I wanted to apologize for my behavior last night. It was…out of line. Especially right there in front of all those people," He heard her sigh softly, a good sign, "If it helps, I suffered from a hangover headache and ridiculous delusions for the most part of the day."

"It does help a little bit," Sally admitted warily. "And I _suppose_ it wasn't right for me to ask someone to help you behind your back…How are you by the way? Phillip said you were a bit…off when he helped you home."

Ike's stomach churned at the thought and his face heated up profusely. "I-I'm fine," He stuttered into the phone. "Why? What did he mean by off?"

"He didn't elaborate," Sally replied, "He simply said you had a bit too much to drink and you weren't acting like yourself."

Of course he wasn't acting like himself if he did what he thought he did. He prayed to God that he didn't, that it was just a fucked up dream, but a small voice in the back of his mind teased that he _did_ in fact want to kiss the blonde and he'd enjoyed every bit of it. That he even wanted more.

He shook those thoughts out of his head, "Listen," He started, "I'm still not feeling too hot and I've gotta call my boss and ask if I can be switched to full time or something. And find a side job." His headache was coming back again.

Sally gave a long suffering sigh, "Ike, perhaps you should call Phillip and ask about his proposal."

Ike winced at the word 'proposal' but pushed his silly thoughts aside, "Must we really go over everything I said last night?" He asked in a half threatening tone.

"I didn't ask him to find you. He went on his own."

Time seemed to stop; Ike could feel his blood pounding through his head as the night before rushed back to him. Phillip's denial of being fond of him, his rant and declaration of not giving a fuck about the man and his partner, the drinking, the kiss…everything seemed to whirlwind into Ike's brain and he had no idea what to do or think about it. His lips seemed to tingle at the memory and he was getting goose bumps on his palm for some reason.

"Erm, Sally, I'll call you back." He stated quickly into the phone before hanging up. He'd apologize later. Fingers shaking slightly, Ike dialed another familiar number, pacing as he listened to the phone ring before a wary hello. "I have a problem."

"What? Who the fuck is this?"

"Ike."

"Oh, dude, fuck, why are you calling me and not your brother?"

Ike sighed, "Because Kyle is a retard when it comes to this sort of thing, Kenny," He started.

Kenny gave a chuckle, "Then it must be a relationship thing, right? Hold on, kid." Ike wrinkled his nose at the faint sound of a flushing toilet and then running water. Only Kenny McCormick would answer the phone while taking a dump. "Okay, so what's the situation?"

"Did you use soap?"

There was another chuckle, "Yes Mom. Now spill before I hang up on you, kid."

"Okay…" Ike sighed, Kenny and pretty much everyone in South Park knew he was gay, he'd come out at his graduation dinner because everyone was in a good mood. It was the perfect time to drop the gay bomb. "There's this guy."

"There's always a guy…" Kenny replied sagely.

"And he's older."

"You've always had a thing for older people."

Ike snorted, knowing full well that Kenny was referring to the whole 'teacher' incident, "He's forty-eight." Kenny made a hissing sound and Ike winced, apparently that was too much of a difference, even for Kenny McCormick. "Well you see, I had this huge argument with Sally because I don't have money and my so called 'full scholarship' was only for a quarter, so she talked to him and made him offer a job. But when she asked him he said he wasn't fond of me so when I found out she did this, I declared that I didn't give a flying fuck about him and stormed off."

"You're not going to school anymore?" Kenny asked, sounding concerned.

"Yeah, I sorta got fucked over." Ike replied. "Didn't tell my family yet."

"Life's such a fucking bitch. Carry on."

Ike chuckled slightly, "Well, I couldn't find the subway when I stormed off so I found this bar and had some drinks when Ph…the guy came in." He blushed at his almost screw up. There was no need for Kenny to know who he was having issues with. "We sorta got drunk…kinda. Me more than him and he took me home….and I kissed him…drunkenly I might add." Kenny made a noise of understanding, "Well I called Sally today and she told him that this guy…this guy who said he wasn't fond of me and I declared that I could care less about….twice even…found me on his own accord…and I don't know what to think…"

There was a long silence before Kenny spoke up, "Dude, I think if you're calling me to ask about this, then you know what you want. Now, if you don't mind, I have a guest I need to get back to."

Ike was speechless when he heard the click and eventual dial tone. He hung up the phone and made his way to his room in an almost zombie like fashion. His eyes rested on the Phillip doll and he sat down on the bed, picking it up and turning it over in his hands a few times. Then, in frustration, he flung it against the wall and fell back against the mattress.

Fuck.

Fuckity fuck fuck!

Heaving a sigh, since he didn't know what else to do, Ike picked up the phone and decided to inform his parents of his current lack of schooling. Maybe their disappointment and his mother's anger could get his mind off of things.


	5. Sleeping at Sally's

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park_

* * *

Ike allowed his body to relax and sink into the couch, opening his mouth slightly and allowing Sally to plop a cookie in it. It was his first day off in three months. He had been working ninety-two days straight at either one job or the other and he was quite honestly exhausted, both mentally and physically. He, of course, opted to visit Sally then sleep because, hell, he slept for a few hours each night, but this was the first time in forever that he actually saw the young woman and they had spent said time talking about their lives. He was confused about her reaction when he told her about a coworker he'd been flirting with.

His parents were not pleased, of course, and Gerald stated that if Ike wanted to go back home, they'd help but they weren't going to assist him if he intended to live on his own. It was simply all a part of growing up. The Jewish Canadian would've happily gone home if it weren't for the fact that his mind was plagued by a certain blonde who he hadn't seen once since that night. Thankfully, work and a certain stocker at the warehouse like store he worked at pushed those thoughts out.

"Excuse me," Sally covered her mouth to stifle obnoxious giggles after she released gas in the most unpetite way ever, blushing immensely in the process.

Ike gave a snort and shifted, feeling his eyes droop. He smiled slightly, making a pleased sound from the back of his throat when Sally affectionately ran a hand along his hair before getting up when a knock came from the door. Ike heard quiet talk but his eyes remained closed, he honestly couldn't care less for her other friends and they felt the same way, so he knew they wouldn't bother him when he felt the cushions next to him sank under the other person's weight.

Sally led the other person into the kitchen where they continued to talk quietly. Ike's body felt numb and he felt himself go limp against her other friend. They stiffened immediately he decided that they'd just have to be fucked and deal with the awkwardness or push him aside because he really didn't have the strength or motivation. He even snuggled into them to make a point.

"Don't mind Ike, Phillip, he's been working himself to the bone and this is his first day off." Sally's voice rang across the room.

That was motivation enough and Ike immediately straightened up, staring at the older man with wide eyes and his face flushed. "Sorry!" He yelped before scooting away ever so slightly.

Phillip watched him warily for a moment before clearing his throat and giving a light shrug, "Its fine," He replied, "You're tired." As if to make a point, he shifted into a more comfortable position and wrapped his arms behind his head. "And it is a comfortable couch."

Ike resisted the urge to curl up with Phillip and merely stayed curled up in his own corner, deciding to stay awake, "I'm fine," He mumbled when Phillip gave him a questioning look.

"Don't worry, Sally, I've got it." Ike and Phillip watched as Terrance entered with a tray of glasses, offering one to his costar and then to Ike. He watched Ike carefully as the younger man sipped before sitting down between him and Phillip. "Tell me, Ike," He started coolly, taking a sip of the fruit punch, "What exactly are your intentions with my daughter?"

Ike quirked an eyebrow, his mind still running sloppy, "Excuse me, sir?"

"You heard me," Terrance replied as annoyance started seeping to his voice.

Ike's eyes flickered to Phillip, who stared back at him with a look of amusement evident on his face. Apparently the blonde had decided to keep Ike's sexual orientation to himself. Whether out of respect or just because he wanted to witness this particular conversation, Ike didn't know.

"We're just friends." Ike assured.

"That's what they all say."

Ike gave a long suffering sigh and sipped his drink, glancing back at Phillip. Phillip was really enjoying this apparently. "Yes, well I doubt they're all into guys." He replied coolly.

Terrance raised an eyebrow, "You're gay?" He asked before looking at Phillip, "He's gay?"

Phillip's amused expression fell into a frown, "Why are you asking me?" He snapped irritably, "How would I know?!"

"Maybe because you're-"

"Terrance." Phillip interrupted with a warning tone.

The black haired man silenced, looking warily at his fellow actor and then at Ike. He cleared his throat and stood up, "Yes, well….stay that way." He stated in a scolding tone before retreating to wherever his daughter was.

Ike studied the older man curiously, his mind working quickly. It pulled up old information, like reading on a tabloid at the grocery store that Phillip's marriage to one of the Queef sisters failed within a month, as did Terrance's soon after. Terrance gave reasons, but Phillip didn't. And then there was that line that rang in Ike's mind whenever he thought of their movie 'Not Without My Anus', when Phillip had assumed he and Terrance were gay. It may have been a simple joke but if the part with Sally was true then there could've been other true factors. There was also their last show in Denver, when Phillip said he wanted nothing to do with the whores.

Still, as much as he wanted to believe it, the evidence wasn't solid.

Wait, did he just admit to wanting to think Phillip was gay?

He frowned, his brow furrowing, and he bit his lip in thought. He glanced up at Phillip cautiously and quickly looked away when he found the blonde watching him just as cautiously. His face was heating up and he could feel his frustration rise over this. It was silly. He was almost twenty and Phillip was heading to fifty, it wouldn't work for starters.

Why the hell was he thinking about this as a possibility?!

Phillip opened his mouth to say something but snapped it back shut when Terrance and Sally returned, the young woman giving her father an envelope, "You'll be sitting with Bob, just for your information."

"I'm sure we'll be fine if he uses a paper bag to cover his hideous face." He replied. "How is your brother by the way?"

"He's getting plastic surgery next month," Sally replied, "He hates being as ugly as his father."

"Yes," Phillip chimed in, "Your step-father is a horribly ugly man!"

And here he was beginning to think they weren't as obnoxious as in their show.

Ike tiredly rolled his eyes as the three of them anguished over the fact that Bob was so damn ugly. Yes, he'd met the man and flinched back at the sheer hideousness that was Celine Dion's husband, but Bob was a generally nice guy. He just needed a paper bag was all. He absently thought that they were perhaps having this discussion to feel better about themselves. The only flaw was that Sally was gorgeous; Terrance was also blessed with good looks and Phillip….

Ike didn't want to find out what his opinion was about Phillip's looks.

He relaxed into the couch once again, their voices more like a lullaby than a conversation and he felt his eyes droop closed. He was far too tired to think about his feelings or anything for that matter, all he wanted was sleep. Wonderful, wonderful sleep.

Faintly he heard Sally give a soft sigh and say something, or ask something, he wasn't sure which. The next thing he knew, he was being lifted up into someone's arms. Too tired to complain or think logically, he snuggled closer to the warm body and allowed sleep to take over completely.

* * *

Ike snuggled into the pillow his head rested on before popping open an eye and glancing around. He was in Sally's room and in her bed. She was nowhere to be found and when he looked at the clock, he winced. It was two thirty in the morning. Sitting up, he blinked at the sound of crinkling paper and glanced down at his shirt, raising an eyebrow at the note taped to his shirt.

He plucked it off and opened up the folded paper, finding a business card taped and scribbled writing.

_Do us a favor and consider my job offer._

Ike frowned and his eyes flickered to the card. Phillip's name and number stared back at him almost threateningly before he looked at the note again.

Us.

He wrote us.

His stomach squirmed as he felt his face darken and heat up. He told himself that this was all completely and absolutely ridiculous. He did not feel like this for….He liked blondes, yes, and he had a thing for the older variety but….shit. Shitshitshit.

Ike stared at the card again. He was considering this, why was he considering this?

Because it was probably good pay and hours that enabled him to have a life…and be around Phillip, plus he didn't really have anything to lose.

He could feel himself near hyperventilation as he cautiously reached for the phone on the nightstand and he idly noted that he was never this nervous for a job interview or anything of the sort. He didn't let the late hour stop himself from dialing the number, if he did, then he'd never call. If he was going to do this, it would before he was completely away and his pride was ready to fight him.

The phone on the other end rang once.

Twice.

"Hello?"

Ike pushed down the urge to hang up as Phillip tiredly answered and was surprised that he had found his voice, "H-Hi, sorry to wake you but….I got your note? About the job offer?"

Why was he doing this again?

Shit.

"Do you want it?" Phillip asked from the other side of the phone, Ike could also hear him shift from whatever position he was in and grunt.

Ike frowned slightly, "Well what does it entail?" He asked curiously.

"Personal assistant and we can talk about pay later."

Ike winced as Phillip yawned in his ear, "Really sorry I woke you." He mumbled into the phone.

"It's fine," Phillip replied, "Call me tomorrow at a more reasonable time and we'll talk this over a bit more, alright?"

Ike nodded, realized that Phillip couldn't see him, and mentally hit himself over the head, "Alright," He replied softly, "Thank you."

"Just get some rest," Phillip yawned before there was a soft click and then dial tone.

Ike stared at the phone, his thoughts whirling. If he was going to work for Phillip, his pride had yet to complain strangely enough, he was going to have to get rid of whatever he was feeling for the blonde. Ike drew his legs up to his chest and bit his lip, thinking deeply of solutions for his predicament.

Then the most obvious thing hit him.

His fingers danced along the phone as he dialed the number of one of his jobs and he waited patiently for an answer. A grin spread across his face when the person he was hoping would answer did, in fact answer. Thank God for the night shift.

"Thank you for callin-"

"Steve, it's just me," He cut in.

Steve was the coworker Ike had told Sally about. He was a handsome man, only a couple years older than Ike and only a few inches taller. He was blonde with dark eyes and a heart melting smile. He was also very fit, as Ike had seen, since he would lift quite an amount and when they first met, he insisted the Jewish man feel his abs. Ike was getting aroused just thinking about it.

"What are you doing calling work on your day off, Ike?" The smooth deep voice asked in amusement, "Did you really miss me that much?"

Ike continued to grin and relaxed in the bed, "Yes, actually."

"What an honor."

Ike laughed good humouredly into the phone, "I was just wondering…do you wanna go out sometime?"

"Oh," Steve replied in an interested tone, "Are you asking me out on a date Mr. Broflovski?"

"Yes." Ike stated boldly, "Yes, I am."

"You do realize that coworkers' dating is against policy, right?"

"That's why I'm asking," The black haired man replied, "I've got a job offer so I won't be there much longer."

"I like that you asked me out then," He purred over the phone, "I'll pick you up Saturday night? Seven o'clock?"

Ike frowned, "Won't you be tired?" He asked curiously and earned a laugh in reply.

"You're worth it." Ike could feel his face heat up and he heard another chuckle, "Listen, Ike, I gotta get this pallet unloaded or the boss is going to have my ass in the unpleasant way so I need to run."

"Yeah, sorry I'm calling you at work." Ike apologized.

"Like I said, worth it," Steve replied, "See you Saturday."

"See you."

Ike hung up and grinned to himself. He glanced at the clock, noting that only a half our passed by. Since he was in a comfortable bed, he might as well get some more sleep. Before he did that though, he slid out of the plush bed and peeked out into the living room, surprised to see that Sally was still awake and watching the television on the couch. He shuffled out and sat down next to her, returning her soft smile.

"I'm accepting that job Phillip offered me."

She looked at him in confusion, "The one I told him to offer you months ago?" She asked.

Ike cocked an eyebrow but kept quiet. He was starting to wonder about Phillip's motivation when it involved him. First, not mentioning that he was gay and then not telling about the job offer, "He made it to me again," Ike replied, "And I'm accepting because I can't fucking-"

"Language."

"Live like this anymore. If you can even call it living." He finished.

She smiled softly and hugged him from the side, "Well, I'm proud of you Ike." She replied.

He hugged back and gave a relaxed sigh, "I also have a date on Saturday." He added.

There was a moment hesitation before Sally replied, "Did you make this date before or after you accepted the job?" She asked curiously.

"…After?"

Ike wasn't really sure why he was getting a scolding look from his friend.


	6. Food Poisoning

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park_

* * *

After three months, Ike Broflovski was happy. He had a good paying job that enabled him to actually sleep without worry, and since he loved organizing and planning, he certainly didn't mind using Phillip's schedule to work with. Of course, there were the obligatory awkward moments from time to time. Such as Ike showing Phillip his schedule for the day on his laptop, the taller and older man looking over Ike's shoulder at a both comforting and discomforting proximity and their hands brushing against each other when reaching for a handful of M&Ms in the dressing room before a show recording.

Ike had a weapon against that though. He had a boyfriend. He had the handsome Steve.

He and Steve had hit it off on their date. At least, that was what Ike convinced himself and he continued dating Steve. Unfortunately, Sally didn't like Ike's boyfriend at all. She had given him a chance but as soon as the words 'What's your opinion on threesomes?' exited the man's mouth, her mind was made up and she immediately became rude. She didn't even relent when Ike apologized profusely and explained that it was simply how Steve was and that he didn't mean any of it.

At least, Ike thought he didn't mean any of it. He honestly didn't want to find the truth.

Phillip didn't know about Ike's relationship though. The Jewish Canadian told himself that it was simply none of his boss's business if he was in a relationship or not. He was intent on keeping his personal life apart from his professional. But that could get difficult when his best friend was his boss's co-star's daughter. The line tended to blur. And by blurring, Ike simply meant when Sally would invite Terrance, Phillip and him to dinner. Even then, Ike barely spoke to the blonde.

Though he didn't talk to Phillip more out of nerves than professionalism because, despite the fact that he had a boyfriend and constantly scolded his mind, forcing all thoughts to be platonic and professional, Ike still felt a small tug of attraction. And he hated himself for it. He also hated himself for relishing every moment he had alone with Phillip, though he kept it as impersonal as possible.

He glanced up from his laptop, rolling his eyes at the concentrated frown on Phillip's face. The blonde was staring intently at his hair in the mirror, trying desperately to make it calm down. It was simply one of those days were hair didn't do what it was supposed to.

"You didn't hear a thing I said, did you?" Ike asked in a perturbed tone. He often ended up nagging the older man and making sure he took care of himself and his career.

Phillip made eye contact through the mirror, the frown staying on his face though it wasn't as concentrated, "Something about a meeting with someone," He supplied before once again returning his attention to his currently rebellious blonde hair.

Ike heaved a loud sigh to tell Phillip that he was thoroughly annoyed with his employer and set his laptop aside before pulling himself off the couch and approaching the blonde. He yanked Phillip to face him before picking up the spray bottle of water used for the plants and misting the older man's hair before running his fingers through Phillip's soft hair. Unlike Ike, who's hair was messy longish and held a cowlick, Phillip's was short and styled smartly to make him appear younger.

Not that he didn't look young or anything; Cartman's theory of Canadian aging still seemed to prove true.

"Ike?"

Ike blinked, snapping himself out of his thoughts. His eyes locked with Phillip's, who was looking fairly amused as well as content. For a split second, he wondered why his boss held such an expression before he realized his hands were still wound in Phillip's blonde hair. He felt his face immediately heat up as he quickly yanked his hands back and he coughed slightly, looking anywhere but at the man in front of him.

"Just…water would fix it." He mumbled before quickly retreating to the couch and behind his laptop, where he started typing random words in a new document.

He watched Phillip glance in the mirror while keeping his head down. His eyes flickered back down when the blonde glanced back at him and advanced before slowly sitting down next to Ike. He made no move to look at the word vomit that Ike was typing but kept his eye trained on the younger man instead. He opened his mouth to speak but, thankfully, a stage hand knocked and peeked into the room.

"We're starting to roll, Phillip," She said, looking a bit frazzled. Terrance was probably flirting again, he tended to do that.

Phillip heaved a sigh and nodded, getting up from his seat and glancing at Ike, "Coming?"

Ike gave a short nod, "As soon as I'm done with this," He replied, forcing himself to look at his screen intently, "Go ahead without me."

Phillip frowned slightly but left Ike alone in the dressing room. He took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands, issuing a small groan. That could have been disastrous. It was well on its way to something that was and could be super awkward. Not that it wasn't awkward already.

Dammit.

Ike closed out the random page of words and snapped his laptop closed before standing up and warily walking out to join the crew. He sat in Phillip's chair as he watched the actors harass an unsuspecting background character. He opened his laptop again, issuing a small grin when he found that both Steve and Sally had sent him instant messages. Sally was simply asking him how he was doing while Steve's had a distinct order for him.

'_Get in something nice tonight, I got my bonus check and we're spending it.'_

A giddy feeling washed over him as he quickly replied that he would do such a thing and hastily copied and pasted the message to Sally, thinking it would be a good enough answer. Though it would probably annoy her more than make her happy for him. Perhaps she was just jealous that he had a boyfriend and she didn't.

The director called for a cut and Terrance and Phillip strode off the stage into Ike's direction while the crew changed scenes. Ike slid out of Phillip's seat, signing off his instant messenger before setting the laptop down on the table by the chair. Terrance walked past them, making his way to the table to help himself to the treats laid out for the crew and Phillip rested down in the chair.

Ike frowned thoughtfully at the older man, "Need anything to eat or drink?" He asked. Phillip shook his head, smiling to assure Ike that he was fine. He'd quickly learned that Ike would pester him until he was sure that the actor was alright. Unfortunately for him, it didn't work this time. "Did something happen on set?"

Phillip issued a sigh before glancing around. Everyone was busy and nowhere near them at the moment so he straightened up in his seat, leaning slightly towards Ike. Their eyes locked and he looked like he was searching for something, "Do you want to go out tonight?"

Ike straightened and his mind immediately began to reel. Phillip didn't mean that, it was ridiculous actually. He probably meant drinks after work, which was a normal practice among coworkers who more than just tolerated each other but actually enjoyed each others company at work. That's what it meant. Phillip just worded it weird and, as bothersome as it was; Ike's hopes soared for it. He felt like he was emotionally cheating on his boyfriend.

He shook the thoughts out of his head and plastered on a smile, "Sorry, Phillip," He replied as he kept their eye contact, "I can't hang out. I'm going on a date with my boyfriend."

There was a flicker of something in the blonde's eyes and he nodded slowly, leaning back in his chair. "You have a boyfriend?" He asked, "Since when?"

Ike shifted uncomfortably. He was expecting this day to come but he really didn't want it too, "The day I took the job I suppose…I mean…that's when we decided to go on a date." He mumbled, not exactly telling the truth.

"Oh, well congrats," Phillip stated, not really sounding at sincere or enthusiastic about it.

Ike shifted again, biting his lip, "Well…maybe I'll have him visit sometime so you guys can meet…" He suggested.

Phillip gave a small shrug, standing up and heading back to the stage and Ike felt his shoulders slump.

* * *

Ike rolled out of bed in the middle of the night, more like four thirty in the morning actually, and warily looked at the other side of the mattress. It was empty, of course, because he had declined Steve's sexual advances, stating that he was tired and wanted to go to bed after their date. He lied, of course, he wasn't tired at all. He simply didn't feel like having sex with Steve. He never did feel like it and he never did it, so he was dumped at home by a very frustrated man but Ike honestly didn't care.

All he cared about, all he could think about the whole night was Phillip asking him to go out and the guarded but faintly disappointed he got when Ike told him of his boyfriend. A queasy feeling hit Ike as he moved out of his room, bile rising up in his throat and he idly hoped that it was food poisoning. He really wasn't in the mood for some sort of emotional personal revelation.

His wish was granted when he starting puking uncontrollably into his toilet.

The puking and stomach pains went through the rest of the early morning and well into the hours where he should've been getting ready and going to meet Phillip at the studio. When he could finally pull himself away from his tiled prison, Ike crawled to the phone and dialed the memorized number of Phillip's cell.

"Hello?"

Ike's stomach lurched and he felt like he could cry but he sucked it up, "Hey, Phillip…uh…it's Ike," He stammered shakily, afraid to open his mouth and allow his stomach to revolt once again.

"Ike? What's wrong? Are you okay?"

Ike couldn't help but wince at the great amount of concern in Phillip's voice. "I-I'm fine…just…food poisoning. Puking all morning." He whimpered when his stomach threatened to revolt again, "I gotta go," He groaned into the phone before hanging up and running to the bathroom.

He didn't know how long he was in the bathroom but he uttered a small whimper when he heard a knock at the door. He really didn't want to deal with anybody at the moment. Still, he forced himself up onto his weak legs and stumbled down the hall before opening the door, clinging to the knob. His energy was simply drained. Tiredly, he looked at whoever had come knocking at the door and he straightened slightly at the sight of Phillip with a grocery bag.

"You look like shit." The blonde commented as his eyes took in Ike's appearance.

Too tired to snap back, Ike merely flipped Phillip off, "What are you doing here?" He asked; his voice croaking and his throat feeling mighty sore.

"I brought soup and saltines." Ike gave a groan and Phillip merely pushed past the younger boy, stepping into the apartment for the second time in his life. He set the bag down on the small table in front of the couch and turned to watch Ike slowly close the door. "And Sally will be by later to check on you." Phillip hesitantly approached the younger man, who watched tiredly, and pressed his hand to Ike's forehead before sliding it down to the Jewish Canadian's cheek. "You don't have a fever at least."

Ike rolled his eyes, deciding not to remind Phillip that he wasn't sick, he was just suffering for eating bad food. His cheek involuntarily pressed against the blonde man's palm and almost pouted when Phillip pulled his hand back. Instead of letting his hand drop to his side, Phillip put his hand on Ike's shoulder and directed the black haired man to the couch, where they sat down and Phillip began rummaging through the bag.

"I know you're probably not in the mood to eat but soup and crackers will help you settle your stomach," He said before pulling out a Styrofoam cup and tugging off the lid and getting a plastic spoon. He held the soup out to Ike, who recoiled slightly and groaned, earning a scolding look from the older man, "I _will_ feed you like a baby."

Ike sighed and held out his hands for the cup. He accepted the food and wrinkled his nose, shooting Phillip a look that clearly said 'if I puke, I'm blaming you'. The blonde man merely returned a look that demanded Ike take a bite or else. Grudgingly, he took a bite and moaned at how the warm liquid soothed his throat. And the soup was delicious!

He took careful bites, letting his stomach settle through time and eventually relaxed more into the couch. Phillip had taken it upon himself to turn on the television and he was lazily flipping through the channels. Ike frowned slightly as he watched him. He didn't want the older man to leave, feeling rather comforted by his presence alone, but he didn't want Phillip to lose his job either.

"Shouldn't you be shooting?" He asked curiously, his voice still croaking slightly from the stress on his throat.

Phillip gave a light shrug, continuing to flip through the channels, "Shooting was cancelled due to the director catching on fire." He replied in an uninterested tone before glancing at Ike, whose eyebrows had risen in surprise. "Are you done?" Ike nodded slowly and Phillip took the cup, stuffing it back into the bag before offering the crackers. Ike accepted them, mumbling a thank you before silently munching away. Phillip glanced at him with an amused expression on his face and Ike looked back curiously, "So how was your date?"

Ike glared at him, chucking a cracker at the blonde and Phillip simply laughed. "It's not funny." He snapped in annoyance. Phillip chuckled again, giving an easy and relaxed grin that made Ike simply feel more uneasy. And he doubted it was the food poisoning. "Thanks…uhm…for taking care of me." Just saying that made his face heat up and he glared intently at the television.

Phillip gave a relaxed shrug, "I couldn't let you be home alone and sick."

Ike felt his face heat up even more and he curled up, watching the television intently. He was staring at it more than watching, since he had no idea what was on. Thankfully the phone rang before Phillip could notice and say something.

Ike fumbled for a moment before answering. "Hello?"

"Ike, thank God," It was Steve and his voice sounded as raw as Ike's felt, "Have you been throwing up?"

"Yeah," Ike replied, "I don't think we'll be going to that restaurant ever again."

Steve managed a soft laugh, "Anyway, do you want to come over and suffer together? I have some movies that need watching…"

Ike could hear the alluring tone in his voice that suggested they do other things if they felt better after the movie. Ike glanced over at Phillip, who looked like he was doing his damnedest to not eavesdrop before giving a soft sigh. "Sorry, Steve, but I'm a bit busy right now and I don't think it would be a good idea to travel at the moment anyway."

Steve issued a whine over the phone, "But _Ike_…"

"No."

"Honestly, Ike, is there something wrong with me? Do you not find me attractive?"

Ike heaved a long tired sigh, "We'll talk about this later," He stated, "I gotta go." And before Steve could reply, he hung up and tossed the phone on the table by the bag. He carefully glanced at Phillip again, raising an eyebrow at the curious look he was getting, "What?"

"I could have left." Phillip stated while studying Ike intently.

"Yeah?"

"You…told him you were busy."

Ike offered a soft smile shifting so he was more comfortable in his seat and snatched the remote to find something more interesting on TV. "Well, I am," He replied simply.

After a few seconds, he glanced at Phillip out of the corner of his eye and found the blonde fighting off a grin.


	7. Big Brother Kyle

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park_

* * *

Two months after his encounter with food poisoning, Ike Broflovski bit his lip and lifted himself on his toes in an attempt to look over the wary travelers coming out of the guarded hall. Sally giggled in amusement as she watched him, nibbling on the pretzel he had purchased for her at the food court. Though she would've preferred he bought himself something to eat too, she understood that Ike was much too excited to eat and he most likely wouldn't be able to handle it. Ike peeked down at her curiously when she giggled, raising an eyebrow.

"What?" He asked before gluing his searching gaze back onto the hall.

She gave another soft giggle, "Your eagerness," She replied, picking off another piece of her pretzel and popping it into her mouth, "You must really adore him."

Ike shot Sally an amused glare before gasping. A grin spread across his face as a mess of red curly hair approached them, "Kyle!" He ran towards his older brother, who dropped his things as soon as he caught sight of Ike.

Kyle looked tired, a bit jetlagged, but eager for action. He wore dark blue loose fit jeans and a green sweater, showing off his slim build. It was probably the only thing he and Ike had physically in common. That and the circumcised penises of course, but neither of them talked about that. It was just a bit too weird. A giddy expression immediately took over his face when he caught sight of his little brother and it made Ike think he was four again. Apparently over time, Kyle's power never let go of Ike, because he still regarded his brother in awe. Eager to impress and have his older brother accept him, even though he knew he was already accepted and impressed. Kyle Broflovski constantly bragged about his brother in his blog.

The brothers swung their arms around each other in a tight embrace, both laughing in glee that they were once again reunited. The pulled away and Ike grinned, appraising his brother's styled hair that made the jewfro actually pass as a hairstyle, "Nice hair."

Kyle smirked back at his younger brother, "I could say the same." He replied. "I like the cowlick." He ruffled Ike's hair and the younger swatted at him.

"It makes me think of home," He replied curtly before picking up Kyle's bags and turned on his heel, marching back towards Sally.

Kyle quickly fell in step next to him, "Mmm, I remember the time where I tried to convince you that being raised by cows was much more enlightening than by humans."

Ike gave a snort and elbowed Kyle in the side playfully, "Where do you think the cowlick came from?" He asked in a joking tone, allowing the huge grin to consume his face when Kyle laughed. "I'm starting to think you were right though."

They stopped in front of Sally and Ike grinned as she and her brother regarded each other curiously. She offered a sweet smile and held out her hand. "Hi, I'm Sally. It's very nice to finally meet you Kyle." She greeted, sounding as though she had obviously been practicing for this event.

He grinned lazily at her, taking her hand and shaking it politely, "My mom never shuts up about that damn album. And its shot Ike up into the favorite child slot, you have to make it up to me."

Sally pulled her hand back, fighting back a giggle as her face pinked ever so slightly. She ducked her head, glancing up at Kyle through her lashes and Ike rolled his eyes. As soon as his brother got rid of his hat before graduation, he seemed to have this affect on women. Ike honestly didn't understand it but he figured it was probably because he was Kyle's brother. If Kyle were Kenny McCormick, he'd understand completely. His brother's blonde friend was quite the hottie.

Kyle regarded his brother with a curious expression, "So where's this boyfriend you told me about?" He asked.

Ike plastered on a smile, having had a fight with Steve earlier in the day about Kyle's arrival and the effect it would have on Ike's schedule. Phillip was kind enough to give him the week and a half Kyle was in the country off, no questions asked. He was even getting paid for it. "He's sleeping. He works at night so the schedule is a bit weird."

Both Kyle and Sally looked unconvinced and the redhead grinned at the young woman, "My brother is such a horrible liar."

Sally nodded in agreement and Ike scowled at them both before adjusting his grip on Kyle's bags and stomping off towards the airport's exits. "C'mon. Let's go eat." He snapped at them and rolled his eyes as they both shared an amused laugh. They both caught up with him soon enough and he glanced at his companions, "Done playing 'let's pick on Ike'?" He asked, feigning irritation.

Kyle laughed, "I have _months_ to catch up on, little brother, and you won't get out of it that easily." He laughed at Ike's pout and slung an arm around his little brother's shoulder, "So where are we going to eat?" He asked, "Somewhere exotic I hope."

Ike snorted, "How is Canada exotic?"

Kyle 'hmmed' and gave a shrug, "I suppose you're right. After all, only you would move somewhere completely boring."

Ike opened his mouth to retort but Sally tugged on his arm and smiled, "Would it be alright if I invited my father and Phillip?" She asked.

Ike was about to decline but he could feel his brother perk next to him. "Terrance and Phillip?"

Damn Sally. Damn her to hell.

She smiled brightly at Kyle, "Yes, Ike said you were a big fan so I figured I could ask. Just as long as you don't make a scene of course…"

Kyle laughed and waved her off, "I've never freaked out over them before. Like a fan boy at least," He replied. "I did freak out when they…you know…in the war…and when I thought they broke up…"

Ike scowled at her, both cursing her and his brother's generally unintended womanizing abilities. But then he plastered on a smile, "You know what. That's a good idea. I'll have Steve come and we'll make a thing of it."

Her smile faltered, causing Ike to smirk before he looked to his older brother. Kyle was smiling brightly, "So we'll get this whole meet and greet out of the way?" He asked and Ike nodded, "I'm in then."

Sally issued a sigh as she opened her trunk and Ike dropped the bags in before holding the back door open for his brother. Kyle slid in and promptly took as much seat as possible, most likely eager to have his legs stretched and not willing to sit like he had for the past couple hours just yet. Sally took her seat behind the wheel and Ike sat down in the passenger seat, digging out his phone to send Steve a text.

* * *

Dinner was going…quite well actually. They were in a nice little Italian restaurant where one couldn't get away with jeans and a t-shirt but slacks and a button up shirt did the job just fine. The small group sat a round circle table where Ike sat next to Steve, who sat next to Phillip, who sat next to Terrance, then Sally, who was wearing a rather attractive green skirt and shooting seductive looks at Ike's oblivious brother, and finally Kyle. And Kyle, of course, sat next to his younger brother. Terrance, Sally and Kyle were engaged in a conversation about the States while Phillip pretended to listen intently while poking at the ice in his glass of water with a straw but Ike noted how he kept eyeing Steve, who was creeping his hand up Ike's thigh under the table. Ike merely pretended nothing was wrong as he squirmed away from his boyfriend's touch, eventually resorting to stabbing the offending hand with his fork until it retreated.

It was nice to know that after five months, Steve was still committed to trying to get into Ike's pants. It wasn't as though Ike didn't want sex; he just didn't want sex with Steve. The man's touch alone seemed to give him an unwanted chill of dislike. He felt gross.

Kyle seemed to sense something because he peered at his little brother's boyfriend with a stiff smile, "Tell me a bit about yourself, Steve."

Steve straightened and looked at Kyle, seeming quite collected, "I'm twenty four, a night time stock boy at a super market and I have three roommates." He replied.

Kyle laced his fingers together and eyed the man next to Ike suspiciously, "And your intentions with my little brother?" He asked.

Ike sank in his chair ever-so-slightly as Sally smirked at him from across the table. He knew what was coming; Steve and Sally had this conversation before, "Well, at the moment? I intend to finally fuck him. He's a bit of a prude, your brother." Steve replied in an amused tone.

Kyle's eyes narrowed dangerously, "Honesty. Wow." His green eyes seemed to glow and whenever they brightened like that, Ike knew his brother wasn't happy. He'd seen it often when Kyle had gotten into arguments with Eric Cartman, "You two have been together for five months and you haven't had sex?" Ike nodded. "And how long has this one been after your ass?"

Ike shifted uncomfortably, "Two months?"

"More like five," Steve corrected, "If you want to make it official. Actually, I've wanted to screw Ike for a while before that."

Ike felt himself wince, a pang in his heart told him he was hurt and felt used. Even though, he was using Steve, it hurt. And at least he was using Steve, it was emotional. He was hoping he could learn to feel something for the other man. He didn't dare to look up at Phillip.

"What do you plan after that?" Sally asked in feigned intrigue. She was resting her chin in her palm and leaning forward while retaining a superior look.

Steve leered at her, "What do you want me to plan?" He asked in a seductive tone.

Ike felt and probably looked like he was going to be sick. He managed to sink down even more and peered at his older brother. Kyle's eyes were positively glowing and his face was pale. His relaxed looking hands were also forming fists as he began to slowly rise to his feet. A punch was swung and Steve was knocked back with a sickening crack, his chair falling with him. Blood pooled out of his quickly bruising and swelling nose while tears pooled out of his eyes.

He stared in shock, "You _broke_ my nose!" He shouted.

Phillip shook out his hand, glaring down at the man on the floor. Terrance was on his feet, looking eager to fight just incase and Ike, Sally and Kyle stared at the older blonde man in complete and utter shock. "Talk to either of them ever again and I'll break more than that."

"You better get out of here, Buddy. I'm not appreciating what you just said to my daughter," Terrance chimed in, advancing slowly.

Steve scrambled to his feet, clutching his nose, "Fuck you guys!" He snapped before exiting the restaurant completely.

Ike peered cautiously at the table. Sally stared back, her mouth a thin line. Kyle slowly sat down as Terrance and Phillip returned to their seats. He stared at his plate silently, knowing that not only their eyes were focused on him but pretty much everyone else in the restaurant was looking at him.

"Listen…Ike…" Kyle started quietly.

Ike stood up abruptly, feeling the stinging of tears start their attack on his eyes. "I…I need some air. I'll be right back." He muttered before swiftly exiting the restaurant.

He was pleased to find that Steve's car was gone, not that he thought the man, his now ex-boyfriend, would stay. He leaned against the building away from a small group and wiped at his eyes. He wasn't crying at the fact that he was now single, he honestly didn't care too much for Steve in the first place. He was attractive and fun to flirt with but then Ike realized the man had no substance. Yes, Ike was crying because he'd allowed himself to be with a completely shallow moron who was painfully beneath his league. Whatever league he was.

No, Steve's type was some cute little bimbo who would age gracefully via plastic surgery and would play oblivious to the sign of Steve's cheating. Because it was quite obvious that Steve got around. And Ike's type was…

Ike rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands and let out a small sob. This was just ridiculous, completely and absolutely ridiculous. He should be happy to get a long time thorn out of his side. That meant a lot less deflecting and arguments and more time to himself. Sally would be happy, and this meant he could spend even more time with Kyle this next week and a half.

Ike tried to ignore whoever it was that stood next to him, leaning against the wall with their hands in their pockets. Eventually curiosity gave in and Ike allowed his eyes to flicker over to his new company. He openly flinched as the memory of Phillip striking the blow came back to him.

"I'm sorry I-"

Ike moved his gaze to watch the valet accept keys and take cars to designated spots, "Don't be." He cut in.

"But-"

"He deserved it." Ike interrupted again, still keeping his voice emotionless.

There was a moment of silence before Phillip spoke up again, "Everyone's worried about you."

"I'll be there in a second."

Phillip shifted next to him in an awkward fashion before letting out a sigh and turning completely to Ike. Ike looked up at him through his lashes and then down at the pavement, biting his lip. He couldn't help but look up again when Phillip placed his hands on Ike's shoulders.

"Ike, don't beat yourself up over someone who treated you like meat," He stated softly, "You'll be much better off." Ike pulled away and Phillip sighed again, "You can do better."

"Yeah?" Ike snapped, "Like who? A wife beater? Another cheater?"

Phillip straightened up as he stared at the younger man, their eyes locking. "I know you care aboot him, Ike, but there's no need to be an ass." He replied, his tone both sounding irritated and disappointed.

Ike's mouth dropped open somewhat in shock and he glared intensely at Phillip. He felt his hands curl into fists as he held them tightly to his side. He didn't dare break eye contact with the man and felt angry with himself that he still couldn't stop feeling attracted to the man in front of him. And they were getting into a fight.

God, this was just too much at once. All Ike could think about was Phillip helping Ike home when he was drunk, Phillip giving Ike a job because he was close to working himself to death, Phillip hitting his boyfriend because of the crude and slightly hurtful comments he said about Ike. It felt like his emotions were overwhelming and he felt like breaking down and crying.

He didn't want to have this conversation; he wanted to just go back inside where he'd be safe in awkward silence until his brother got him alone. He couldn't control his own mouth though.

"I don't care about Steve. I barely liked Steve, let alone stand him!" Ike spat out as frustrated tears pricked at his eyes as his words seemed to flow out uncontrollably, "He was just…stupid and I was just fucking _using_ him!"

Phillip's brow furrowed in confusion as he watched Ike, his head tilting to the side ever-so-slightly. He kept his eyes locked with Ike's but he seemed to be searching intently for something, the answer most likely. And apparently he didn't find it, "Then…why?"

"Because I wanted to get over you!"


	8. Brother Time

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park._

* * *

"Ike, I _am_ your big brother. You can talk to me about this kind of stuff." Ike rolled his eyes as he unlocked his front door and allowed Kyle to enter first. The redhead did so, tugging off his jacket and tossing it onto the couch before following his little brother to the bedroom of the apartment. Kyle tripped over a stack of books but caught himself and stumbled after Ike, muttering a few choice curse words. "Haven't you ever heard of bookshelves?!" He snapped.

"Then it'd be easier for the burglars," Ike mumbled in reply as he turned into his room and picked out his pajama pants and shirt.

Kyle snorted, leaning against the doorframe, "Ike, really, talk to me. What happened when you went outside?" He asked in a completely serious tone that promised he wasn't going to give up, "What made you so tense?"

Ike tugged off his shirt and shot his brother a glare, "I wasn't tense." He growled.

"You brutally stabbed your steak."

"It was tough," Ike mumbled, pulling the rest of his pajamas on.

"Is it because you and that Steve guy aren't together anymore?" Kyle asked in a curious tone.

Ike brushed past him, walking back into the living room and then the kitchen while barking out a laugh, "I'm glad he's gone." Ike replied, looking back to the redhead who had followed him, "You know he threw a bitch fit because you were coming and I was going to spend more time with you than him?" Kyle looked a bit bothered but even more confused, causing Ike to just give a long sigh, "It's…really complicated." He stated, rubbing his temples before getting out two mugs and chocolate milk mix, knowing that Kyle liked to indulge himself in the drink every once in a while. His diabetes's wasn't _that_ bad after all. "Go get changed."

Kyle nodded, grabbing his bag and tugging it to the bathroom. The redhead had gotten a shower in before dinner so he didn't have to do that now. He just always liked his privacy when he changed, unlike Ike who would happily strip down to his underwear in front of family and friends, certain people excluded. He was thankful for Kyle's privacy issues though, because now he had a moment alone to think.

After Ike blurted out his irritated confession, Phillip merely stared at him, slack jawed. Ike had then avoided looking at him, wincing when the blonde suggested they go inside since it was starting to drizzle. Not wanting to talk anymore, Ike followed Phillip inside where the older man gave some lame excuse and they ordered their meals. There was a moment of awkward silence before good natured talking resumed, Kyle asking about Sally's career and Terrance watching the two like a hawk while talking to Phillip on the side. Ike made it evident that he wasn't in the mood for talking as he stared at his plate the rest of the night, not daring to sneak a peek at Phillip, who probably thought Ike was insane or something.

Going back to work was going to be a bitch.

Ike glanced over at the phone on the counter as he finished scooping chocolate powder into the mugs. He could always call Kenny and ask, since the blonde gave him such 'wonderful advice' before but then he'd run the risk of both hurting Kyle's feelings and revealing what the problem was. He really didn't know how his older brother would feel about this and he honestly didn't want to find out. Especially when it was just a stubborn, silly little crush.

Great, now he was lying to himself.

Kyle came back in wearing sweatpants and a large shirt as Ike finished pouring in the milk. He accepted his mug with a smile and the brothers moved to sit out the couch, sipping their drinks. The silence grew comfortable but Ike knew that when something was on Kyle Broflovski's mind, silence wouldn't last long.

"Damn, Phillip could swing a punch." He muttered before taking another relaxed sip.

Ike's grip on his mug tightened as he stared into the chocolaty contents of his drink. "And I didn't even thank him." He mumbled, his memory once again shooting back to earlier that evening.

"Call him then."

Ike felt his face brighten slightly and he shook his head, keeping his gaze on his mug, "It's too late." He replied lamely, thankful that his older brother was fairly oblivious when it came to this kind of thing. "He's probably asleep."

"Nah," Kyle replied, "He's probably still up. If we just got home, he most likely did too." Damn brothers and their amazing logic. Ike gave Kyle a look that clearly said he didn't want to do it and Kyle raised an eyebrow. He set his mug down on the table and Ike suspiciously followed suit, "You didn't take your phone out of your pants." The redhead noted.

The next thing they knew, they were racing down the hall, shoving the other into the wall. Kyle quickly ran into Ike's room and his little brother flung himself, tackling the older man. Kyle easily squirmed out of his little brother's grasp and fumbled with Ike's discarded pants, shoving Ike away whenever he could. He laughed victoriously as he clutched the cell phone in his hand and Ike tackled again. They wrestled fiercely and the younger Jewish man ended up pinned down, his older brother sitting on him and scrolling through the phonebook of the cell giddily while Ike growled obscenities.

"Goddammit Kyle," Ike snapped, squirming in irritation, "Give me my phone back!"

"In a minute," Kyle replied as he held the phone to his ear curiously. He earned another slew of obscenities from his brother and his grin widened before he pressed the phone to Ike's ear.

"You fucking sonnova-"

"Ike?"

Ike's face grew so hot that he could probably cook an egg on it. "I-I didn't mean you," He stammered into the phone, "My brother he…and then…and m-my phone…" His forehead hit the floor when Kyle's weight lifted off his back and the redhead exited the room, laughing.

"You're not making any sense." Phillip tiredly stated, sounding a bit impatient.

Ike winced ever-so-slightly, feeling entirely guilty for the apparent bad and wary mood, "I-I just wanted to thank you…for you know….that punch…and stuff."

There was a soft sigh on the other end of the phone, "Ike, its fine." Phillip replied. "I'm just glad you're okay….you…are okay now, aren't you?"

A warm feeling flooded Ike's stomach as he rolled over to lie on his back and stare up at the pale ceiling. He wasn't going to bring up his confession, that much was true. He was pretty much going act like it didn't even happen at all. He had a feeling Phillip would hint at it if he wanted to talk about it but not actually bring it up. He _really_ hoped that feeling was right.

"Fine, fine, never better," Ike replied, forcing out the slight bitter tone in his voice. He really didn't mean it, "And…yeah…pretty much just wanted to thank you…"

"Good…good…"

There was a long awkward pause and Ike shifted uncomfortably before speaking again, "I guess I shou-" He stopped talking when he realized Phillip was saying something as well. God, this was weird. "Go ahead." He stated before Phillip could beat him.

"I was just wondering if you…" There was a hesitation and Ike pressed the phone tightly to his ear, biting his lip and listening intently, "If…If you have the address to tomorrow's interview. I lost it." Phillip stated, sounding a bit down and annoyed.

Ike blinked, registering what was just said and the rising disappointment. He mentally kicked himself at the disappointment before forcing on a slightly cheery tone, "Yeah, sure. Let me just get my laptop." He scooted over to his desk and opened up the small computer turning it on. "You're not going to get lost on the way, are you?" He asked curiously, knowing quite well that Phillip has gotten lost on his way to interviews before.

"I'm carpooling with Terrance," Phillip replied, no amusement in his voice what-so-ever. Ike winced again and silently pulled up the address before reciting it to Phillip. "Alright, I have it." Phillip said in a finalizing tone, "Enjoy your break and I'll see you next week."

"Yeah…I'll see you." Ike mumbled. He listened to the slight click and the silence that occurred before the dial tone and his phone hung up its side of the line by itself.

He set it aside and shut down his computer before stumbling back into the living room to find Kyle fast asleep on the couch. He grabbed the thick blanket he'd set out for his brother and unwrapped it from its folding before draping it over Kyle. After that he quickly took the mugs of chocolate milk and rinsed them out before stumbling back into his room and collapsing on his bed.

Ike laid restlessly for a moment, constantly glancing at his nightstand before opening the drawer and pulling out the old Phillip doll. Pushing away thoughts of how fucking gay this all was, he hugged the doll close and allowed his mind to drift away.

* * *

"You're an ass."

"Cheese!"

Ike sighed and glared at his brother, who had his arm wrapped around both his little brother and the Mountie standing on his other side. There was a flash of light and the Mountie's partner handed Kyle his digital camera. He thanked them and made some sort of joke, sending them on their way laughing.

Ike rubbed his temples warily and Kyle flashed a smile in his direction, "I told you I'd be making up for lost time." He reminded. Ike continued to glare as Kyle caught site of an interesting looking store and grabbed his arm. "That store looks promising!"

Ike heaved a sigh as he was dragged into the building, "We're going to have to get you another suitcase or two with all the crap you're buying," He said, "Meaning paying extra for baggage at the airline."

Kyle shrugged and gave a lazy grin, "You'll pay for me, won't you?" Ike rolled his eyes and he sighed, "Come on, Ike. Today is my last day before leaving tomorrow and you've been sorta lame." Ike opened his mouth to argue but Kyle held up a finger, maintaining a soft smile, "I know you're trying, but you're my brother and I know when you're upset about something. I have to admit though; you've gotten better at covering it up."

"I've had practice," Ike mumbled. He caught Kyle eyeing him suspiciously, looking as though he were deciding whether or not to ask his little brother for details. Before he could make up his mind, Ike shoved him in one direction of the store, "Go. Look at things." He ordered before stalking off to the opposite far corner.

Thankfully, he had picked the corner where the books were located. His eyes roamed the few shelves curiously and he raised an eye at one hard covered book. He slid it out of its spot and opened it up, reading a random page curiously. In the distance, he could hear Kyle's obnoxious ring tone play 'My Ding Ding Dong' by Gunther. The story behind it was long but involved a drunken bet between Kyle and Kenny and Kyle had lost. Ike wasn't too sure about the details.

Ike slid the book back into its spot as Kyle approached him, a frown on his face as he talked into the phone intently, "Alright, Kenny. I'll see you at the airport. And…thanks…" He snapped his phone shut and eyed Ike. "Kenny told me about your talk a few months back."

Ike raised an eyebrow, "Any reason why?" He asked, promising himself to exact revenge against Kenny McCormick, because this whole thing was going to bring him more trouble than it was worth.

"I sent him an email relaying all of the events thus far on my trip. He and Stan wanted me to do it." Kyle replied, watching his brother awkwardly. "The…the older guy….wasn't Steve, was it?" Ike bit his lip, slumping his shoulders and he shook his head. Kyle now had an inkling and he knew the redhead wouldn't give up until he figured everything out. The older man heaved a sigh, "Let's go to that café I saw three doors down."

Ike didn't argue and they walked to the café. They took a seat outside and a waitress came, taking their orders before quickly leaving. Kyle watched Ike intently before leaning forward expectantly. Ike even leaned away ever-so-slightly and looked out into the street. "Go ahead. Ask your questions."

"Is it Phillip?" Ike winced and gave a short nod, not daring to look at his older brother. "Are you guys together?"

Ike gave him a shocked look and glared, "No!"

Kyle raised an eyebrow, "Well, sorry, Ike. It's just…the way he acted at the restaurant, I figured you guys were like...secret lovers or something."

Ike leaned his elbows against the table, burying his hands in his hair and squeezing his eyes shut, "No, we're not together or anything." He sighed, "It's just a little crush that I'll get over eventually."

"You talked to Kenny about it _months_ ago." Kyle pointed out calmly.

"Its just taking a little bit longer than it should," Ike replied before peering at Kyle, "Besides, he's my _boss_. I'm trying to keep it professional."

Kyle frowned, "But, Ike, he-"

Ike glared fiercely, "Strictly. Professional." He growled, forcing a sigh to be heaved from his older brother.

"Fine," Kyle nearly pouting and leaned back in his chair.

Ike frowned and turned to look back out into the street. It was strange that his brother wasn't overreacting about Ike liking an older man. A completely older man actually. He seemed cool with it actually. He peeked over at his older brother with a frown. He wanted to ask Kyle about it, find out if his brother was really okay with it, but then it would come out as Ike making it something more than a silly little crush.

Which it was.

Totally.

Not really.

Kyle crossed his arms over his chest and Ike warily glanced over to him, "I won't tell." The redhead stated.

Ike smiled weakly in thanks. The last thing he wanted was rumors of torrid love affairs with older men and grave-robbing to spread through South Park like wildfire. Kyle lived in New York now, but if anyone from South Park caught wind of juicy gossip, it spread like wild fire, forming and becoming worse by the second. And that's before Sheila Broflovski got involved.

That was a frightening thought.

Their food came and Kyle happily ate while Ike merely poked about at his meal. He caught his brother's worried glanced every once in a while but he didn't call him out since it would only lead to more on the subject they just had. He stared down at his food, biting his lip.

What if he couldn't stop liking Phillip? Would he have to quit his job and find a new one? It would be easier since he now had the experience of being a personal assistant to one of Canada's biggest stars but the thought of leaving Phillip's side as his right hand man made his stomach ache. He'd grown accustomed to taking care of the older man's professional needs and actually enjoyed his job. Not many people could say that these days.

Ike uttered a soft gasp as sour cream collided into his forehead. Kyle laughed loudly across from him, "Sorry, but you were thinking too much and I wanted to snap you out of it!"

Ike wiped the food off of his forehead and flung some of his own at his brother. It quickly erupted into a food fight; both Broflovski's laughing loudly and earning angry shouts from the other customers.

Good thing the food sucked there, because both Ike and Kyle were banned from the little café and asked to leave before the police were involved.


	9. Confession

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park. _

_I have to say, I am SOOO happy that people like this pairing!_

* * *

Twenty year old Ike Broflovski rolled his eyes as he worked the powerful skin care pad through Terrance's black hair, working at the gum that had somehow infused itself in the actor's hair. "Keep this up and you're going to have to start paying me," He stated in a mildly amused tone. Terrance merely pouted and Ike looked at the older man curiously, "How did it happen anyway?"

Terrance crossed his arms over his chest and continued to pout, "Phillip did it." He stated in a snippy tone. "That pig fucker."

"Mmm, you didn't instigate it?" Ike asked, fighting off his amused smirk. He knew quite well that Terrance was a bit more abrasive than his blonde co-star and Phillip would most likely only act out if provoked.

"No....Ow, don't tug so hard," Ike eyed Terrance in warning and the man sighed, "I…may have said some things…"

"What kind of things?" Ike asked idly while rubbing at a stubborn part of gum.

"Secret things. None of your business." Terrance replied quickly. "Ow, I said not to tug so hard!"

Ike sighed, "The both of you are almost fifty. Act like it." He finished cleaning the gum out of Terrance's hair and moved out of the dressing room, grinning when Terrance shouted an argumentative but joking retort.

"I'm just getting into character, buddy!"

Things had developed quite well over the past three months. Ike and Phillip had not spoken of the night at the restaurant and both acted as if it never happened. Actually, it was more like Ike acted like it never happened and Phillip followed suit for an exception of a couple times. The younger man had learned to catch the tone that meant Phillip was going to try and talk about it and was able to use it against him. Ike never forgot about it though. It actually crossed his mind everyday and pretty much every time he saw the blonde actor. Also, the attraction simply wouldn't leave. Despite trying everything he could think of, Ike simply couldn't get over Phillip.

And he found it irritating but he knew he couldn't last without the feeling now.

Damn, that sounded obsessive and stalkerish.

The thing was, if he and Phillip ever did talk about it, the results would most likely be devastating. Ike would end up quitting because Phillip would be uneasy around him, especially at the times where they would be alone in the dressing room. They'd probably end up bumping into each other like they tended to do. It was just common sense that straight men were uneasy around gay men. They would act like they were threatened or something.

Assuming Phillip was straight of course. Ike wasn't really sure.

Ike walked into Phillip's dressing room, pleased to find it unoccupied. He tossed the gummy cleaning pad into the trash can and grabbed his laptop before curling up onto the small couch. He opened up the small computer and started, deciding he might as well catch up on the news while he had some time to himself.

He only got started on an article about the current economy when Phillip came in, straightening up at the site of Ike and sitting down next to him on the couch. "Ike, we need to talk."

Ike knew that tone well. That was the tone that signaled Phillip bringing up that night at the restaurant. He kept his gaze on the screen of the computer and remained emotionless, "Today's opinion article is about the ethics of dating between bosses and their employees. Apparently it's bad." He raised his eyebrow, keeping his eyes still on the screen, "Interesting…" He flickered his eyes up at Phillip, noting how the forty-nine year old man seemed to be thinking intently about something, "What did you want to talk about?"

Phillip uttered a sigh and shook his head, "Nothing." He mumbled, "It's nothing."

Ike watched him get up dejectedly and exit the room, frowning when he heard the gasp of one of the crew members as something went loudly crashing to the ground. He began to wonder if maybe, just maybe, Phillip felt something for Ike. That maybe he felt the same way the young twenty year old felt for him. It was a fleeting thought that Ike quickly pushed down, fighting off the welling emotions.

An intern, probably the one who gasped loudly, peeked into the room shyly; her brown hair was frizzy and out of place, meaning that either she was stressed or Terrance got to her. "Uhm…is there a reason Phillip just pushed over the food cart?" She asked meekly.

"He and Terrance got into an argument," Ike replied with a half hearted shrug, "He'll be fine."

She looked like she didn't believe him but she nodded slowly anyway. "I-If you say so…uhm…we're going to start rolling in five minutes."

Ike gave a reassuring smile and nodded. She disappeared and he heaved a sigh before turning off his computer. He walked over to the set, stepping over assorted foods that were scattered on the floor and heaving a sigh. Phillip was really upset and since Ike doubted it was for the reason he hoped for, he had no idea what got his boss to act like this.

Terrance and Phillip were sitting closely together, Terrance patting the blonde's back and talking in hushed words. The rest of the cast and crew were watching the two warily, most likely praying there wouldn't be some sort of emotional outburst. Ike decided it would be best to keep his distance and he lingered by the wall until the director called for everyone to take their places.

Terrance and Phillip took their places on stage, waiting patiently until the call. They then brightened their expressions, running through their lines and laughing hysterically. Filming went great as usual and Ike found himself zoning out until they started a skit he wasn't aware of.

"Say, Phillip, I have a question for you," Terrance started enthusiastically.

"Yes Terrance, what is it?" Phillip replied with just as much forced enthusiasm.

"You see, I have a girlfriend but she won't put out. Do you think she will if I told her I love her?"

Ike glanced at the crew and everyone seemed as confused as he was but the director encouraged them to keep rolling. Apparently he wasn't going to risk a perfectly good improvised skit, despite having no clue what would happen.

Phillip gave a dramatic gasp and glared at his friend, "Terrance, I'm ashamed! You can't tell girls you love them just so you can have sex!" He scolded.

Terrance cocked his head to the side curiously, "Why not?"

"If you just want sex, get a prostitute," Phillip explained, "But don't mess with a person's emotions. It's cruel and hurtful," Ike winced when he saw the blonde's eyes glance at him quickly.

Phillip continued to lecture Terrance, laughs erupting every now and then but Ike couldn't register what was exactly said. He slid back into the hall, bursting into Phillip's dressing room and paced restlessly.

Shakily he fumbled for his phone and dialed for Sally. She'd know what to; she was smart and good with emotions.

The phone rang twice before she answered. "Shouldn't you be working, Ike?" She asked, her voice holding an amused tone.

"I like Phillip. A lot." He stated in a rush, "I want to go on dates with him and kiss him and….help."

There was a moment of silence before she laughed softly, "It's about time you came out and said it."

His mouth dropped open in shock, "You _knew_?"

There was another soft laugh, "I think I knew before you, Ike."

"But…when?"

Sally sighed softly, "I think I started getting the idea at the benefits dinner. When he ran after you," She replied. She waited a moment before realizing that he was completely speechless, "He likes you, Ike. He likes you a lot. I figured it out on my own, I'm not sure if he's told anyone, my father might not even know."

"I think he knows." Ike muttered.

A bubbling feeling came over Ike. He wanted to smile and grin but the way he acted, the way Phillip looked at him during their skit kept him from doing so. He could have possibly ruined his chances. It certainly seemed like it. And that thought hurt quite a bit, completely overpowering the bubble feeling.

"Ike?" Sally interrupted his thoughts softly, "Why are you bringing this up so suddenly? Did something happen?"

"I fucked up," He replied before proceeding to tell her the events of the day. Including details of the skit that had caused him to leave the area so abruptly and call her. His voice cracked every now and then and he waited patiently for her to say something, biting his lip to the point where it nearly bled.

"Goodness," She breathed softly into the phone.

"What should I do?"

"I can't tell you, Ike. It's your life, your decisions. Just do what feels right to you."

He issued a groan, "But what if I ruin it?"

"I doubt that. Now, I have a meeting to get to but I'll call later to find out what happens, alright?"

"Yeah, okay."

They hung up and Ike stuffed his phone back into his pocket before he sat on the couch and buried his face in his hands. His mind went to work as he mentally charted out possibilities. Causes and effects and different options he could take. They kept leading to one that, though he'd hate to do it, it wouldn't be so bad. It almost felt like his only option actually.

After about an hour of thinking, Phillip entered the room. He shut the door and leaned against it, uttering a loud sigh and running a tired hand down his face. Ike hesitantly stood up and walked over, halting when he felt he was a good distance away.

He cleared his throat and the blonde dropped his hand to look at him, "I…I need to tell you something."

Ike bit his lip nervously as Phillip eyed him warily. "Yes?" He asked, sounding as though he wanted to get the conversation done and over with so he could return to his bitter mood.

Ike straightened slightly and their eyes locked, "I lied about the article." He stated bluntly.

Phillip raised a curious eyebrow, "Yeah?" He asked, not really sounding happier. He sounded like he didn't have any emotion actually.

Ike sucked in a sharp breath but kept eye contact, though he really wanted to look away. He could feel his face heating up already, "But…I agree with it. People and their employees shouldn't date. It can lead to a lot of problems." He watched Phillip lower his eyes, his frown somehow held even more negative emotion. "And the thing is…the problem is…I like you. I mean, you're attractive and you've been nothing but kind to me what with the job and the soup and…and I could never get over it despite how weird it can and probably will make things and that's why I've been avoiding talking about that night like the plague."

Phillip's head snapped up and he looked hopeful, "Really?"

Ike gave a short, stiff nod. "I realize that I've been sending mixed messages and that's probably been causing a lot of problems for you. If…you know…you like me…" He felt his face heat up but he continued to force himself to maintain eye contact.

Phillip nodded shortly, "I do." He replied quietly. "I really do."

Ike managed a brief weak smile, his stomach nearly doing flips, before settling on a serious expression again, "But like I said. Bosses and employees just don't work." He stated softly while shifting his wait uneasily.

Phillip's face fell into a frown once again and Ike briefly realized he was once again sending the blonde mixed messages. And he hated it. He wanted to wipe the frown off of Phillips face right then and there.

It was now or never.

Ike felt shaky as he took a small step, closing the space between Phillip and him. He regained eye contact with the older man, who looked fairly confused. "I quit."

And then he clumsily crushed his lips against Phillip's.

* * *

_That Noxema pad thing for the gum in the hair really works. It's saved my hair more than once. =3_

_Also, I'm so sorry this one is short! By like…a page._


	10. Ping Pong

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park_

_I have a __**very important poll**__ on my main page. It would be super nice if my readers would go vote on it. Details about it are also on the profile page. It is something that will change me._

* * *

Ike Broflovski was happy. Yes, he had just quit his job, something he relied on quite a bit since it provided him food and shelter, but now he was sending every feeling he ever felt into the kiss he was sharing with his now former boss. He tugged Phillip Niles Argyle closer, deepening the kiss and the passion as the blonde man tightly held Ike's lean body against his own. They pulled apart and smiled brightly at each other.

They stayed like that for a moment before a look of realization hit Phillip and he looked at Ike with a scolding expression. "You're not quitting." He stated.

Ike's face fell into a frown and he sighed, "Bu-"

"I honestly could care less about your ethics." Phillip interrupted. "You simply can't quit, I've grown too accustomed to having a personal assistant."

"Hire a new one then," Ike argued.

Phillip thought about that and shook his head, "Nope. I'm happy with the one I have."

"Had."

"Have." He eyed Ike in warning and the younger man eyed back, "We can make it work. We'll be strictly professional during work hours and act as though we're not…are we together now?" Ike nodded, his cheeks pinking, "Then we'll act as though we're not boyfriends."

Ike frowned, "I don't know…"

Phillip smiled and rubbed his arms reassuringly, making Ike find himself relaxed and thinking that Phillip really did seem like the relationship type and this wasn't a horrible idea, "If it doesn't work out, then you can go ahead and quit, I'll be a job reference and we'll find you someone else to work for."

"That sounds doable," Ike allowed while offering a small smile.

Phillip's smile widened and he pulled the younger man into a tight hug before heaving a sigh, "One catch though."

Ike peeked up at the blonde, refusing to let go and gave him a curious look, "What kind of catch?" He asked while praying it wasn't something hideously serious that could compromise the whole perfection of this moment.

"Nobody can know. Not my fans. Not the crew. Not your family." Ike bit his lip in thought and Phillip ruffled his hair, "Just until I'm ready. And Terrance and Sally can know." He amended.

That was reasonable. After all, Terrance and Phillip had thousands and thousands of fans and a subject like this had to be treated delicately. Especially if the actor was going to have a relationship with his equally male personal assistant, some would simply jump to call it a scandal. That and Ike still hadn't gotten used to the overwhelming paparazzi, if this leaked out, he'd probably drown in a sea of questions and camera flashes.

He nodded slowly, "Sounds fair enough." Phillip broke out into a grin again and pulled Ike into a tight hug, burying his face in the younger boy's messy black hair. Ike couldn't help but laugh as he hugged back, "This is very professional."

"Gimme a minute," Phillip murmured into his hair, "I've been wanting to do this for a few months now."

Ike couldn't help but feel his face heat up, "Me too."

They stayed like that in a comfortable silence before quickly parting when there was a sharp knock at the door. Phillip cleared his throat and opened the door cautiously. The meek intern from earlier peeked her head in, studying them both curiously and Ike realized that his face was still red, as was Phillip's. Her face looked like she was slowly coming to a conclusion so Ike snatched up his laptop and quickly stomped to the door, pushing past Phillip by the shoulder.

"Since somebody insists on playing computer games on my laptop and giving it viruses, I gotta take it to an IT store," He snapped, turning to glare at Phillip who looked utterly confused, "If I lose data, you owe me a bonus."

The intern looked at Ike in shock before turning to look at Phillip. When she was turned away, Ike winked and Phillip straightened up, catching onto the younger man's plan. People got red-faced when they were angry too. "Fine! But I'm telling you that everything I played was safe and when you get the results back, I expect a full apology." He snapped.

"I expect a bonus!" Ike retorted.

"Well, you'll be waiting for a _long_ time."

Ike stomped off, breaking into a grin as soon as he got outside. He was pretty sure their little skit worked and the intern thought that they had an intense argument about imaginary viruses on Ike's computer. Good thing his boyfriend was an actor.

Boyfriend.

Ike hugged his laptop and grinned as he was overcome with a giddy feeling.

* * *

"I can't believe you bought this."

Ike grinned at Sally as she stared at the ping pong table that practically took up the whole room. His piles of books were all pushed against the wall, forming intimidating towers that seemed ready to collapse from a simple nudge. She ran her hand along the table before picking up the paddle on the far side and looking at Ike as though he had done the stupidest thing in the world.

He merely shrugged, "My apartment's lease is going to be up next month. I've been saving and I'm going to move into a bigger place. This is a house warming present to me, from me."

"This is a ridiculous gift to yourself," Sally replied while playing with the paddle absently.

"Wanna play?"

"Your serve."

Ike grinned as he served the plastic little ball, Sally hitting back immediately. They went like that for a few minutes before she gave a sharp hit and the ball flew past Ike. "Damn, Sally, you're good." She gave a shining small and Ike served again, "So…did Phillip tell you?" He asked cautiously.

She returned the ball with ease and gave him a curious look, "Tell me what?"

Ike hit the ball back towards her, a grin appearing on his lips, "I told him."

She caught the ball and leaned forward against the table, "And?" She asked with an expectant grin on her face.

"You can't tell anyone about us. Only you and your dad can know."

Sally issued a squeal before running around the table and flinging her arms around Ike's neck. He yelped in surprise and tentatively hugged back before she pulled away and smiled brightly, "This is fantastic, Ike! Oh, I knew it would happen! I should've made bets!"

Ike stared at her in shock, "You gamble?"

Sally rolled her eyes, "No," she replied, giving him a playful smack in the arm, "And it wouldn't have been a gamble because I knew for sure that it was going to happen." She gasped before he could reply, her face lighting up, "Dinner! You two should come visit me for dinner!"

Ike raised an eyebrow, "Isn't that kinda…weird?" He asked cautiously, "I mean…"

She waved him off with a laugh, "I'll invite my father and it'll be like a little get together of friends. And if we get to the subject of your new relationship, so be it." Ike rolled his eyes as the young woman then grabbed his hand, and dragged him to the couch, paddle and all. "Now. Tell me everything that happened."

Ike eyed her but sat down, "Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I'm going to act like a teenage girl," He stated in a snippy tone. She pouted and he rolled his eyes again, "Okay. I…kissed him."

Sally gave a delighted squeal, "Was it good? How did he react at first?"

"Isn't he practically your uncle?"

Sally gave his leg a light smack, "No changing the subject," She scolded.

Ike heaved a sigh and leaned back into the cushions, "It was…I dunno…I mean it was more than good. It was…full of feelings. You know?" He glanced at Sally and she was grinning brightly at him, "And he was pretty quick to kiss back I suppose….God, I sound gay."

"You are gay, dear."

"Doesn't mean I have to act like Big Gay Al," Ike retorted, causing a rather confused look from Sally. "He's this painfully stereotypical gay guy back home. Everything's super to him…he helped my brother's best friend learn to deal with having a gay dog." Sally continued to look completely confused and Ike laughed, "I need to take you to South Park sometime. It'll…it'll be an adventure to say the least."

Sally didn't look sure, "If…you say so…"

Ike grinned and stood up, approaching his dangerous wall of books. Thankfully he found what he was looking for and it wasn't too high up or far too low and he pulled it out without creating an absolute mess. He hugged the book as he returned to the couch and plopped down next to Sally and opened it up to the first page, showing two pictures. "So that's Kyle and I. He was, like, eight and I was three in this."

"You're both so darling!" She declared, leaning over the picture.

Ike snorted and revealed a picture of Kyle playing a game of 'Kick the Baby'. Kyle was laughing as he did it and Ike was looking awfully worried and also in slight pain, "And this is 'Kick the Baby'," Ike stated shortly, scowling at the amused look on Sally's face, "And whenever I broke something due to the fact that I was flying through the air with a sore ass and no control, I got in trouble."

Her amused look didn't go away. "Little boys do rough house, Ike."

Ike muttered under his breath as he turned the pages for the real reason he pulled out the book and landed on a picture. "Okay, this is my mom, Sheila, my dad, Gerald, Kyle and his friends Stan, Kenny and Cartman. But Cartman wasn't really his friend…I think. He was just kinda there all the time." Ike explained, pointing to each person in the photo.

Sally looked at the picture with a small smile on her face, "Your brother and his friends are quite handsome in this." She commented.

Ike rolled his eyes but had to agree. Stan and Kenny were very attractive and he did have a crush on them at some point in his young life. They were just always kind to him. The crushes never lasted long though and his relationship with them quickly became that of having more than one older brother. They were at the Broflovski household enough to live there anyway, "I suppose so." He allowed.

"And who is that?" Sally asked curiously, pointing to a picture of an eleven year old Ike with a boy that looked only slightly older than him. The boy wore completely black and held an expression of indifference.

"Oh, he was one of the Goth kids at school. He was actually pretty cool and we'd debate about stuff but he moved about a month after the picture." Ike sighed sadly, "I never held friends long if I got a hold of them." He muttered.

"Is that why most of these pictures are of you with your brother and his friends?" Ike nodded and Sally gave him a reassuring smile and a soft laugh. "That's funny."

Ike furrowed his brow, "What?"

"You went to school with children a couple years older than you, and hung out with even older kids, and now you're with a much older man," Sally explained, laughing softly again.

Ike managed a laugh as well, "Yeah, I guess you're right."

Sally giggled, "Speaking of which, shouldn't you be with your man? It's work hours."

Ike shook his head, "We pretended to fight and I stormed out." Ike replied, glancing at the clock, "I'm guessing I have about an hour until my computer would be theoretically done with its imaginary check up."

Sally grinned, "Then I suppose I should powder my nose before I wipe the floor with you at table tennis." She replied, while getting up.

"Oh, you are on!" She rolled her eyes and walked around the table, disappearing in the hall, the soft click of the bathroom coming soon after. There was a sharp ring and vibration in Ike's pocket, causing him to jump in shock, and he pulled the phone out and flipped it open, a grin spreading as he read the message from Phillip.

_Nice decoy. Have any plans tonight?_

Quickly, he hit the reply button and eagerly typed.

_Nope, I'm completely free._

After about a minute, the phone buzzed while Sally returned to the room, resuming her spot in front of the table. Ike quickly read the message and his grin managed to grow even wider.

_Not anymore, you're not. I'll stop by at six._

Sally gave him a curious look as he shoved the phone back into his pocket and eagerly hopped up to his feet and moved to his side of the table. "What was that about?" She asked in mild amusement.

"Oh, nothing," He replied. "Now serve."

* * *

_Sorry it took me longer than usual to post this chapter. I had the attention span of a day old fly today._


	11. Moving Day

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park_

_I didn't update like according to plan because my little brother was ill (twasn't the most annoying flu in the world, promise), and he's a little attention whore. So my goal suffered. And now I'M not feeling up to par._

* * *

Ike Broflovski rolled his eyes as his boyfriend flashed him an apologetic smile while a hoard of children, teenagers and young woman surrounded him and his costar. Ike offered Phillip a shrug, meters away from the chaos, and turned to finish carrying the increasingly heavy box into his new apartment. Terrance and Phillip would come as soon as they were able to, at least Phillip would. After a little over a month of dating they had decided they had no need to worry about things not working out and would just ride it out like a normal relationship.

Except for keeping it a secret and acting professional when they had to, of course.

The apartment was spacious with two bedrooms, one he was going to use as an office and library, two bathrooms, one in the master bedroom and one that was a tub/shower mix and also contained the washer and dryer, the kitchen was more open than his last apartment and his bedroom closet was a walk in, and he now had a spacious living room with more than enough space for his ping pong table. The carpet was plush; something that Ike couldn't wait to walk around barefoot in and the tiles in the bathroom and kitchen weren't ugly or crappy looking. All in all, this was pretty much his dream apartment.

Sally beamed at him when he entered the kitchen with the box of dishes in his arm. She had already finished unloading the box of pots and pans from what he could see and eagerly attacked dishes as soon as he freed it from his arms.

"Thanks for your help, Sally," He stated before treating himself to the water bottle designated as his.

She smiled brightly, "No problem, this is fun. And I'm so glad your in a more open space."

The younger man laughed, "Sick of tripping over books?"

"_Yes_," She replied with her own laugh, "Anyway, where are Phillip and my father?"

"Fans," Ike replied with a roll of his eyes. She nodded knowingly and he set his water bottle down, heading back out of the apartment to retrieve another box. He paused right outside the door though and narrowed his eyes at the young woman, in a painfully skanky outfit, clinging to Phillip's arm and giggling.

Ike Broflovski knew that he was certainly not the jealous type. He knew that he had absolutely nothing to worry about, she was after all a woman and Phillip was gay. But that didn't stop the urge to stomp over and pull her off of his boyfriend by the hair. Phillip definitely didn't need a pair of fake breasts pressing into him and trying to force him to merge into one mutant being. And Ike _definitely_ didn't want that to happen.

Terrance was, unfortunately, MIA.

Phillip flashed Ike a pleading look and the younger man sighed and approached the group. He pushed his way through, happily pried the woman off his boyfriend, while giving her a fierce look, and straightened up, giving each person a superior look, "Sorry people, but Phillip is a bit busy at the moment. He can perhaps fit some more fan time in if he finishes his work. Until then, please leave him be or not autographs for photos for you." The group groaned in unison and Ike looked up at the blonde man, "Where's Terrance?"

"Some women wearing practically nothing stuck to him like leeches and dragged him off for some 'fun'," Phillip replied with a roll of his eyes and a quick glance to the woman before, "Could've sworn he had better taste than that."

The woman straightened up, fists at her sides and haughtily stormed off. Ike couldn't help but smirk in Phillip's direction before shooing off the rest of the needy fans, with more success than usual. Deciding that Terrance would eventually come back on his own, Ike and his boyfriend descended the building stairs to get to the moving truck parked outside.

"Thanks for the save," Phillip stated with a laugh, "Her hand was drifting a little too low for my liking." Ike scowled at that and the older man ruffled his hair affectionately, "Don't worry about," He chuckled, "She was just some woman."

Ike grinned when Phillip conspiratorially looked around before quickly pressing his lips against the younger man's temple. "Rule breaker."

"It's what attracts you to me," The blonde joked, "That and the fart comedy."

Ike issued a snort, "Oh yeah," He replied while shoving a box of clothes into Phillip's arms, "the fart jokes are a real turn on."

The blonde laughed good naturedly as Ike got himself a box and they started back to the apartment, "If that's true, you're a good actor, Ike," He commented.

"I try," The younger man replied with a large grin.

They made their way back up the stairs, trading amusing little jokes and simply enjoying their conversation. Sally was breaking down boxes when they entered the apartment, a mischievous glint in her eye when she glanced up at them, and Ike read the label on his box quickly before following Phillip into his bedroom to put the bed sheets in the box onto his waiting mattress.

He was glad that he had hired some movers to move the larger furniture. He knew that Terrance and Phillip were highly incapable of doing the job together; he'd seen it when they were running behind schedule one day and the actors decided to help the crew move some of the set around in hopes to catch up on time. The bickering was loud but the crash was louder.

Nobody bothered to ask why they were trying to take the large wooden desk downstairs when the props room was on the same level.

Ike opened his box and unfolded the bed laundry, stretching the mattress sheet so it would fit on his bed. He thought that Phillip would simply set the box of clothes down and go to retrieve another box or bother Sally, but he found out he was wrong when he heard the older man quietly laughing. Almost giggling even.

Ike turned, mid-stretching across the mattress to tuck a corner under, to see what was so funny. He gasped when Phillip was leaning against the wall, looking highly amused and holding up a pair of light blue women's panties with the Terrance and Phillip logo on front and the actors on the butt-cheeks surrounded by little stars. Wrapping paper sat on the floor at the blonde's feet and he held up a piece of paper that, judging from the wrapping paper still attached to the tape; had come with the 'gift'.

A sudden realization hit Ike then.

Sally had packed his clothes.

Phillip cleared his throat, preparing his most theatrical voice, "Dear Ike and Phillip," He started, fighting down a laugh, "After months and months of driving us insane, we are happy to see you two together and in a relationship. Here is a gift we think you both would enjoy. Love, Sally and Terrance." Phillip suffered another bout of laughter as Ike's face grew painfully red and hot. "P.S. Though he doesn't know about your relationship, Kyle sends his love and appreciates it if he gets some credit for this gift."

And now the anger only a brother could ignite. Ike decided that he should probably send Kyle a little gift himself. And recruit someone.

Kenny would probably do it just for the pleasure of pranking his friend.

"I didn't even know Sally was capable of such a wicked thing," Phillip commented, his laughter dying down to a chuckle as he held the panties up, stretching the elastic band slightly.

"My dumbass brother influenced her," Ike growled, idly wondering how she had gotten a hold of Kyle in the first place. He glanced up at Phillip and rolled his eyes, "You can put those down now," He stated knowing full well that his cheeks were still painfully red.

Phillip looked at Ike, amusement clearly written all over his face, "Why?" He asked with a playful smirk, "Do you not like your house warming gift?"

"Of course not," Ike snapped before forcing himself to look away and continue with putting the sheet on his bed, "First of all, I don't wear women's underwear, and I doubt you do."

"I don't."

"And second of all, they make me want to do more to my brother than a prank in retaliation. Such as…inflicting pain," Ike finished with butting the sheet on and Phillip strode over, sitting on the bed next to the younger man, while still examining the panties.

"Do you already have an idea for your retaliation prank?" Ike's boyfriend asked in both interest and amusement while setting the amusing panties aside before taking the younger man's hand and interlocking their fingers.

"Of course," Ike replied, a genuine smile growing on his face as he stared at their hands.

"And it entails…?"

"A hell of a lotta gay porn, a woman, and Kenny McCormick."

* * *

At a quarter to midnight, everything was finally completely unpacked. Sally and Terrance, after receiving a scolding from Ike that proved ineffective since Phillip was sniggering the whole time, they both went to toss the boxes into recycling, giving Sally a chance to scold her father for running off to have sex with strange women when there was work to be done. When he had reentered the apartment, she loudly proclaimed that she was thankful she forced him into getting a vasectomy.

He was shocked at first after that proclamation but soon let it slide off with a 'so _that's_ why I woke up with a bottle of pills and aching down there. I thought I had a wild night'.

Phillip and Ike sat on the couch, the younger leaning against the older comfortably while Phillip's arm wrapped around him, watching television and nibbling on whatever was left of the pizza they ordered.

"Can't believe we got it all done in one day," Phillip stated, looking around the nicely organized living room.

Ike laughed, "You know Sally," he replied, "It's gotta be done efficiently and within a scheduled time frame."

Phillip chuckled while gently playing with Ike's messy black hair, "This is true."

The front door clicked open as Sally peeked into the apartment, smiling when she caught sight of them, "We're off, you two. My father doesn't need a ride tonight, Phillip, I'm making sure he doesn't 'get lost'."

Phillip laughed and nodded while Ike offered a wave goodbye. Sally blew kisses at them before closing the door softly behind her. They continued to watch the television for a moment, content with just sitting together when Phillip unleashed a loud and long yawn that went as far as causing his eyes to tear. When he finished wiping at his eyes, he found Ike smirking at him.

"What?" He asked.

"Bit past your bedtime, old man?" Ike asked in a completely teasing tone.

Phillip snorted, "I could say the same for you, brat," He replied.

"Cradle-robber."

"Jailbait."

Ike laughed in amusement. Neither didn't mind that they were years apart, they still seemed to click and get along swimmingly. That's why it was so easy to make jokes about their age difference. The only thing about the age difference that Phillip forbade was the whole 'you're old enough to be my father' thing. Ike's guess was that the older blonde simply didn't want to think about the possibility of meeting Ike when he was a younger boy and watching him grow up. Phillip had, after all, known his brother when he was young and they've had encounters through the years.

Ike was a bit thankful himself that they hadn't met sooner, despite being only twelve when they made their first interaction.

It didn't really mean anything to him though. He wasn't sure about Phillip.

Lips pressed against his own, muffling and then silencing Ike's laughter before the younger man tenderly kissed back. He shifted so he was more facing his boyfriend and wound his arms around Phillip's neck, pulling the man closer in an effort to deepen the kiss. His effort didn't go wasted when Phillip's tongue brushed past Ike's parted lips. A small moan escaped Ike's throat, encouraging the kissing to grow more heated. Hands wound in hair and held tightly onto fistfuls of clothes, keeping a tight grip as they fought the need for oxygen for as long as they possibly could.

Their lips parted but they stayed close, refusing to let go of their grip on each other and Phillip rested his forehead against Ike's, their eyes locking.

"Mind if I crash on your couch tonight?"

"No, I want you to fall asleep at the wheel and die." Ike remarked with a small grin before flinching away from the pinch Phillip had given his side, "It's cool," he replied seriously, "But take the bed, I don't think your old body can handle couches anymore."

Phillip rolled his eyes, loosening his grip on Ike, "Okay, one, I can handle sleeping on a couch that's longer than me and two, you just moved, buddy, you need to sleep in your own bed."

"I'll sleep on it tomorrow night."

"Don't make me use my seniority over you."

Ike couldn't help but laugh, "Okay, okay," He allowed before taking a big sigh, his nerves starting in on making him jittery. "How about a compromise?" He asked.

Phillip looked interested. "Such as?"

Ike decided right there that he couldn't take the seriousness and if he made it a big deal, then Phillip would make it a big deal. And it really wasn't _that_ big of a deal. "We both take the couch."

Phillip stroked his chin, nodding slowly, "I like that idea. No wonder you started school early, you're very bright." He complimented.

Ike grinned, "Why, thank you."

"Yes, but I have a better idea." The blonde declared. "I think it would be much easier for us if we both took the bed."

Ike's grinned widened, showing how clearly thankful he was that Phillip took the reigns and made the suggestion. "You, sir, are ahead of your time."

Phillip ruffled the younger man's hair, "I know Ike, but there's no reason to kiss ass about it."

Ike rolled his eyes, playfully shoving his boyfriend before standing up, "I'm gonna go change and brush my teeth," He declared before eyeing Phillip, he wasn't sure if he had anything for the taller man to wear. "Uhm…I'll see what I can do about pajamas-"

"I can always wear the panties."

"Shut up," Ike snapped as he began blushing, "They were meant for me to wear anyway. I'll leave a new toothbrush out for you too."

Phillip gave a soft chuckle as Ike brushed past him and made his way to the bedroom. After a moment of searching, he was pleased to find a pair of jogging pants and shirt that were too large for him. He didn't see why he didn't get larger pajamas when they were clearly more comfortable when they were a size or so bigger. He tugged on his own pajamas, purple pajama pants (which Kyle used to angst about how ridiculously gay Ike was) and an orange shirt, before bundling up the clothes meant for Phillip and carrying them to the bathroom. There, he quickly washed his face and brushed his teeth before laying out a packaged toothbrush for the older man.

He stepped out of the bathroom, ignoring the amused expression on Phillip's face (most likely due to the pajamas), and pointed towards his room, "I'm already gonna be in bed. Your clothes and toothbrush are in the bathroom."

Phillip turned off the television and turned off the light, approaching Ike with a grin, "You wouldn't happen to have anything for my dentures, would you?" He asked.

"Careful, you joke about it and it'll happen," The younger man retorted, happily taking in the brief look of panic on Phillip's face before making his way to his bedroom and curling up on one side of his bed, his back to the door so that when Phillip came in, he wouldn't have to worry about nerves as much.

Honestly, his nerves just wouldn't realize this was no big deal.

Several moments later, Ike heard light footsteps on the carpet before feeling the blanket lift up momentarily and the mattress sinking under Phillip's weight. The blonde muttered a 'goodnight' quietly before lightly kissing the side of Ike's head. He then let an arm drape over the younger's body and buried his face in Ike's shoulder.

Ike concluded, right before he fell asleep, that sleeping in the same bed as Phillip was so much better than sleeping with a doll.


	12. The First Bump in the Road

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park._

_I totally fell out of my posting everyday thing. It doesn't help that I'm suddenly feeling artsy fartsy in other ways._

_I would also like to thank the eleven people who voted on my poll. I shall keep my name. _

* * *

Another month and a half later, Ike Broflovski heaved a sigh as he opened the front door of his apartment while working to stuff his shirt into his dress pants and wondering where he had placed his socks. Sally had managed to convince him to go to another charity ball or gala or something as her date. Thankfully for him, though, Terrance and Phillip, being some of Canada's biggest celebrities, were going too.

Phillip made his way past Ike, flashing an amused smile when he looked the younger man over, and Ike closed the door. As soon as the click of the door resounded, the blonde pressed his lips against Ike's, grin still in place.

He was completely dressed and ready, his blue tie hanging loose from around his neck rather than tied nicely. Ike raised an eyebrow and looked at his boyfriend curiously, "Aren't you going to tie that?" He asked.

"Actually," Phillip started, averting his gaze, "I can tie bow ties quite well but when it comes to these…"

Ike fought off a smile as he stepped forward and removed the tie from around Phillip's neck, wrapping it around his own before starting to tie it. He noted the blonde watching, studying and Ike idly wondered if he should be reciting the instructions his father had told him but decided against it. Phillip's pride might not like that. Once he was done, he pulled the tie over his head and replaced it around Phillip's neck before tightening it and grinning up at his boyfriend.

Phillip straightened out the tie slightly, fixing it under his jacket, before returning Ike's grin. "Thank you," He stated, sounding rather amused.

Ike thought it was rather cute that Phillip always seemed to have that look of amusement around him. He knew Phillip meant no harm with his amusement, but Ike wasn't really sure why it was there. Maybe the blonde simply hadn't gotten over the whole situation of their relationship, because it _was_ fairly amusing.

"No problem," Ike shrugged with a smile on his face before moving back towards his room to get his socks, tie and jacket. He knew full well that Phillip would follow, "I hope you don't mind me being someone else's date."

Phillip snorted as he leaned against the doorframe and watched Ike put his tie on, "If it were anyone but Sally, I'd have a problem with it," He replied, "But I doubt anything will happen. Plus, I can just make it so she has to dance with Terrance."

Ike couldn't help but snort as he pulled on his socks, "That's vicious," He stated.

"I'm just doing what a good uncle should," Phillip replied coyly, "And if that means force a father and daughter to be openly affectionate, so be it."

"That and you think it's funny to watch them act so awkwardly."

Phillip grinned, "That too."

Ike rolled his eyes as he walked into his bathroom. At that same moment, the phone started ringing and he peeked out at the blonde, "Can you get that? It's probably Sally." He asked before retreated to make sure he wasn't a complete mess in the mirror.

He grinned when he heard the long, pained and overdramatic sigh, the creak of the mattress under Phillip's weight and the beep of the talk button when the blonde answered in a monotonous tone, "Ike Broflovski residence, Phillip speaking." Ike tried to flatten his ever present cowlick as he heard the sounds of Phillip shifting, or sitting upright on the mattress, "Well, _hello_ Mrs. Broflovski, it's been quite a while."

Oh.

Shit.

Ike bolted out of the bathroom to find that Phillip was already leaning against the bedroom door frame, phone against his ear and large smirk on his face. "Oh yes, Ike is doing great. He's really adjusted to Canada and he's quite possibly the best assistant I have ever had. And he's even got a boyfriend, you know." Ike gasped and leapt onto the bed before lunging at his boyfriend. Phillip smoothly stepped out of the younger man's line of fire before making his way back into the bedroom and by the bathroom, "Oh yeah, I've met him, made sure he's not like Ike's last boyfriend." Ike glared intensely at Phillip's pleased expression, "Well, he's into the theater, I'm not sure if he wants to be an actor or not. But he's good looking and I could tell he tries his best with Ike. No offense, but your son can have quite a temper."

"Fucking asshole," Ike hissed loud enough for Phillip to hear, but hopefully quiet enough for his mother on the phone not to, "Give me the phone."

Phillip looked absolutely delighted. "Why yes, Mrs. Bro- _Sheila_, I do enjoy those." Ike watched intently as Phillip's bright and amused expression quickly faded. "Yes, perhaps. Well, here's Ike. Oh? Alright, I'll tell him."

Ike watched as his boyfriend hung up and carelessly tossed the phone onto the bed, "Your Mother sends her love," He muttered with a somewhat bitter tone.

Ike frowned, nipping his lip, and cautiously stepped closer, "What's wrong?" He asked, "Did she say something, because she does that a lot. Talking out of her ass, I mean."

Phillip looked at him with an annoyed expression, "She said I would get along 'fabulously' with your father." He stated.

Ike furrowed his brow, "So? It's generally a good thing to get along with your boyfriend's parents."

Phillip gave him a pointed look, "'Of course you would enjoy those. After all, we all grew up in the same era. Kid's just don't get what we got when we were their age.'" He stated, imitating Sheila Broflovski's accent. Ike raised an eyebrow, realizing what Phillip was upset about, "Dammit, I told her you have a boyfriend, what the hell is she going to say when she finds out he's me?!"

Ike rolled his eyes, crossing the room and wrapping his arms around the older man's waist, "She'll deal." He replied before mentally adding 'or form some sort of campaign against you'.

The blonde sighed, rubbing the younger man's back, "What are a lot of people, my fans, going to say? I mean; such a large age difference…"

Ike snorted, "Phillip, you're famous. Celebrities are allowed to get away with it. Look at Hugh Hefner and his Bunnies. Or Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore."

"Vaginas are involved in those couples."

Ike bit his lip and looked up at the blonde, nervously pulling away, "If you're having any doubts…about us, I mean…"

Phillip's eyes widened slightly when he registered what Ike was saying, "No, Ike, hell no. Do you really think I'm the type to spend so much time on something, just to let it go when I finally have it?" He asked.

Ike offered a weak smile, locking his eyes with Phillip's, "You sure? Because I don't want you to feel trapped or for-"

The feel of Phillip's lips against his silenced him and the blonde pulled away with a coy smile on his face, "Don't worry about it, Ike," He started with a wink, "I think you're worth it."

Ike, flustered and well aware of his warm pink face, mumbled incoherently, yelping when there was a slow clap from the bedroom door. He noted that Phillip also looked fairly embarrassed and the Jewish man turned around cautiously to see Terrance clapping his hands together, an expression on his face that was intent but amused while Sally stood next to him in a brown dress, positively beaming.

"That was the sweetest thing I've ever seen," Terrance taunted, in good nature of course, "You should be in teen dramas, Phillip."

"Oh, shut up you pig fucker," Phillip snapped in embarrassment.

"Don't call me a pig fucker, you donkey raping ass fa-OW." Terrance looked at his daughter, who had punched him rather roughly in the arm, in complete shock, "Sally, my sweet little Sally, why would you do that?"

Sally put her hands on her hips, which she then cocked to the side in a no-nonsense stance, "Do you really think I'd let you get away with mocking them and then using such vulgarity, Daddy?" Ike blinked in mild surprise, never actually hearing Sally refer to Terrance as anything other than 'my Father' before, "Honestly, have you learned nothing over the years?"

"She's right, you know," Phillip added tauntingly, "Dirty words can get you killed."

Ike winced slightly, feeling a bit guilty for his mother's actions. Sally seemed to catch on because she shot Phillip a dirty look, "_You_ started the insults this time, Phillip." She scolded, "You could've easily made a more civil retort."

Phillip's eyes fell downcast and he looked like a child who was just caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Ike idly mused that if Sally ever had children, he'd have to save them from her wrath every now and then. Actually, judging from who their Grandfather would be, he'd have to be the middleman or voice of reason. Or just a really awesome Uncle figure.

Both men, nearly their fifties, with their heads down and pouting like children, muttered apologies to Sally, the woman who was only in her twenties and Ike couldn't help but laugh. He laughed until tears pricked at his eyes and Phillip shoved him out of the room, out of the apartment, and into the waiting car.

* * *

The event was going very well. Ike still had no idea what it was for, but a lot of people, more than the last event, were there. He watched as the hysterical laughter caused by Terrance, Phillip and a small audience calmed down and the actor's shook hands with a few people, all smiles, before Phillip made his way back to the table Ike sat at, guarding the blonde's food as well as eating his own.

"I still don't see why you do that?"

"Shake hands?" Phillip asked, sitting down before eyeing his food and then Ike, "You took a bite of mousse and a spoonful of peas. I told you to get your own…and that combination is disgusting."

"Don't knock it until you try it," Ike retorted, "And I mean the fart jokes."

"Didn't we already have this conversation a few years ago?" Phillip asked before getting a spoonful of mousse and sprinkling peas on top of it.

"You avoided the question and kicked me out of your dressing room." Ike replied.

Phillip grunted as he shoved the concoction into his mouth, tasting it for a moment before his face contorted into an expression of disgust. Ike couldn't help but snicker as Phillip quickly forced a swallow and drank some of his water to clean out the taste. "Fuck, that's nasty."

"Oh yes, you should know all about nasty things, Phillip."

Phillip and Ike turned to look at the speaker, obviously a woman, behind them. Her light brown hair was flipped out and she wore an attractive orange dress with gray-blue trimmings, complete with black heels. She was also glaring vehemently at Phillip with her arms crossed over her chest, a black clutch purse in her hand. Phillip was glaring right back and Ike immediately recognized her as Katherine, one of the Queef sisters and Phillip's ex-wife.

"What are you doing here?" Phillip demanded irritably.

"I was invited," She shot back, "I'm surprised they took the risk of allowing you to come in here." She glanced at Ike, quickly looking up and down, "Who's this?"

"My personal assistant."

She raised an eyebrow and looked at Ike, curiously regarding the younger man, "Have you made him angry yet?" She asked.

Ike frowned, "Excuse me?"

"Phillip has a bit of a temper," Katherine informed shortly, glancing at the blonde next to Ike, "If you do something you don't like, you'll know." She opened her clutch purse and pulled out a business card, holding it out for Ike, "Call me if you get tired of it and want a softer, more caring employer."

Phillip's hand snapped out and his fingers wrapped around Katherine's dainty wrist, causing her to cry out in shock. "What the hell do you think you're doing, trying to steal my assistant literally right from under my nose?" Phillip snapped.

"Let go of me, this instant!" Katherine near shouted.

When Phillip didn't let go, Ike felt a wave of fear and he grabbed the older man's arm, "Phillip," He stated, trying to mimic the scolding tone Sally had used earlier, "You're making a scene. Let. Go."

Phillip shifted his glare to Ike and the younger man felt an unnerving chill go down his spine. Phillip let go of Katherine's writes, but in doing he shot to his feet and stormed away from the table. People parted for him and whispers of gossip quickly filled the room.

Ike felt a hand on his and he looked up at Katherine. She held his hand, palm up, and put her card in it before curling his fingers around the thick paper. "If he does anything, call me." She stated in a low whisper, her eyes looking into his intently.

Ike nodded in confusion and she backed away, walking the opposite way as Phillip and earning just as much attention. Ike searched the crowd until he found Terrance and Sally. Terrance gave his daughter a squeeze on the shoulder before making his way towards the direction Phillip had left. Sally watched him before turning her direction onto Ike, their eyes locking. She looked upset and her expression showed that she was suffering an internal battle. To Ike, that only meant one thing.

Sally knew something important.

* * *

_Rawr, another shorter than usual chapter. Oh well, it felt like a good place to end. Yes it did. Mmhmm. I'm babbling incoherently now and I need to stop. _

_I've been considering buying Terrance and Phillip plushies if they exist. If not, make them. Oh yeaaaah._


	13. The Bump Wasn't Really That Big

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park._

_Oooh, I made a major boo-boo! I accidently uploaded the last chapter of 'Undead' instead of this story because they're even chapter-wise. My bad. If anyone read the older version and got confused, I am SO sorry! **THIS** is the actual chapter._

_I would like to say thanks for the reviews. I really appreciate them, especially when the pairing is so…out of the blue. Sort of. It works in my head. Anyway, the point is thank you oh so very much, your reviews make me happy._

* * *

"Sally!"

"I'm sorry Ike, but I can't!"

Ike finally caught up with the slightly older woman in an empty hallway of the hotel the event was being held in, grabbing her upper arm and spinning her around to face him. She avoided eye contact and was visibly upset, but she held a stubborn expression that stated she refused to give in to her emotions or Ike. Ike loosened his grip on her arm, moving his hand to her shoulder, while placing his other hand on her other shoulder, and sighed.

"Sally," He started warily, "Why the hell did Katherine Queef give me her business card and tell me to call her if Phillip does something?" Sally remained silent, watching the wall to her left and Ike gave her a slight shake, "What did she mean?" He pressed, "What would Phillip do?"

She finally looked at Ike helplessly, "It's not my place to say," She said, "But ever since the divorce, he's been bettering himself, Ike. Just please….trust me."

"She freaked out when he grabbed her wrist." Ike stated, studying Sally's reactions intently. "And she said that he had a temper…" Sally flinched, but managed to cover it up; she didn't cover it well enough though because Ike gave her a shocked look, "You're fucking with me."

Sally shook her head, not commenting on his language for once, "No." Ike's hands dropped to his sides and Sally looked at him cautiously. "Ike?"

"What the hell, Sally!"

"Ike, listen to me," It was Sally's turn to grab a hold of the other, her hands on his shoulders before tenderly moving to his face so that Ike would look at her. "If I thought that you and Phillip couldn't have a healthy relationship, I would've said something," She stated softly, "I would never; never let you go into a situation where you'd be hurt. You're like a little brother to me."

Ike sighed warily, "Then what am I supposed to do, Sally?" He asked weakly.

"Talk to him," Sally replied, her hands moving to try and make Ike's hair a bit more presentable, "Don't make a scene, don't be accusing, just talk and listen. A fight will get you nowhere."

"You sound like you're giving me tips to avoid his temper." Ike pointed out bitterly.

"Oh, don't act like you don't have a temper." She kissed his forehead when he rolled his eyes and linked their arms together before leading them back into the ballroom, "Now, I believe you still owe me a dance and you owe yourself some of those deserts." She gave him a small smile, "Clearing your mind for at least a little bit might help."

Ike forced himself to return a smile, "You're a much better older sibling in these kinds of situations than Kyle," He commented, earning a soft laugh.

"Yes, well I don't have that patented Broflovski temper," Sally replied as Ike opened the door to the ballroom for her.

He laughed softly and followed her into the ballroom. There were hushed whispers and stolen glances from practically everyone throughout the rest of the night. Ike and Sally acted as though nothing was wrong and ate, danced, and mingled with others as such. There was no sign of Phillip for the rest of the night, though Terrance returned.

Ike really didn't mind.

* * *

Saturday and most of Sunday passed without any sign of Phillip. Ike was thankful because he took the time to try and figure out exactly what he was dealing with. He quickly found articles about Phillip beating a young fan a long time ago and it didn't take long to put things together. Not that he was oblivious before, he figured it out during his talk with Sally at the ball; he just wanted to be sure.

Well, he was fucking sure now.

He spent the rest of that Saturday pacing and most of Sunday morning went the same. He didn't touch his Phillip doll that night; he just contemplated, thought, and planned.

At five in the afternoon on Sunday, there was a knock at the door. Ike peeked through the peephole, taking note that it was the very person who had been the center of his thoughts for the past few days. Ike scowled, unlocked the door and swung it open, giving Phillip room to enter. The blonde silently did so and quietly sat down on the couch. No greeting. No eye contact. He knew he was guilty.

Ike stood before him, biting his lip. Phillip looked up at him, looking ready to be dumped or yelled back. Ike crossed his arms over his chest, biting down the rant that was trying to escape him. They may not be related by blood, but that didn't stop him from inheriting things from his mother.

"I know about your violent streak." He started. Phillip didn't say anything, just dropped his eyes to the floor. Ike's foul mood was fading quickly now that the blonde was here and he wanted nothing more than to go back to normal, but he had to keep the annoyed tone. "I'm not going to condemn you for something you haven't done to me. But if you even fucking raise a fist towards me, we're over."

He could hear the breath of relief flow out of Phillip before the blonde smiled weakly up at him. "Fair enough," He replied, "And just so you know, I'm never going to hurt you, Ike."

Taking this as a sign that the situation had been resolved, Ike maneuvered to the couch, plopping down next to his boyfriend and leaning against him, "Let's just drop it, okay?" Phillip nodded and wrapped an arm around the younger man's shoulders, pulling them both to lean against the back cushions and Ike looked up at him curiously, "What took you so long anyway?" He asked.

"I know better than to walk into the lion's den without giving it a chance to eat," Phillip replied in a relaxed tone, "That and I honestly thought you were going to cut it off so I wanted to delay it."

Ike snorted, "I'dve called you."

"I have caller ID."

"I'm your P.A., you can't avoid me forever."

"I can try."

Ike laughed, shaking his head and Phillip chuckled next to him. Both felt more at ease, that was obvious, and Ike idly wondered if this was like a test for their relationship. He'd been tested before, only that one was whether or not he'd commit suicide with his older lover, and he failed. Well, he didn't fail exactly; he just realized that he loved his family and life more than his Kindergarten teacher.

This test though, they passed it.

"Hey," Ike started, nudging his boyfriend in the side with his elbow, "Wanna go out for an early dinner? And maybe see a movie? My treat."

Phillip quirked an eyebrow, "Like a date?"

"Yeah," Ike replied in a light tone, "I mean, if anyone asks we went to dinner and talked business and then hit a movie because we didn't want to go to our respective homes yet and there aren't any rules against a person and their boss being friends."

"Yeah, sure," Phillip replied with a grin before brushing his lips against Ike's.

Ike couldn't help but grin and Phillip stood up, pulling the younger man up with him. Ike grabbed his wallet, pulled on his shoes and they both set out to the streets of the city, walking until they could choose a restaurant they both agreed on. Secretly Ike wanted to grab onto Phillip's hand and keep that way. But the random flash of some man of the paparazzi's camera reminded him that they certainly couldn't do that.

Ike fucking hated the paparazzi, Phillip told him he did too but it was just part of the business.

"If you ever get, you know, sick of this," Phillip started, nodding towards the cameraman across the street, "You can always pull out."

"I've known what I was getting into since before day one," Ike replied, rolling his eyes. He recalled the crowd of fans and cameramen at the door after the Terrance and Phillip show in Denver when he was sixteen. It was insane, loud and obnoxious but Ike was willing to deal with it for the blonde who was walking next to him and had begun talking animatedly about an article he read in the paper.

Eventually they decided to just hit a fast food joint and eat a quick meal while walking to the theater. Halfway there though, Phillip grabbed Ike by the upper arm and tugged him into a small bookstore.

"Aren't we going to the movies?" Ike asked in confusion.

"Pick one."

"…Excuse me?"

Phillip rolled his eyes and pulled the younger man further into the small store. "Pick a book, any book."

Ike eyed his boyfriend curiously, "Why?" He asked.

"Because I feel bad," Phillip sighed, "Not only do I feel bad for most likely embarrassing you because of my drama, but I should've told you in the beginning what was going on, whether you'd decide against the relationship or not. And-"

"This looks like a good one," Ike interrupted while holding up a thick hardcover book discussing the literary works of the Elizabethan Era, earning a grin from the blonde.

"Then we'll get it, but no reading in the theater."

Ike laughed and they went to the register, purchasing the book before exiting the small store. The single man with a camera turned into about ten and Phillip uttered a tired sigh as the walked down the sidewalk, the crowd on the other side of the street following excitedly. Phillip motioned for Ike to speed up and it soon turned into a race for the cross walk. They managed to make it to the theater before the paparazzi could cross the street, though the small crowd shouted, and Ike paid for the tickets and they slipped into safety.

They got tickets for some action movie because they didn't really feel like thinking, though they both knew they could be like other couples and openly make out in the theater or show any affection for each other. They clambered into their seats in the half full theater and the lights dimmed, starting the previews.

Much to Ike's surprise, Phillip leaned close to Ike, his hot breath against his ear, "I'll come out and we can go on real dates someday, promise."

Ike couldn't help but shiver and nod, "Take your time. You have to be comfortable," He murmured back, hugging the book against his chest.

Phillip nodded, pulling away but keeping his elbow connected with Ike's as the movie started.

* * *

"God, that movie sucked."

"Tell me about it," Ike replied before flipping to the next page in his book.

Phillip was sprawled out on the younger man's couch, using Ike's lap as a pillow because apparently the actual pillow wasn't good enough for him and watching TV as Ike read, book balanced on the arm rest and being held by his left arm while his free hand was trapped, fingers interlaced with Phillip's.

"Well first there were the completely two dimensional characters," Phillip started, "And I could probably to the special effects better with a couple packs of construction paper than whatever computer program they used."

"I didn't actually mean for you to tell me about it, you know," Ike stated, glancing from his book to his boyfriend.

"Yes, well I'm on a roll now," Phillip replied, "The dialogue was obviously forced and the jokes, just sad."

Ike rolled his eyes and shoved Phillip, "If you're going to rant, I'm gonna get a drink. Get up, will you?"

Phillip did as he was told and sat up. Before Ike could stand though, the blonde's lips where on his in a tender kiss. Ike responded immediately, noting in the back of his mind that he was surprised he'd missed Phillip's touch so much in only a couple of days and wondering if it was healthy to develop that feeling so fast. All thought processes immediately ceased when the passion of the kiss heightened and Phillip's tongue made its way into Ike's mouth. The clatter of the book falling to the floor and losing Ike's spot didn't register to the couple as their make out session intensified by their maneuvering, Ike lying on his back against the couch with Phillip on top of him, the older man's knee between the younger's legs.

Ike shuddered and broke the kiss when Phillip's hand trailed up Ike's side, under his shirt. "I-I really am thirsty," He said, his voice husky and blood rushing to both his face and aching groin.

Phillip studied his face for a moment and nodded, getting up and watching the younger man retreat to the kitchen. Ike quickly got a cold drink and tried to force himself to calm down. He liked Phillip, but he wasn't ready for _that_. Despite the feel of Phillip's lips and hand still lingering.

Shit.

Ike clutched his drink and began to pace in a small circle, nipping his lip and repeating a mantra in his head, hoping to eliminate his excitement.

_Mom in a bikini. Dad in a speedo. Mom in a bikini. Dad in a speedo. Mom in a bikini. Dad in a speedo..._

* * *

_Goodness, it's been forever since I updated! And this isn't even that good of a chapter. I'm sorry! I'll do better!_


	14. Terrance Can't Let Go

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park_

* * *

A month later, Ike glanced at Terrance while trying desperately to hide his amusement. They were at Sally's apartment, all dressed to go out and waiting for Sally to finish getting ready, and the older man sat in his daughter's only and recently purchased recliner, arms crossed and a stern but childish look set on his features as he glared. Phillip sat next to Ike on the couch, more relaxed and apparently used to this situation, despite how rare it was.

Terrance was glaring at the man on the other side of Ike.

He was young and tall, about six foot two, with dark eyes and short brown hair. He was wearing a nice pair of slacks and a casual dress shirt as well as a nice pair of shoes. He was eyeing Terrance nervously, hands on his knees. Ike noted that his fingernails were digging into the fabric of his pants and he was obviously intimidated.

Which he should've been since he was Sally's new boyfriend.

"So," Ike started lightly in hopes to get the poor man to relax before he did some damage to his knees, "I'm assuming you know Terrance and Phillip, Mr….."

"Alan," The man said quickly and nervously, his voice shaking, "My name is Alan. I-I didn't know Sally was related to-"

"Related?!" Terrance scoffed, "Sally is my sweet, precious, innocent little girl and I refuse to have some little shit named _Alan_ take advantage of her!"

"You _do_ realize she's not a virgin, right?" Phillip asked casually.

Terrance narrowed his eyes on his long time friend, "What are you talking aboot?" He demanded sharply.

"Yeah," Phillip started, "since you were so intent on keeping her pure and her Mother was busy working on an album, she asked me about sex when she was a teenager," Phillip shrugged, "And God forbid I leave my honorary niece to hear about the birds and the bees from Ugly Bob."

"That doesn't mean she had sex," Terrance ground out through gritted teeth, "She's a good girl."

"Oh no, she's told me about her sexual conquests," Ike piped in, earning a look of approval from Phillip.

"You're only saying that because of Phillip," Terrance snapped, "Little ass kisser."

Ike knew full well that Terrance intended the double meaning. Phillip's chuckling signified that he too, caught the double meaning and Alan's meek little noise signified that he was lost and still fairly frightened of Terrance.

Ike turned to the man, offering a reassuring smile, "I'm Ike by the way. Sally's friend and Phillip's personal assistant."

Ike wasn't really sure if he appreciated the change of expression on Alan's face changed to mild relief and excitement, probably because Ike was the link between Sally and Terrance that could be to his benefit because his mouth opened to say something.

Phillip beat him to it. "No, Ike."

Ike frowned, "But-"

"No."

"He doesn't even have a chance."

"Though that does make it less fun….No."

Ike offered Alan an apologetic smile, "Sorry," He started, "I'm not allowed to help you."

Alan's face fell and Ike felt a little bad because, honestly, the poor man didn't have a chance against Terrance. If he was lucky, Sally would step up and butt heads with her father about it.

When Sally finally came out, wearing an above the knee dress with spaghetti straps, Ike had a feeling Alan wouldn't be the subject of butting heads.

"Ready," She said in a happy sing song voice.

"No you're not," Terrance stated in a snippy tone, "You're not finished getting dressed."

"Oooh boy," Phillip muttered under his breath.

Ike had never seen a battle over a boyfriend, but from what Phillip had told him, they were brutal. Sally would date a guy for a month or so, then decide it might be safe to introduce him to Terrance and it always ended up in a fight. And the boyfriend never lasted long after that. Ike had, however seen plenty of battles over Sally's clothes. Terrance wanted her to dress like a pilgrim woman, she wanted to embrace the body she worked out every day for.

Both were passionate.

"Yes I am," Sally replied while putting her right foot forward to show the matching strappy heel, "See? Shoes."

"And where's the rest of you dress, Sally?" Terrance demanded.

It was at that point that Sally decided to quit playing dumb and cheerful. She narrowed her eyes onto her father, her hands curling into fists. "This is the rest of my dress." She stated in the same tone.

"Well then you better go change."

"We'll miss our reservation."

"I'll call and make a new one."

"But I have plans after dinner."

"With Alan."

"Yes."

"Go change."

"I refuse," Sally said defiantly, "And I don't see what the problem is. I'm a grown wom-" Before she could get the word out, Terrance was covering his ears and yelling 'lalala'. Sally looked ready to kill and set her sights on Phillip, "Can you _please_ tell him to stop acting like a child?!"

"You and I both know that won't work," Phillip replied, watching his friend make an ass of himself.

Sally turned her gaze to Ike who shrugged, "I'm not allowed to help Alan," He stated, "I don't think I'm allowed to help you with this either. Sorry."

Sally's expression turned murderous and she stalked to the couch, grabbing her boyfriend's wrist and yanking him up. "_We're_ going to dinner." She snapped. "You can kindly go home."

"Oh no," Terrance shot to his feet, "You're not going out like _that_ and with _him_!"

"Watch me," Sally hissed before stomping out of her apartment and slamming the door behind Alan.

Ike watched as Terrance stood, staring at the door in complete and absolute shock before whirling around to look at the pair on the couch. "Did she just do what I think she did?!"

"Yep," Phillip replied nonchalantly.

"Sally," Terrance started, turning to the door again, "My sweet little Sally..."

Phillip glanced at Ike, who bit his lip and shrugged, before giving a sigh and heaving himself off the couch. "Terrance," He started while clapping a hand on the other's shoulder, "Let Ike and I buy you a drink."

"And let her get away?!"

"Yes," Phillip stated boldly, "She's not a little girl now and Sally is completely capable of taking care of herself. Hell, she takes care of you plenty."

Terrance seemed to deflate slightly at that and he looked at his friend, "You're right," He admitted. "She needs time to be young." He paused for a moment, "Fine, I guess I'll take a drink."

"Great!" Phillip cheered while swinging an arm around his friend. He turned to Ike and waved the younger, quieter man over, "C'mon, we're going out drinking."

Ike stood up and accepted his boyfriend's hand as they made their way out of Sally's apartment, making sure to lock it. As Terrance worked the lock, Ike eyed Phillip, "'Let Ike and I buy you a drink'?" He asked with a small smile of amusement on his lips.

Phillip laughed softly, "That's your punishment for offering to help the date."

Ike frowned and crossed his arms over his chest, "Buying a drink is punishment for wanting to help someone who wouldn't have a chance either way?" He asked, "Thank God you don't have kids, they'd be out of control."

"Well too bad, that's your punishment." Phillip grinned and leaned down slightly, brushing his lips against Ike's ear, "Unless you'd prefer to be punished a different way," He stated in a husky voice.

Ike could feel the goose bumps rise on his skin as Phillip chuckled thickly in amusement. It was the flaw of dating an actor, he could go from seductive to happily amused in no time. "I'll think about it," He replied weakly with a wavering voice.

Phillip chuckled again, more warm and playful and straightened up, smiling innocently as Terrance eyed the blonde. "You're not allowed to get drunk." He declared.

"What?" Phillip asked with an overdramatic gasp, "Why?!"

"I'm not hanging out with you when you're trying to stick it up your Personal Assistant's butt," Terrance retorted, earning a grin from Phillip.

"First of all, who says I don't want to take it up the butt," Terrance shuddered, "And he's the one who makes the moves while drunk."

"I do not!" Ike argued.

Phillip looked at him with a no nonsense expression, "You don't remember? After that first banquet?"

_Ike's eyes drifted close as he leaned forward, pressing his lips against the older man's._

Ike felt his cheeks heat up as he averted his eyes, "Oh. Yeah."

"Yeah." Phillip agreed with a smug tone.

Terrance rolled his eyes and made his way down the hall while muttering under his breath about unsympathetic friends, laughing Phillip and embarrassed Ike in tow.

* * *

Ike laughed as he tugged Phillip into his apartment, stumbling backwards in the dim lighting and bumping his back against a wall. Phillip fell against the younger man, crushing his lips against Ike's hungrily. Ike moaned softly, tugging his boyfriend closer by his hips before sliding his hands under Phillip's shirt. Phillip made a sound of approval as Ike's fingers lightly trailed along the blonde's skin.

They parted and Ike clumsily pulled Phillip down the hall. The blonde pressed the younger against the wall by the bedroom door for a pit stop, pressing his lips against Ike's neck.

"You're drunk," He murmured to the younger man.

"You're fucking hot," Ike replied, grinding against Phillip as if to make a statement.

Phillip made another noise of pleasure before pushing himself away from the eager twenty year old, "I shouldn't take advantage of you while you're drunk."

Ike rolled his eyes in annoyance, "I'm not drunk." He stated, "If I were drunk, I wouldn't be making conscious decisions, like this. And I wouldn't be trying to remember if I have condoms and lube or not." He frowned slightly, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms, "Which I don't."

There was a moment of silence between the two. Both were aware that they were still painfully eager for some sort of sexual experience that night.

"I've got a couple condoms in my wallet." Phillip stated casually.

"Would you mind just getting head?"

"Do you have to ask?"

The next thing Ike knew, he was being pressed against the wall again with Phillip's lips crushed against his. He then slowly and clumsily maneuvered his blonde boyfriend into the bedroom to get rid of the building tension and urges that the alcohol had merely assisted in inducing.

* * *

_Ahhh, it's been forever since I posted. To be honest, my eyes have been bothering me so it's hard to focus for long. I'm going to the eye doctor tomorrow to see what's wrong with them and order myself some new glasses so hopefully that will all be taken care of. I'll try to update more but if you're wondering why I'm taking so long and whatnot, I've been posting somewhat regularly on my livejournal account._

_Have a lovely day and I love you if you review!_


	15. Ups and Downs

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park or any celebrities mentioned._

* * *

One and a half weeks later, Ike's cell phone rang once.

Then twice.

Ike gave a soft moan, shifting and nuzzling against his pillow while trying to ignore the annoying and invasive sound. He shivered lightly when rough fingers trailed softly across his skin before leaving his body and reaching over his body to pick up the phone.

"It's your brother." Phillip murmured softly in Ike's ear.

"Fuck 'im," Ike replied in a slightly slurred voice.

"He's not as attractive as you," Phillip replied before hitting the talk button and pressing it to his ears. "Hello?"

Ike rolled over to face his boyfriend, wincing slightly at the downside of losing his virginity and watched in mild curiosity. He found it fairly amazing that Phillip could answer his phone and talk to his family so casually, even if they don't know what was going on between the two.

Phillip grinned at the younger man as he spoke on the phone in a more alert but relaxed tone, "It's early? What time is it?" There was a moment of silence as Phillip's grin grew slightly, "Yeah, we pulled an all-nighter….Is that what you want to have happened?" Phillip chuckled, "Yeah, thanks, here's Ike."

He held the phone out for Ike, who took it suspiciously before being wrapped up in the older man's arms, "Hello?" He spoke, still sounding groggy despite the fact that he had woken up a bit more.

"Pleasant night, little brother?"

Ike's body stiffened at the amused and knowing tone in Kyle's voice. He peered up at Phillip's smirk and knew for sure that his brother knew. "You could say that…"

"Butt sore?"

"I don't see how that's relevant," Ike replied coldly, "Why are you calling so early?"

"Nice evasive maneuver," Kyle laughed on the other line, "I just wanted to see how my baby brother was doing."

"Oh, well in that case," Ike started brightly before scowling into the phone and earning a quiet chuckle from Phillip, "why are you really calling."

"Mom wants to know more about your boyfriend and if you're bringing him to Thanksgiving dinner."

"That's still a long time away."

"You know Mom."

Ike heaved a sigh and glanced at Phillip, "I don't know," He mumbled, "A lot happens in a few months and-"

"Don't worry, I'll tell her something stupid so you don't have to spill the secret of your forbidden love just yet. She is getting curious though. Is there anything I can tell her?"

Ike was once again stunned at how his brother could easily accept his twenty year old brother dating a forty nine year old man. Then again, Kyle had seen some crazy and intent things in his life and almost nothing probably surprises or disgusts him by now. This is something Ike wasn't complaining about but appreciated, of course.

"You can tell her…uh..."

Ike blinked as Phillip grabbed his hand and pulled the phone, "Tell her that she'll get to know me soon enough," Phillip stated calmly before moving the phone, and Ike's hand, back to his ear.

Ike stared at him in confusion, completely unaware of what Kyle was saying over the phone. It was just his eyes locked with Phillip's, trying to figure out if Phillip meant what his churning stomach was trying to convince him it meant.

"Ike?"

Ike blinked out of his thoughts, "Huh?"

"I said I have to get to work and I'll talk to you later. What zoned you out?"

Ike felt his cheeks heat up, "Uh…"

"God, you're gay." Kyle laughed, "I'll talk to you later."

Ike scowled at the dial tone before pressing the hang up button and setting the phone back on the nightstand behind him, gasping quietly when Phillip pulled him closer to his bare chest.

Ike peered up at the blonde through his lashes and messier than usual hair. "What did you mean by "she'll get to know me soon enough"?" He asked quietly and curiously.

"What do you think I mean?" Phillip asked.

"Well, we've only been together about four months…"

"Ike."

"And despite it being the best four months of my life, we really shouldn't speed things up or…or…"

"Ike."

"I don't want anything to go wrong…"

Phillip sighed, rolling his eyes and covered Ike's mouth with his hand, ignoring the muffled sounds of shock and then protests. "I've felt this strongly about you for way more than four months." He said quietly.

Ike furrowed his brow, nipping his lip, and studied the man in front of him. Phillip's expression held nothing but sincerity and Ike's stomach stirred up a queasy rush of excitement inside of him. A few seconds later a feeling of 'Oh SHIT' came over him and heat rushed to his cheeks as he pulled away from Phillip and got out of bed, pulling on his boxers.

"I….I gotta take a piss." He mumbled before quickly rushing out before Phillip could say anything.

He retreated into the bathroom, making sure to lock the door before pressing his back against it and heaving a sigh. He glanced at the mirror, a blushing and messy haired version of himself staring back wearing nothing but a pair of boxers. He pushed off the door and turned on the cold water, forming his hands into a cup to hold the water long enough for him to splash it onto his warm face. He was using the hand towel and drying his face when a soft knock came from the door.

"Ike?"

Ike hesitated for a moment, staring at the door, "Yeah?" He asked cautiously.

"I'm not ready to say it either."

Ike bit his lip and twisted the towels in his hands, "What?"

"You retreat when you're not sure about doing something that's fairly dramatic towards the relationship." Phillip commented through the door, "Don't think I haven't noticed it. But don't worry, I feel it but I'm not ready to say it."

"Isn't telling me that like saying it?"

There was a snort on the other side of the door, "No," Phillip replied, "Because when I say it, I know it's going to be because I can't keep the feeling inside anymore."

The churning in Ike's stomach quickly returned as well as the heat into his face. He tried desperately to think of something to say, something just as meaningful as what Phillip had just told him. He utterly failed though.

"That is so gay."

Phillip laughed, "I _am_ gay." Ike opened the door, peeking out at the blonde and Phillip hold out his arms. "C'mon."

Ike couldn't help but smile as he moved into his boyfriend's arms.

* * *

"Alan and I broke up."

Ike glanced up from his laptop at Sally from the couch of Phillip's dressing room. She looked fairly upset, her eyes slightly red and puffy from either crying or being near it, and she didn't keep up the proud and lady like posture she usually kept. He set the computer down on the table by the couch and scooted slightly and she quietly closed the door behind her before sitting next to him. He gently put an arm around her and pulled her to lean against him and the back cushion of the couch.

"Because of Terrance?" He asked quietly.

"In a sense," She replied in just a soft tone.

"What do you mean?"

"He brought up my father's faults. A lot." Sally started, "The prostitutes, the drinking when he was younger. His attempted suicide and then he…" She sniffled but her voice didn't hold any sadness but more anger, "He asked for pictures. Stories. Letters. He said he was running behind on his bills so he figured I could help him by letting him sell some things to the tabloids."

"What a dick."

"That's what I said."

Ike pulled away from Sally to look at her in shock, "Really?"

"He insulted and tried to take advantage of my Daddy, of course I did." Sally stated matter-of-factly.

"Wow," Ike replied. He never heard her call Terrance her 'Daddy' unless she was upset. It was as if she regressed into a little girl who needed her father to check the closet for monsters.

"You make it seem like it's a sign of the apocalypse," Sally commented.

"Well, it is," Ike replied before relaxing again, "Terrance know?"

"He doesn't even know I'm here." Sally replied softly.

Ike 'hmm-ed'. He knew that Terrance and Phillip were rehearsing. He stayed behind to catch up on some of the work and finish arranging an interview on Conan O'Brian. The pair had finally decided to forgive the talk show host, despite the fact that he flung himself out a building window because he felt so guilty. This interview was supposed to be big because Conan was going to formally apologize and the Canadian comedians were going to formally accept on live television.

He wondered something though, "Does he not know because you don't want him to know or because you happened to come when he wouldn't know?"

"The former," Sally muttered.

"Why?"

She sighed and stood up, "Because he was right about Alan," She replied, making her way to the mirror, sitting down and grabbing a tissue to blow her nose, "And he's going to remind me that he was right until I either he dies or I make a vow of celibacy."

Ike laughed at that but shrugged, "I dunno, I think he had a revelation of sorts that night you stormed off with Alan."

"Really?"

"Yeah, but he drank so…"

"Mmm."

They sat in silence for a moment and Ike studied Sally's reflection from afar. Though physically she seemed fine now, more relaxed and less with an expression of distress, Ike could see that there was still an inkling of hurt and sadness. He got up and walked over, rubbing her back reassuringly.

"Sally," He started, "Listen. You're terrific. You're smart, classy, well mannered, a great listener and beautiful. I mean, if I was straight, I'd be all over you. Don't let one asshole get you down, okay? You'll find a guy."

She looked at him with a hopeful look, "Really?" She asked.

"Fuck yeah."

"Language," Sally scolded, earning a grin from the younger man. She smiled and wrapped her arms around Ike's middle in a hug, "Thank you, Ike."

Ike hugged back gently and patted her back, "Well c'mon, you're like my best friend." He replied. "It's what I do."

She gave a soft laugh as they pulled away, turning when the door opened and Phillip warily entered, looking curious. "Sally?" He asked, holding the door open still, "You okay?"

At that, Terrance peered over his costar's shoulder, "What's wrong?"

Sally looked up at Ike and sighed, before standing up, straight and noble like she used to, "Daddy, can we go to lunch? I have something to tell you."

* * *

_Ew, it's all sappy. Oh well._


	16. TV Show Revelations

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park or any of the celebrities/shows mentioned. _

* * *

Ike and Phillip's six month anniversary was spent in the guest dressing room at the Tonight Show's studio in California with Terrance. Ike was hesitant at first when Phillip announced that he was going as well because he simply disliked California for past reasons. That and it was too hot and stuffy for his liking. But then Phillip played the 'You're my personal assistant, you have to go' card, Ike grouchily packed his bag.

At the moment, Ike was typing away on his keyboard. He would've been unaware that it was the six moth anniversary if it hadn't been for the little window that popped up to remind him on his laptop screen. Terrance and Phillip were being attacked by the make-up crew when a stage hand came in.

"We need you guys in the Green Room."

"Sure thing," Phillip got out of his chair and made his way out of the room, glancing at Terrance, "Coming or what?"

"Yeah, okay, be right there," Terrance answered with an annoyed tone before turning to Ike, "You move back the tickets?"

"Yep," Ike replied, "We go back tomorrow afternoon instead of tomorrow morning."

"Excellent," Terrance stated, getting out of the chair and to his feet while rubbing his hands together, "Which means we can have some fun before we leave."

Ike rolled his eyes. He had a feeling that Terrance's idea of having fun involved women. And women in a hot climate wore less. He was probably going to need babysitting. "You do realize I'm Phillip's assistant, right?" He stated in a bored tone.

Terrance laughed and pulled out a five from his pocket before holding it out for Ike, "You know, at first I was afraid you'd be the Yoko Ono of Terrance and Phillip. But I was wrong. I've never seen Phillip so happy and you've been nothing but helpful."

Ike stared at Terrance for a moment before taking the money. "That's great," He started in an unsure tone, "but…" He glanced up at the dark haired man curiously, "Who's Yoko Ono?"

Terrance stared at Ike, a thick silence settling in the room before Terrance dared to speak, "You're…joking, right?"

"No?"

"Oh my God," Terrance ran out of the room, "_PHILLIP_!"

Blinking, Ike closed his laptop and took chase with the computer in his arms. The door to the green room was being held open by Terrance who must have just blurted this apparent horror and Phillip stared at him in shock, then looked at Ike, then he looked at Terrance again, only with an expression that clearly said 'You, sir, are an idiot'.

"He's only twenty," Phillip commented, "Of course he doesn't know."

"What are you talking aboot!" Terrance declared, "Shouldn't he have learned this in school?!" He turned to look at Ike, "What do they teach you in history?!"

"Why the Melrose Place of the nineties was way better than the Melrose Place of 2009," Ike replied meekly, fairly ashamed of the learning system in South Park.

"Really?" Ike glanced up at Phillip and nodded, "But you're so smart."

"I read and watched the news and stuff," Ike mumbled, "And my brother looked out for me."

"Well, that doesn't mean you can be uneducated about this," Terrance pointed out before glaring at Phillip, "He's your responsibility. Educate him."

"Yeah, yeah," Phillip muttered while gesturing to the flat screen television on the wall, "Shut up and sit down. The show's starting."

Terrance rolled his eyes and made his way to the couch, sitting down next to Phillip on the couch. Ike followed suit, sitting neatly next to his boyfriend and opening up the laptop, pulling up tourist spots around the area. Phillip leaned against Ike casually, looking as if he weren't intending the physical contact with the younger man but intending all of the feelings the simple gesture gave.

Ike couldn't help but grin.

"I'm sorry this had to happen today," Phillip stated in a hushed tone.

Ike flickered his gaze from the computer screen to his boyfriend, "What?"

"Our anniversary."

A blush graced Ike's cheeks as he looked back at the screen, "You remembered?"

"Of course," Phillip replied, "And the little reminder window popped up about a minute ago."

"Yeah, I've been meaning to turn that off." The younger man mumbled.

Phillip chuckled softly, "Well, it gave me a good time to bring it up," He replied good naturedly.

Ike grinned softly and glanced at his boyfriend again, "Happy anniversary." He said softly.

Phillip smiled back, locking their eyes, "Happy anniversary, Ike."

Terrance coughed, reminding the two that he was still there and Phillip rolled his eyes, taking the laptop from Ike and opening up a Word document before quickly typing what he was going to do to Ike that night, in excruciating detail.

Ike's face brightened as he snatched the laptop back, "You do realize this is for _work_, right?" He hissed while secretively saving the document for later purposes.

"I get tense before a show," Phillip replied coolly while wearing a smirk, "It relaxes me."

Ike muttered under his breath about perverted old men abusing their careers and taking advantage of their poor innocent employees, earning a snort from the blonde. Thankfully, though, Phillip didn't reply and allowed Ike's face and temper to cool down.

Soon enough, the same person returned to tell Terrance and Phillip that they were soon to go on and to follow him. Ike was welcomed to watch from the side or stay in the Green Room. The younger man chose to go along for moral support, earning a grin and sly wink from Phillip.

The trio walked into the hall and watched as Conan O'Brian began his introduction of the comedic pair, talking about how the friendship had ended after Conan assisted Ike's mother in arresting them. Terrance was sort of stretching while Phillip jogged in place, both eager to go out and do what they came here to do. Make amends with the American comedian and get some more coverage. It had been a while since they were in the limelight of things and this was a great way to boost their already high and stable ratings.

"Please don't say anything too harsh about my Mother?" Ike blurted quickly and quietly to the pair.

"Don't worry about it," Phillip responded in a distracted voice. "We'll be kind."

"And now they are here to personally accept my apology and rekindle our friendship, please give a hand for Terrance and Phillip!"

The pair ran as the crowd cheered, waving, smiling, farting and laughing hysterically along the way to the couch. They both shook Conan's hand and then sat down, Terrance crossing his legs and sitting closest to the American talk show host.

"First off," Conan started, "I just want to say how deeply sorry I am for assisting Mom's Against Canada in your arrest, starting the Canadian-American War. It was wrong of me, especially since we had such a deep and trusting friendship, to do that. I should've stood up for you and protected you."

"It's alright, Conan," Terrance replied, "You didn't have much choice."

"Yes," Phillip replied coolly, "The members of M.A.C. were persuasive and it's all in the past."

"Besides, the whole thing didn't do too badly for our ratings."

The pair and the audience laughed and Conan chuckled in amusement, "Now, a lot has happened since we last talked. You've broken up and got back together, you've both gotten married to the Queef sisters and then divorced. What are you two up to now?"

"We've been working on our show and a new made for TV movie is in the works," Terrance started. "It has elements we've yet to try in our works."

"And what about your personal lives?"

The pair glanced at each other and Phillip gestured for Terrance to go ahead and speak first, "I haven't been in any long term relationships," he started, "And I don't really intend to. I've been also spending time with my daughter, Sally, since I haven't been there as much as I should've throughout her childhood."

The audience 'aww-ed' and Conan nodded approvingly before looking at Phillip, "And what about you, Phillip?" He asked, "Any relationships since your divorce?"

There was a long and pained silence as Phillip seemed to mull the question over, "Actually, Conan, yes," he answered casually.

Ike froze as he stared at what was happening with large eyes. They had rehearsed and Phillip had always said 'no' and talked about the work he was doing on the side and how he was devoted to it. Both Conan and Terrance looked shocked as well.

"Really?" Conan asked, slightly surprised but quickly recovering from this unscripted conversation.

"Yes. You see, I'm gay." The blonde stated boldly and rather proudly. "And I have a boyfriend."

Ike's heart stop as the audience mumbled curiously. Conan looked over at Terrance, "Did you know?"

"Of course I knew!" Terrance replied, "I know the boyfriend too. I really think they can make it," He then peered at Phillip, "I didn't know that you were going to announce this _today_ though."

"It's a better time that any." Phillip replied.

Terrance didn't look convinced but didn't say anything as Conan decided to probe further into the subject, "So, is this boyfriend of yours famous?"

Phillip merely shrugged, "He comes from a fairly influential family," He replied.

"Do we know of them?"

"Most likely," Phillip replied, "But does it really matter? After all, we're happy."

"I guess it doesn't," Conan replied before looking to the camera, "After this commercial break, we'll get to see an original and never before seen Terrance and Phillip sketch!"

The music played and the crowd clapped as Conan, Terrance and Phillip continued their conversation for only the live audience to witness. Afterwards, the pair did a sketch, earning laughs from the crowd and the TV host.

Ike was blind and deaf to it all though. More than anything, he was completely and absolutely shocked. Phillip hadn't pointed him out as his boyfriend, but Ike knew that since Phillip had come out, the world would quickly discover their relationship. A celebrity's life was anything but private.

Ike had mixed feelings over it. He would've appreciated it if his lover had told him that this was going to happen beforehand but it seemed like Phillip hadn't planned on doing it until the question was asked and he was on live TV. Then again, Ike and Phillip could be affectionate outside the privacy of his apartment or Phillip's dressing room. They could walk along the street and hold hands.

But then again, there was the age difference. Obviously that would come under scrutiny. Terrance, Sally and Kyle were more than fine with it but what would his parents say? And how would the ratings for the Terrance and Phillip show react to this news?

Ike felt queasy thinking of the downfalls of this brash move. He massaged his temples as the crowd cheered. There was a moment where Phillip glanced over in his direction, a look of concern on his face when Ike looked back. The younger man figured he was probably pale and he probably didn't have the best expression when he was, what Phillip liked to say, over thinking things.

But was he over thinking this time?

* * *

_I've wanted to write this out for SOOOOO long. And I know there's a rule about writing real people or something so this isn't the real Conan. It's the South Park version, thus fake because the actions in the show aren't real and they even have a disclaimer about the characters…even the ones based on real people…being fiction. I win._


	17. Hotel

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park or any celebrities/shows mentioned_

* * *

"What the fuck was that about?" Ike hissed as he, Terrance and Phillip quickly made their way to the guest dressing room to gather their things and get the hell out of there.

"My mind went blank and I just blurted it," Phillip replied quickly. "Besides, you knew I was going to do it eventually!"

"Yeah, but I thought you'd warn me and we'd do it together!"

Phillip paused, "Together?"

"Yes," Ike replied in exasperation, "Together."

There was a moment of silence before the blonde brightened up, "Okay!"

"What?"

"Once we get to the hotel, arrange a press conference for once we get back to Canada," Phillip ordered, "As soon as we get off the plane!"

It was then that Ike began to wonder about his boyfriend's mental health. "That's-"

"The longer we take, the more the paparazzo gathers!" Terrance interrupted before zooming out the door.

Phillip offered a reassuring smile before dragging Ike out after his friend and co-star. They quickly reached the back exit and Terrance looked at them, building up bracing himself. He held up three fingers to count down for when they would open the door and face whatever was behind it.

Then two fingers.

Phillip rubbed Ike's back, "We're just going to plow right on through. Don't answer questions, don't look them in they eye. Just go straight for the car." He said in a comforting but hurried voice.

Then one finger.

Terrance pushed open the door and the three were almost immediately blinded by the flashing lights of the cameras and deafened by the roar of questions. Terrance immediately began to push his way through the crowd, Phillip and Ike close behind and letting the more abrasive of the team take charge in telling the annoying cameramen off and pushing them out of the way despite the fact that they were curious about Phillip.

"Is it true that you just came out of the closet?!"

"Did Katherine Queef drive you into homosexuality?!"

"Is it true you and Terrance experimented?!"

"WHAT?" Terrance turned, glowering at the crowd, "I demand to know who the fuck said that!" He shouted over the chaos.

"We don't have time for this!" Phillip snapped as he shoved his friend and dragged his personal assistant towards the waiting vehicle with a look of clear irritation on his face. They eventually got into the safe confines of the car and the driver drove through the crowd. Phillip heaved a sigh and relaxed against his seat, failing to ignore the mild glares he was getting from his best friend and boyfriend, "What?"

"Fucking moron!" Terrance shouted while smacking the blonde in the back of the head. "Next time we have an interview, you're not allowed to talk! Fuck, you're not allowed to be there! Hell, we'll give Ike a blonde wig and have HIM do the interview in your place!"

"Oh, calm down!" Phillip snapped.

"Fuck you!" Terrance retorted, "You not only got yourself into a mess you're not ready for, but Ike and apparently me! Goddamn donkey fucker."

"You're just upset that they think you're gay now!"

"That's only fucking part of it. But yes! Yes I am!"

"People already thought you two might've been gay with each other!" Terrance and Phillip went silent and stared at Ike in shock and horror, causing him to sigh and roll his eyes, "My brother swore he saw you two kiss on TV once." He started, "And…well…you know," He mumbled, "Fan-fiction."

"Fan-whation?" Terrance asked, looking terribly suspicious.

Ike internally groaned, hoping the pair already knew about this. He really didn't want to be the one to show it to them either. But he set himself up for it. He opened his laptop and found a search engine, typing 'Terrance and Phillip fan-fiction' and hitting the enter button. After finding a site that would shock them enough, he placed the device in his lover's lap.

Terrance and Phillip peered at the screen, scanning the summaries of the story list before the black haired man pointed to the screen. "Click that one." He ordered.

Phillip did so and Ike watched their expressions as they read. Their faces slowly registered disgust and then absolute horror. Phillip practically tossed the laptop into Terrance's lap before pulling Ike into his lap, scooting away from his co-star and then planting the younger man between the two. Ike took his lap top back before Terrance could break it and read over the oneshot the two were reading, feeling his face heat up almost immediately.

"This is an especially raunchy one," He said quietly, breaking the awkward silence.

Terrance and Phillip didn't reply and the vehicle soon filled with the awkward silence again. Ike shifted uncomfortably and closed the windows down before shutting off the laptop. He jumped when Terrance spoke up.

"How did you know about those sites?"

Ike mentally cursed as two pairs of eyes seemed to be glued to him. Waiting patiently, curiously, and amusedly for him to answer, "Well…." He started hesitantly, averting his eyes, "I may have read them when I was a kid…"

"Did you write any?"

Ike's head snapped up to look at the blonde man in shock, "What?!"

"Did you write Terrance and Phillip fanfiction?"

Ike snorted loudly, feeling his face radiate heat only comparable to the sun, "I told you a long time ago, I didn't give a flying fuck about you guys."

"If that were true, we wouldn't be in this position," Terrence chirped, earning a dark glare from the younger man.

The rest of the ride was silent. A crowd had already gathered at the hotel and security had to assist in ushering the Canadians into the hotel and the safety of their floor. Due to the fact that Phillip and Ike were a complete secret when they had made reservations, Ike had his own room, which he made a beeline to. Phillip didn't make a move to follow or stop him, most likely deciding that the younger needed time to think.

Phillip knew Ike well.

Ike locked the door to his room before letting his eyes graze over his room. He hadn't had much time to look beforehand because they needed to get to the studio so he just threw his luggage on the bed and ran back to join Terrance and Phillip.

The room was large, most likely expensive too, and the bed was the biggest bed he'd ever seen in his life. There was a bed stand on each side with lamps, phone, brochures, alarm clock and the remote for the flat screen television on the wall. The walls themselves where a horrible wallpapered beige and maroon combination, matching the blankets on the bed almost perfectly and Ike idly wondered who would like this.

Then again, it's easier to find something everyone hates than something everyone likes.

Ike heaved a sigh and crawled onto the bed, sitting his labtop in front of him and opening it up. He powered the machine on, groaning slightly at his assigned task. He had to set up a press conference in which he will inform everyone that he and Phillip had been dating and throw their relationship under the judging gaze of the paparazzi, Phillip's fans and, worst of all, Sheila Broflovski.

He shuddered at the thought, picturing her scream 'WhatWhatWhaaaaat?!' at the television as Kyle laughed his ass off and Gerald stayed painfully silent but holding a shocked expression on his face. Once they recovered about five seconds later, two point five if his mother had a drink before seeing it, she would call and he'd have to keep his ear at least a foot away from the phone to prevent damage.

He got everything set up in an hour and half before shutting down his computer and putting it in the bag he brought for it. Deciding he really couldn't go to bed upset, he maneuvered out of his room and shuffled to the room on his left, knocking on the door lightly.

For a moment he thought that either Phillip was asleep and didn't hear him or the blonde simply didn't want to see him. He moved to return to his room in a feeling of rejection when the locks sounded and the door creaked open. Phillip stared at him silently for a moment before pushing a drink from the mini-bar into his hands and reentering his room, leaving the door open for Ike to follow.

Ike did so, glancing around the room. The bed was untouched but the television, which was already talking about Phillip's confession more than the fact that the President wanted a complete and total reform of the school systems, which was pretty sad to Ike.

Then again, the media had its priorities.

Phillip sat on the foot of the bed, taking a swig of his drink before staring blankly at the television. Ike cautiously joined the older man after making sure the door was closed and locked, opening and taking a sip of his own drink before staring at the television.

Wow, they were already at the point where they were analyzing Phillip's life for any hints or possible slip ups. They were working fast.

"Planned or not, it would've been just like this," Ike decided to remind quietly. "Only I'd be under scrutiny as well, maybe even more." Phillip merely 'hmm-ed', "But that'll change tomorrow. I've got everything set up but it's too late to move our tickets back to the original earlier flight."

"Terrance still wants to hang around the city." Phillip replied softly, "'Fuck the damn paparazzi, they're too busy fucking their cameras to have lives of their own so they have to try and live ours. And we'll give them lives to live.' is what he told me."

"He isn't up to anything at all," Ike stated sardonically.

Phillip chuckled, "What do you say we tag along?"

"I am _so_ glad I brought my camcorder." Phillip chuckled again and Ike smiled at him before taking a sip of his drink. "I was getting worried that I couldn't get you un-depressed."

"For a genius, you say a lot of fake words." Phillip commented idly, "But I say the same towards you."

Ike rolled his eyes, "So we're cool?"

"Of course," Phillip replied, glancing at the younger man, "Are you going to be okay with the press conference?" He asked carefully.

Ike shifted uncomfortably for a moment, taking another swig of his drink, "I hate public speaking," He replied. "I tense up and my brain can't function properly."

"Then you don't have to say anything, just stand with me."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

Ike relaxed completely, letting out a bit of a breath he'd been holding in, "Thanks." He replied in relief and grinning meekly.

"It's not a problem," Phillip replied, "I want you to be comfortable in this."

"I know," Ike tugged the older man closer to meet his lips, "Thank you."

Their lips met and the kiss quickly turned passionate. If Ike were able to think or register anything but his body's reactions to every gentle touch from Phillip's behalf, he would've been glad that neither of them spilt their abandoned drinks as they maneuver back onto the bed.

In a matter of minutes, the both of them completely forgot about the occurrences from earlier that night and the stress they caused. The dialogue from the television was ignored, forgotten, and completely meaningless to them.

Terrance was right.

Fuck the paparazzi.

All Ike needed was Phillip and all Phillip needed was Ike and it was going to stay that way, dammit.

Hopefully.

* * *

_Busybusybusy. Sorry I haven't been updating more._


	18. Oh Snaps

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park._

_I feel so guilty for not updating 'Undead' but I'm SO into this story right now, even though not many others are. =/_

* * *

"This is going to be fun."

"Just fucking remember to tell them we never fucked or 'experimented' or whatever!"

Phillip glared at his friend and costar before waving him off, "Yeah, yeah."

The three Canadians were walking along the concrete that separated the private plane and the large airport before them, dragging their bags tiredly behind them. Soon they'd be walking through the double doors and into the flashing lights and questions.

Ike was fucking sick of the questions but he knew this was only the beginning.

Ike looked at his boyfriend when Phillip brushed against Ike's hand, the tips of his fingers brushing against the old scar on Ike's palm and then laced his fingers with Ike's and squeezed in a gentle and reassuring way. They had spent the day shopping, Ike made sure to get something for Sally, Kyle and Kenny because it would keep his mind off of things and he felt he owed them since all three had a hand at getting him in this relationship.

He got Sally a dress he knew she'd completely love, Kyle got a really nice laptop bag and Kenny got a cookbook of low budget meals. He was pretty sure they'd like their gifts, which were tucked safely in his bag. Hopefully he'd be able to talk to them despite all of this madness.

"Ready?" Phillip asked, sounding fairly nervous.

"The sooner it's done, the better," Ike replied, tightening his grip on his lover's hand as they walked through the double doors, squinting slight at the sudden bright flashes.

At least two dozen chairs were neat rows in front of a plain podium. The chairs were filled and there were camera men from most of the major news networks as well as some smaller networks and there were way more reporters. Airport security stood along the walls, watching the reporters warily along with some of the higher airport staff. There was already a ruckus from the sight of Phillip and Ike's interlocked hands.

Phillip glanced at Ike and let go of his hand, walking up to the podium while the younger man lingered back with Terrance.

There was a moment of quiet as the small crowd settled down before Phillip cleared his voice and leaned slightly against the podium to speak into microphones. "Thank you for coming out today." He started, "Coincidentally, this press conference is about _my_ coming out." There was light laughter and Phillip chuckled into the mic, "Anyway, as you know, last night I revealed that I am gay on The Tonight Show. It was unintentional and I would've left it there, allowing you all to speculate, but my boyfriend wanted to make our relationship official. If I was going to be analyzed, so is he." Phillip glanced at Ike with an amused and the Jew couldn't help but blush. "It's great, actually. We've been together for around a good six months. We've known each other longer than that. I couldn't stand him at first, annoying little smartass that he was…still is actually." There was some more soft laughter and Ike could feel himself heat up even more but he couldn't stop the small grin on his face. "So," Phillip gestured towards Ike, "I'd like to introduce my boyfriend, Ike Broflovski."

Ike froze when he noticed all eyes on him and tentatively he waved from his spot. Terrance cleared his throat loudly from next to Ike and Phillip rolled his eyes.

"Oh, yeah, and Terrance and I are purely platonic. Just ew." Phillip didn't look back but Ike could see him smirking as Terrance flipped him off. "Any questions?" Several reporters started talking at once and flailing their arms before Phillip pointed at a woman. "Yes?"

"Actually, I have a question for your boyfriend?"

Ike froze but Phillip quickly spoke into the mic, "I'm sorry, he doesn't want to speak."

"He wanted to come out with you but he doesn't want to speak? That hardly seems fair!" Another reporter chimed.

"Well, he's not one for public speaking…"

"But he's with one of the biggest names in Canada."

"Yeah, well…"

Fuck. They were right and they were driving Phillip into a corner.

Ike stepped forward, feeling sick with each step and touched Phillip's arm. "I'll talk."

Phillip glanced at the reporters before leaning down to Ike's ear and asking quietly, "Are you sure?"

Ike nodded cautiously and Phillip stepped aside, making a move to join Terrance. Ike kept a grip on his arm though and Phillip carefully took Ike's hand and held it reassuringly as Ike stared into the microphones and then the expectant faces before them. "Uhm…" He started, feeling sick. "I'm Ike Broflovski…and…" This was insane. Kyle was the one who could speak in front of people right on the dot. Ike had to plan what he was going to say. Word for word. And even then he'd have some issues. It was only with speaking, he was fine with singing and dancing in front of his school. Not in front of, what millions of people thanks to the cameras?

But this was for a good cause. This was for his relationship.

He'd just have to talk.

He'd just have to tell it how it was.

"My name is Ike Broflovski. I'm from South Park, Colorado and I like to take it up the ass."

Apparently this meant giving into word vomit.

There was silence as the reporters stared at Ike in complete shock. Before he could react though, Phillip leaned forward to speak into the mic, "And I like to give it to Ike!" He stated proudly.

Caught up in the moment, Ike turned to Phillip, grabbing the older man's shirt collar and pulling him down, crashing their lips together in a messing but passionate kiss. Terrance was howling with laughter as pictures and voices and just the atmosphere went insane.

* * *

"She find out yet?"

"Ooooh yeah."

Ike heaved a sigh and collapsed on his couch, phone pressed to his ear. Almost as soon as he got home, the phone rang. It was Kyle, thankfully. Ike wasn't sure if he was ready to talk to his parents yet.

"How'd she take it?" He asked carefully.

"Well," Kyle started, "I always had a feeling, but I have to say. Very nice press conference. The most interesting one in my life time at least." Ike groaned and Kyle laughed, "Anyway, she found out when she was practically attacked by reporters after leaving the store. Dad pretty much got the same deal. They're talking about it now in the kitchen. Thanks for that by the way, the one night I come over for dinner…"

"Yes, Kyle, this was all a clever ploy to ruin your dinner night with Mom and Dad."

"Figured as much."

Ike rolled his eyes, immediately tensing when he heard Sheila Broflovski's voice in the background. Kyle spoke back, his words hard to understand since he was probably covering up the mouth piece of the phone.

Then what Ike wasn't ready for happened.

"Ike Moisha Broflovksi!" Sheila started as Ike winced at the use of his full name, "Do you have any idea what all this business is putting your father and I through? And what is this on TV? They keep showing you literally attacking a man almost thirty years older than you!"

"I didn't intend it," Ike started, "It just happened. And you didn't care about Phillip's age before."

"He wasn't screwing my son before!"

"Well, with age comes experience," Ike retorted.

Sheila sputtered for a moment and Ike could hear her call for his father. "Well let's just see what your father has to say about this," She stated in a tone that said she thought she was going to win.

"Ike?" Gerald's voice rang through the phone. Ike figured he was now in a three way conversation now.

"Hey, dad."

"Saw the news."

"I panicked. You know how I get with public speaking."

"I recall you yelling 'I pooped in my pants.' last time you spoke in front of a large unknown audience."

Ike blushed, "Well, I was six….and I did poop my pants."

"Yes, well," Gerald started, "Your mother is glaring at me for getting off subject. You're happy in your relationship? He doesn't hurt you or talk down to you or anything?"

"Nope," Ike replied cheerfully, "We're in a happy and committed relationship."

"Good, then I'm not worried."

"Gerald!"

"Sheila, the boy is twenty years old. He lives on his own in another country. He can handle himself and make his own choices." Gerald scolded, "It's not hurting himself or anyone else and as he said, he's happy. If something happens, we'll do our job as parents to help him get back on his feet, but until then, let Ike learn to fly solo."

Sheila sputtered for a few seconds before sighing, "Fine." She started, "But he's coming to Thanksgiving dinner."

"I'll do my best to convince him." Ike replied.

"See that you do." Sheila said, "And take care of yourself. Call us more often."

"Yes ma'am."

"I love you, Ike, and I only want what's best for you. Now here's your brother."

Kyle was still chuckling when he got on the phone, "That wasn't so bad."

"My ear hurts."

"You knew it was coming, you should've been prepared."

Ike sighed, rubbing his temples tiredly. He turned on his television, putting it on mute and flipped through the news channels. Thanks to the media, the press conference was the main focus of every channel, though on most ticker lines, there were mentions of an Ebola outbreak and France declaring war on Great Britain for always being 'so fucking snobby'.

"I don't think I'd ever be ready for this kind of media attention."

Kyle chuckled lightly, "When you were a kid you were so into performing. You wanted to be part of our boy band and everything. I guess you're just into performers now."

"Har har." Ike replied shortly. "One of us had to leave South Park and make our name known."

"Oh, ouch." Kyle laughed, "Harsh little brother."

"Well, to be honest, I always thought it would be you," Ike mumbled.

Kyle had full intentions of leaving South Park in high school. He was just as eager, if not more, than any other kid his age but right before Graduation, he saved an old man's life by pulling him off the train tracks when he broke his hip right before a train zoomed by. Apparently the man then included Kyle into his will and died three weeks later, leaving the teenager with a small fortune and the lease to an empty store. Not wanting it to go to waste or be turned into something stupid and useless, Kyle opted to open a bookstore. South Park had a bookstore but it wasn't the best and the owner was overly religious and very biased about what to buy, meaning if you wanted a good book, you either had to order it online or go to the next town. At least.

Kyle now had a small house and a booming little business, plus kids were getting into reading again. Especially teenage girls and lonely housewives because the flirtatious power Kyle had over Sally worked on most the opposite sex.

He was, of course, oblivious to that and just thought people were really getting into books again.

"Yeah, well, I'm happy with were my life is at the moment," Kyle replied. "Listen, dinner's ready. I'll talk to you later?"

"Yeah, sure," Ike replied warily.

"Take care, kid."

"Have a good dinner."

Ike sighed and hit the off button on the phone before reluctantly un-muting the television. Every channel was doing its own analysis of what was going on with the press conference and each channel was way off. It was slightly amusing but Ike felt it was a bit bothersome too.

It was a good time to break out the booze.


	19. Back in South Park

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park_

_I swear to God I will update Undead eventually! _

_Sorry I haven't updated in, like, forever. I'm registered for college classes, just waiting for financial aid approval. Plus my room got redone so I have wooden floors instead of carpet. Horray for no more funky old pee smell thanks to my dog. Plus I've gone to a baby shower and blah blah blah ON TO THE CHAPTER…_

* * *

Thanksgiving rolled around quickly and two days before the big feasting day, Phillip and Ike found themselves in the car rental section of Denver International Airport, tired and mildly annoyed at the length of the line for a car. Their flight was originally delayed thanks to snow and when they finally got to Denver, after the plane had to land in Cleveland because for some sick reason they ran out of the disgusting plane food, there as an ever growing crowd of holiday shoppers.

"Can't we just go home and tell your family we already celebrated Thanksgiving this year?" Phillip whined.

"That was Canadian Thanksgiving," Ike scolded, "And as I recall, a couple of beers and shitty old B-Movies doesn't make a good Thanksgiving."

"Well I'm sorry I don't have any living relatives!"

Ike gave Phillip a dark look, "Listen. If you don't want to come, then go home, but I'm going to spend a nice Thanksgiving with my family. I haven't seen them in forever."

Phillip sighed, letting his shoulders slump in defeat, "I'm sorry, Ike. It's this whole airport part that's getting to me and the constant murmuring of 'Is that Phillip and his boyfriend' and random pictures, which I find amazing that you're not reacting to-"

"I have airplane issues so I went to the doctor. I'm slightly high."

"I see. Anyway, all of its mixing with these nerves…"

Ike turned his dark eyes onto Phillip, "You're nervous?"

"Uh, duh." Phillip replied, "I mean, I've met them before but either I wasn't screwing you or it wasn't common knowledge." Ike snorted and moved the foot up to the line; pleased that they were next in line though he couldn't remember moving forward at all. He really was high. Those were some good pills. Phillip rubbed the younger man's shoulder reassuringly, pressing Ike against his side. "I'm driving."

Ike laughed lightly, "I can drive." He argued.

"You're swaying and you look exhausted. I know how to get to South Park."

"Mmm, fine," Ike replied, not in the mood to argue.

"Good." Phillip resolved, pressing the younger man to his side as the stepped up to rent a car. They managed to get a vehicle appropriate for the weather and Phillip led his young boyfriend to the black SUV. They loaded their bags and Ike got into the passenger seat, sliding it back and sighing happily at being able to stretch his legs.

The ride was quiet. The music from the radio, it was a struggle for them to find something they agreed on and wasn't redneck-y, played softly as Ike fell in and out of a light, relaxed sleep. The SUV had heated seats and Phillip was one of those drivers who could make a road covered in potholes the smoothest ride ever to be had.

They arrived at the hotel they'd be staying at a half hour past midnight and eagerly unloaded their baggage. The hotel manager led them to their room and they promptly collapsed on the bed after locking the door and securing that the curtains were closed, just in case there were photographers running loose.

* * *

"Ike Moishe Broflovksi, why aren't you wearing any winter clothes!?"

Ike straightened as his mother scowled at him from the door. He and Phillip stood on the doorstep and he looked himself over quickly for a moment. He wasn't cold. Much.

"I'm wearing a sweater." He replied casually, "And hello to you too."

"Come in before you catch your death," Sheila snapped, dragging her son in first before eyeing Phillip, "The both of you." She added, dragging the blonde in as well, much to his surprise.

Gerald Broflovski sat on the couch, remote in hand and intently watching the news, flipping the channel whenever coverage of his son's love life or any other celebrity came on and moving to a channel covering _actual_ news. It was hard to find these days, but he was managing quite nicely.

"Sit down and join your father," Sheila started while already making her way to the kitchen, "Dinner will be ready in about twenty minutes and your brother should be here any second."

Ike flashed Phillip an apologetic look before moving across the room and sitting next to his father. Gerald, at the sudden addition of the weight next to him, blinked and smiled in pleasant surprise at his younger son.

"It's been too long," He said while giving Ike a side hug, "Have you even cut your hair since you left for Canada?"

Ike laughed, "I've trimmed it myself when necessary," He admitted before gesturing towards his still standing, and looking a bit nervous, boyfriend, "And you know Phillip."

Gerald nodded, "Good to see you on good terms for once," He greeted jokingly while offering his hand for a shake.

Phillip visibly relaxed and stepped forward, taking the other man's hand in a firm grip and shaking. Ike noticed that after a moment, Phillip's brow furrowed but before he could look at his father's expression, their hands had separated and Phillip had taken a contented seat next to his young lover. Ike decided he'd simply have to pester Phillip about it later.

The three men sat and watched the news in a comfortable silence. The next thing Ike knew, Phillip and Gerald were wrapped up in a heated discussion, comparing things like Canadian Health Care and American Health Care and schooling systems and pretty much everything and anything that can be compared and contrasted. Ike gave a loud groan but went on ignored, so he opted to visit with his mother in the kitchen.

Ike didn't know what Sheila was making but it smelled delicious. A wave of homesickness hit him. This would be the first time in what felt like forever that he had any of his mother's cooking. For over a year, he'd been living off of take out, Sally's food, his own horrible cooking skills, Phillip's cooking which was, to be honest, sub-par, banquet food and Phillip's (and the rest of Canada's) precious 'Kroff Dinner'.

He was so sick of macaroni and cheese.

Approaching Sheila, Ike wrapped his arms around her waste and pressed his cheek against her shoulder, hugging her much like he did when he was a little boy. Without a word, Sheila twisted and hugged her son back, kissing him lovingly on the cheek and stroking his hair.

"You never hug me like that."

Ike and Sheila parted to look at Kyle, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed and a smug look on his face.

"Who'd want to hug your ugly ass?" Ike retorted with a smirk.

"Ike!"

"Hey," Kyle cut in, ignoring their mother, "Don't be jealous of my sweet ass, Ike. We can't all be blessed."

"Kyle!"

"Right, that's why you're turning into a spinster."

"Ike!"

Kyle snorted, "Me? A spinster? Pah-leeze, Ike, I make sure to get laid on a regular bas-"

"That's it! Both of you. OUT." Kyle and Ike yelped as their mother shooed them out of the kitchen with quick smacks, "And I don't want to hear you talking like that again. Don't think you're too old to be spanked!"

Kyle snorted but Ike elbowed him good in the side before the redhead could make a comment. In turn, that earned Ike a shove. Ike promptly shoved back. Kyle grabbed a hold of his little brother's arms and they twisted before ending up on the floor in a mildly violent but brotherly wrestling match.

Gerald ignored them, seeming content with the familiar actions and looking like he actually missed them. Phillip watched in curious amusement as Kyle knocked the wind out of Ike before receiving an elbow to the chin. They rolled and hit the side table by the couch, ignoring it as it shook.

They stopped their rough-housing when the lamp fell to the floor and shattered.

And Sheila rushed in and voiced _her_ opinion about their wrestling.

Loudly.

When she was catching her breath and preparing to launch into another tirade, Phillip stood up casually, clearing his throat and gaining her attention. "Is it alright if I smoke around the side of the house?"

Sheila blinked for a moment, "Uh…yes, yes of course. Ike, be a dear and get something for Phillip to sit on so he doesn't get wet from the bench by the fence."

Ike blinked, a little alarmed, "Yeah, okay…" He replied, standing up.

"Oh, and lend Phillip a jacket. And wear yours. And a hat. And a scarf. Don't forget your gloves."

"Mom, it'll be like five minutes."

"Don't sass me, young man! Kyle, clean up this mess."

Both young men, still a bit fearful of their mother's wrath, moved to do their assigned tasks. Ike gave Phillip a jacket to wear before grudgingly pulling on the purple coat, striped scarf and orange and yellow hat his mother saved for him. He shot his boyfriend a glare when he saw the blonde's lip twitch in amusement and Kyle simply laughed at his little brother, taking a picture on his camera phone. Ike marched out the back door, unaware of Phillip quickly giving Kyle his number for photo sharing purposes before following him out.

They quietly crunched through the already thick layer of snow on the ground and Ike retrieved a cardboard box from the safety of under the porch. He carried the box to the bench and laid it out over the snow before sitting down. Phillip joined him, pulling out a box of cigarettes and lighting one with a disposable lighter before sitting down.

"I didn't know you smoked," Ike commented quietly, watching his boyfriend.

"It's not an everyday thing," Phillip replied, taking a light drag, "I usually do it when I'm really stressed or I've got a problem. High level stress causing things."

Ike smirked a bit, "Like 'meeting' my family?"

"Exactly."

Ike laughed softly and leaned against his lover, who contently put an arm around the Ike while being mindful of not letting the smoke drift towards Ike's untainted lungs. Ike smiled contently as Phillip's thumb stroked Ike's shoulder. After a few minutes, with the cigarette only mostly done, the blonde stomped it out and set it aside to throw in the trash later. He then dug into his pocket and popped a mint into his mouth.

"You've got it all covered." Ike noted in amusement.

"Well, they say that kissing a smoker is like kissing an ashtray," Phillip relied, a grin on his face.

Ike took this as his cue to brush his lips against the older man's. Phillip quickly took control, parting Ike's lips and slipping his tongue in. Ike complied, keeping in mind of the 'reason' they were kissing and tasted his boyfriend's mouth extensively before parting for air and giving a smirk.

"Minty fresh."

Phillip chuckled, "Just what I was going for."

Sheila poked her head out the back door, looking a little embarrassed. Ike figured she probably saw her son swapping spit with the older man and wasn't sure of what to do with the situation. It was understandable. Sheila Broflovski could easily tell others how to sweep their doorsteps, but once she got to her own, she had no idea how to pick up a broom.

"Dinner's ready!" She called out.

"Alright, mom!" Ike called back, "Be right in!"

Sheila disappeared back into the house and Ike grinned at Phillip. "Alright, tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Our family tends to have it as this potluck thing. The Marsh family brings noodles and stuff, our family supplies the turkey, the Cartmans bring desert and the McCormick bring a can of beans or booze. Usually booze. Don't eat a lot tonight. _Trust_ me."

"I'll need that much room for tomorrow?" Phillip asked.

"Yes."

"And if I get hungry?"

Ike stood up and pulled his lover with him. They took the cardboard back to its spot under the porch and then made their way to the back door. Ike grabbed it but didn't open it yet and grinned, "We'll think of something." He replied with a wink.

Before Phillip could reply, he made his way inside to join the Broflovski family for dinner.

* * *


	20. Thanksgiving Part 1

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park._

_Oh snaps. Chapter 20. Whoop whoop. _

* * *

"You're insane if you're going to even try to look in there."

Ike turned and brightened considerably at the sight of Kenny McCormick, pushing himself away from the wall near the entrance to the kitchen in the dining room. The blonde was standing next to Kyle with a tin foil covered dish. Stuart and Carol McCormick passed him and went into the kitchen, Carol holding a similar dish and Stuart a couple of six packs to put in the fridge. Kenny rolled his eyes at his father and situated himself so he could hold the dish in one hand and he held out his free arm for a hug.

"I think we haven't seen each other long enough to hug and it not be gay," Kenny allowed with a teasing grin. Ike snorted and hugged one of those he considered as an honorary older brother. Kenny ruffled his hair affectionately before pulling away and giving his mother the dish he was holding since she seemed to decide that he was taking too long to get into the kitchen. "So, where's the newest member of our wonderfully dysfunctional family?"

"He's watching football with Dad," Ike replied, watching Stuart also make a beeline for the living room, a couple of beers in hand. "And your Dad soon."

"Great!" Kenny chirped, "Let's go meet him. Stan and Cartman ought to be here any minute anyway."

Kenny then led the Broflovski brothers to the living room. Gerald, Stuart and Phillip sat on the couch, chatting as commercials played.

"So, how are the Canadian teams?" Gerald asked curiously.

"Well, the Roughriders are doing very well," Phillip replied, "But the Roughriders are going to be a hard team to beat this year. It could go either way."

A look of complete confusion crossed Gerald's face and, much to his obvious relief, he spotted the younger men. "Boys, are you done helping your mother?"

"It's a madhouse in that kitchen, we're not going in there," Kyle replied pointedly. "Remember last year? Mom 'accidentally' shoved Kenny in the oven."

"That wasn't a pleasant way to go." Kenny added.

"Wasn't a pleasant mess to clean up after," Stuart retorted before taking a swig of beer.

"I love you too, father dear."

"Move, yer blockin' the game."

Kenny laughed before plopping down on the floor next to his father. There was a loud knock at the door and Kyle crossed the room to answer. As soon as it was open, Randy Marsh burst through the room, Stan Marsh quick to follow and both practically skidded to a stop when they were in sight of the TV. Randy slowly backing into the recliner as Stan leaned against the chair's back, both keeping complete attention on the television.

"Randy!" Sharon Marsh shouted in annoyance, "Do you think you could at least help me carry the food to the kitchen."

Randy waved at his wife to hush, not breaking his attention, "Sharon," He shushed, "The game is on and you already made me miss the team moving forward ten yards!"

Sharon sighed in exasperation and Kyle kindly took the weight of the stack of dishes she held in her arms, "I'll take these for you, Mrs. Marsh." He assured politely.

Sharon smiled in relief, running a hand in her short brown hair, "Thank you, Kyle, I'm glad one of you boys understand priorities," She said, her voice rising towards the end of the sentence.

"Shhh!" Randy and Stan simultaneously pressed their fingers to their lips and shushed the woman, glaring and earning an exasperated roll of the eyes from the Marsh matriarch.

Ike watched Kyle and Sharon disappear into the dining room and then the kitchen. There was yet another knock at the door and Ike took it upon himself to answer it, furrowing his brow in confusion when he was greeted with a click and a flash of light. After blinking out the spots, Eric Cartman registered into focus, carrying what looked like a fairly expensive camera. Behind him, Liane Cartman smiled sweetly, holding a cake tray.

She, of course, brought something sweet and fattening.

"Sweet."

"Nice to see you too, Cartman," Ike stated tartly while moving out of the way.

Cartman allowed his mother to enter the house first before following behind. Ike watched his eyes flicker over to Phillip curiously before looking at Ike, his expression showing an obvious deep thinking process. Liane helped herself to the kitchen, a light and cheerful hum in her voice while she passed Kyle.

"Great. You're here fatass." Kyle greeted in irritation.

Despite the nickname sticking, Eric Cartman was not a fatass. In his growth into adult hood, all the weight he accumulated over his childhood went from out to up, causing him to tower over the other young men. He was still wide in girth and that just encouraged his intimidating stature. He had yet to grow into his big personality though.

"That's right, Kahl, I'm here so it is great," Cartman retorted.

"Commercial! Beer break!" Randy declared as he, Gerald and Stuart simultaneously stood and went to the kitchen; Stuart crushing his empty beer can against his hip on the way.

Phillip glanced to his can and at the departing men in confusion, raising an eyebrow. Ike took this moment to sit next to his boyfriend and give a reassuring smile. Kenny stood up and plopped down on Phillip's other side, moving to face the other blonde with an expression that held amusement mixed with complete seriousness. Ike wasn't really sure how Kenny managed that. Ike caught a bit of movement from the corner of his eye and turned to see Stan sitting in the recliner, crossing his arms over his chest and addressing Phillip with the same expression.

"I believe you know what's coming," Stan started casually.

"The third degree?" Phillip asked, struggling to keep a smirk down.

"This conversation has to happen." Kenny replied.

Ike groaned and Phillip gave a slight laugh, "Isn't this Gerald and Sheila's job?"

"Ike's like our little brother, so we get a turn." Stan explained, "Now, Kenny, you may proceed."

"Thank you, Stan."

Ike felt his face heat up intently and he buried his face into Phillip's shoulder, "Oh God, I am so sorry. Please, please forgive me." He said, his voice muffled by his lover's arm.

"First of all, you hurt Ike, you die." Kenny replied shortly. "It will involve an intricate plan and I do not fear death, so I will happily go down, as long as I bring you with me."

"It's true," Stan chirped. "And what exactly are your intentions with Ike?"

Ike continued to groan into Phillip's arm as he heard his brother laugh in the background. Phillip chuckled, apparently very amused and easy with this conversation. Probably because he knew that these young men had worshiped him since before the age of eight. "I intend on continuing our relationship that isn't any of your business unless Ike decides to tell you about it." He retorted smartly.

Kenny laughed, "Yeah, okay, we'll give you that one."

"And you can drop it," Ike snapped.

"That's right," Stan added, "We can make this much worse for Ike," He looked at his super best friend since childhood, "Kyle, where does your mom keep the photo albums?"

"No!" Ike nearly shouted, "There is no way in-"

"Ike, do me a favor," Cartman interrupted.

"What?"

"I need some extra cash, make out with your boyfriend or something," Cartman ordered, getting his camera ready.

Ike let out a sound of annoyance and frustration. He shot to his feet and grabbed Phillip's hand, dragging the blonde upstairs while ignoring the laughter and catcalls Kyle and his friends sent after them. He dragged the older man into what was his room, mildly surprised that his parents kept it completely the same, if not adding a few boxes for storage, but his anger and embarrassment quickly took over again.

"I'm sorry my brother and his friends are assholes," He apologized quickly and desperately.

Phillip merely laughed and ruffled Ike's messy hair, "Its fine," He assured before eyeing Ike's doubtful expression, "Really."

Ike sighed and sat on his bed, "Sadly, they've always been assholes."

Phillip chuckled, looking around the room distractedly with his hands in his pockets, "So….this is your room?"

"Was," Ike corrected, "I took most of my stuff to Canada with me but the bed and most of the large furniture stayed.

"It's nice."

"Not really," Ike replied casually before perking, "Though there is something."

Phillip watched as Ike got up and walked across the room, eyes focused on the wood floor. He stopped in front of the dresser and shoved it to the right slightly, causing a floor board that was once weighed down by the furniture to raise up above the rest of the floor ever-so-slightly.

Ike fell lightly to his knees and Phillip crouched next to him, thoroughly intrigued. The younger man carefully lifted the board out of its place, revealing a small holding space. Ike looked up at his lover with a secretive smile.

"You're the only person who knows I have this," He confided.

"What's in it?"

Ike shrugged and pulled out a couple newspapers and pictures, "Some keepsakes," He then pulled out a small stack of unlabeled DVDs held together by a rubber band, "Some porn," He wrinkled his nose and fought against gagging as he pulled out a wrapped, moldy sandwich, "A sandwich with the forbidden pork."

Phillip covered his mouth, looking like he was willing himself not to vomit from the smell while Ike quickly stood up and opened his window, tossing the disgusting sandwich out into the street before sitting back down.

"That was disgusting." Phillip said once fresh air rolled into the room.

"I completely forgot about it," Ike replied, "My mistake."

Phillip picked up the pile of newspaper articles and pictures, flipping through them with a small frown. The first article held a picture of a young woman, fairly good looking with long blonde hair. The caption read 'Kindergarten teacher and total hottie, Ms. Stephenson'. Under that was a picture of what looked like a three year old boy with dark hair and eyes. This caption caused Phillip to raise a curious eyebrow 'Kindergartener and luckiest kid in the world, Ike Broflovski'. The title of the article was 'Teacher Jumps Off Roof, Boy Who Scored a Hero'.

"Which one are you looking at?" Ike asked curiously.

Phillip jumped slightly, startled out of his thoughts, "Oh, I was just looking at," He quickly grabbed a random article, "'Mother Against Canada Forgets Own Canadian Child.'……Fuck."

Ike laughed, "It's fine, they're all pretty depressing articles."

"You don't have a secret stash of depressing memories in your current room, do you?" Phillip asked.

"Not secret, no," Ike replied teasingly, "Why? You don't have a small stack of crappy memories at your place?"

"Well…"

"Actually," Ike started thoughtfully, "In al this time, I've never actually seen your place. I don't even know where you live."

Phillip looked uneasy, "Yeah, I know."

"Well, why not?"

"It's….well…I don't know how you'd react to it," Phillip explained carefully.

Ike rolled his eyes and leaned forward, pressing his lips against Phillips before offering a reassuring smile, "Whatever it is, I can handle it."

"I share a house with Terrance," Phillip said.

"See, that's not so-"

"Even though it's a fairly big, two story house, we sleep in the same room but separate beds."

"Oh…kay."

* * *

_Okay, Thanksgiving is going to come in parts. So this is part one, the next chapter is part two…and so on. I don't know why I'm explaining this. _


	21. Thanksgiving Part 2

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park_

_THE MID-SEASON PREMIRE IS AN IKE EPI. I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY._

* * *

Dinner was awkward to say the least.

Sharon, Leann, and Sheila were talking about Shelly's pregnancy, Sheila dropping loud and not so subtle hints about how wonderful being a Grandmother will be while glancing at her sons. Kyle was arguing with Cartman about the larger man's lack of table manners while Stan rolled his eyes at Randy, who was strategically putting his camcorder at the right angle on his new tripod to catch all of the action. Stuart and Carol bickered as Carol sneakily and habitually scooped biscuits into her purse and Kenny smiled pleasantly at Ike, who was squirming in his seat under the gaze and glancing occasionally at his happily eating boyfriend.

"I taped it you know."

Ike looked up from his meal and gave Kenny a curious look, "Taped what?"

"Our adorable little prank on Kyle," Kenny replied casually before shoving a forkful of corn into his mouth.

Ike's eyebrows rose in surprise, he'd forgotten completely about that, "Yeah?"

"Uh huh, DVD's in my truck. I'll give it to you later."

"Awesome."

Phillip, who seemed to have been listening in on this small conversation, leaned towards Ike, "Are you talking about the panties thing?"

"Shh," Ike scolded, feeling a bit better that Phillip wasn't making the whole 'Sleeping in the same room as Terrance' thing a big drama in front of everyone. "This isn't exactly something everyone needs to know about," He whispered.

"Well, if that's the case," Kenny sing-songed, "I won't give the copies to Stan and Cartman."

Ike perked at that, grinning, "You didn't."

"I did."

Completely forgetting the weirdness of his lover's living situation, Ike brightened up, "Kenny, you're the best."

The blonde gave a smug smirk, "I know," He replied before taking a bite of turkey.

Ike glanced at Phillip, who seemed to be thinking about something, a concentrated frown on his face complimenting the bothered expression. Ike reached under the table and gave Phillip's thigh a light squeeze, causing the blonde to glance over at the younger man and weakly return the encouraging smile.

"Are you okay?" Ike whispered carefully.

"Yeah," Phillip replied, "Yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking about something. Work."

Ike didn't believe him and his expression showed that well but he didn't reply, instead he asked for Stan to pass the green beans.

"Ike, Kyle, what do you think about babies?" Sheila asked, "Stan's sister is having one."

"I dunno," Ike replied casually, "I hope it doesn't have her strength?"

"Or her temper," Kyle added, ignoring the mildly annoyed look from his mother and Sharon.

"Yes," Sheila replied warily, "But don't you think since you're getting older…"

"Oh! Sure Mom," Kyle said brightly, "Let me just figure out when I'm ovulating and head down to the good old sperm bank!"

"Kyle!"

"What, Mom? That's what you get when you don't have any daughters and on of your sons is gay and the other doesn't give a crap. You risk no grandchildren! That's just what fucking happens. And even if I meet a girl, who's to say I want to subject a kid to the fucking life South Park has to offer. The crazy antics you get up to alone are more than enough to pay a therapists kids through college!"

It was then that Sheila stood up abruptly and left the now silent table. Kyle sighed and went after her.

Ike removed his hand from Phillip's thigh.

Phillip caught the hand and intertwined their fingers, squeezing reassuringly.

_

* * *

_

"_Yankee Doodle went to town to buy a pony…"_

Ike groaned and tried to make himself as small as possible as Sheila sat with Phillip on the couch, Ike on the blonde's other side, describing Ike's 'talent' for song and dance by using an old home video of when he was in the talent show in Kindergarten. His brother and friends watched, large grins on their faces as they constantly glanced at the younger man from their spots on the floor, looking amused.

The disagreement between Sheila and Kyle was long forgotten when the redhead mentioned that Phillip had never seen Ike's baby videos.

"He practiced day and night for that show, didn't you Ike?" Sheila continued. "He'd raise a fuss whenever I tried to change his diaper. Not that he wasn't potty trained. He could do number one in the toilet just fine but when it came to number two…"

Ike groaned and curled up even more-so, burying his face in his arms and knees, as the older men snickered and he felt his face heat up when Phillip chuckled and gave his head an affectionate pat.

"Well, they say some geniuses are late bloomers in 'normal' things," He replied, "Look at Einstein, he couldn't talk until he was five, right?" Ike peeked up at his boyfriend timidly and Phillip smiled, "But you are pretty cute in this. Maybe Terrance and I should have you on our show."

There was a collective gasp for Kyle, Kenny, Stan and Cartman and Ike's face brightened, "You mean…on TV?"

When he was younger, he would've jumped at this opportunity. Then again, he wanted to get a hockey scholarship as a kid too but apparently he was too small and there were plenty of other Canadian-Americans who were actually good at the sport. He'd gotten over that second dream quite easily but the first took some time and bullying on the kids he went to school with part. They knocked his self esteem down enough that Ike decided that behind the scenes was best for him, which confused his mother when he suddenly switched to auditioning for plays to becoming a prop maker and stage hand.

"Yeah, on TV. I'd have to run it by Terrance first but I doubt he'd care and the producers pretty much do whatever we say…"

"No thank you."

"But Ike!" Sheila protested, "You used to love to get on stage and perform! What happened?"

"It's nothing," Ike muttered, hiding his mouth in his arms and averting his eyes, ending up making contact with his brother. Kyle looked back knowingly but didn't say anything. "I just don't like it anymore."

"Well, the offer stands…" Phillip replied carefully before turning his attention back to the TV, which was now of Ike standing in the snow, ever vigilante with a sign saying 'Honk if You Support Canada'.

"Ike." Ike glanced at his brother, who was looking a little sore and blinked. "Can I speak with you outside?"

Tentatively, Ike uncurled from the couch and followed Kyle as he stepped out the front door. Phillip gave Ike a curious glance and the younger man shrugged, unsure, as he too stepped outside.

"Yeah?"

"What the fuck is your problem?" Kyle snapped, hugging himself in the cold, "Do it. You know you want to."

"No," Ike snapped, "I don't."

"Why?" Kyle demanded, "Because of what some retard said when you were a kid? Who was it Ike? I'll show you that you have it way better than him."

"Kyle," Ike sighed, "Don't. I just…I don't want to."

Kyle growled internally before slamming into the house and coming out seconds later, tossing Ike his winter wear and pulling on his own jacket, "I am tired of this Ike with the low self esteem. I was hoping you'd grow out of it on your own. And then when you got in a relationship…"

"I don't have a low self esteem!" Ike arged.

Kyle rolled his eyes, dragging his younger brother to the sidewalk and started marching, "Then why'd you stop performing?" He asked. Ike was silent. "Who was it?"

"….Filmore, but we're not going to do anything stupid, right?"

"Nope," Kyle replied.

Ike sighed in relief and they continued their march until they ended up at a house familiar to Ike. Kyle knocked on the door and waited patiently until a young man answered, looking fairly annoyed as a football game played in the background and there was a mass of cheers.

"What."

"Are you Filmore?" Kyle asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Yeah, what of it?" He asked, "You do realize today's a holiday, right?"

"Oh, yeah, I know," Kyle replied, "This won't take long." He moved out of the way, revealing more of a now sheepish and embarrassed looking Ike. "You remember my brother, right? Ike Broflovksi?"

"Oh yeah, from school," Filmore replied casually, "I heard you were fucking Phillip from Terrance and Phillip now. I knew you wanted to be in the show business but I think you're taking the behind part of 'behind the scenes' a little seriously." Ike simply glared at Filmore smirked, "What? Still pissy with me? C'mon Ike, you and I both know you suck. You're smart but you're not talented."

"You and I both know that's a lie," Kyle stated coolly, his green eyes flashing, "But I would like to know what you said to my little brother to fuck him over like this."

"I didn't have to say much, he did it all to himself," Filmore said, "Just ask him yourself. He beat himself up for every little thing. I just watched and helped him come to the conclusion that he's got no talent. Not in hockey and not on the stage. Now if you don't mind, I've got a game to watch."

Kyle watched in silence as Filmore retreated into his house before turning to the silent Ike. Ike's hung his head, hands shoved into his pockets.

"He's right," He muttered, "No matter how hard I tried, I never got better. I just…sucked. None of the girls wanted to audition with me for Romeo and Juliet, everyone always whispered when I went on stage. So one day I quit. I just quit."

"You were good, Ike." Kyle replied. "But if you don't want to believe that, fine. I tried."

Ike nodded slowly and they walked back home in silence, greeted by the site of Kenny, Stan and Cartman huddled around the blonde's truck and the other two laughing. Kyle frowned and Ike didn't feel up to smiling despite knowing what his brothers friends would be viewing later that night. There was a racket from the garage and Stan mentioned something about his Dad wanted to show Stuart and Gerald something he developed for Black Friday.

He just wanted to crawl in bed and pretend that today in happened.

Instead, he silently went inside, shoving the DVD Kenny quickly passed him into his jacket pocket before hanging the garment up. He headed straight for the couch, where Phillip was alone since the other men were messing around in the Broflovski garage. Ike sat down and curled up, pressing his face in Phillip's side as the blonde silently wrapped an arm around him, apparently decided not to ask but to just comfort.

* * *

_Okay, so I'm having trouble writing for my multi-chapter stories thanks to school and stuff. But I want to keep a consistent update thing going and keep my mojo flowing. So if you have a request or something for a oneshot, and a oneshot only, feel free to PM me. Don't request it in the review because I think people get in trouble for that on here. I dunno. And PMs are easier to keep track of. I'll probably make a journal on DA talking more about it more in depth later._

_So yeah. I'm prostituting myself for free. _

_I'm slutting myself out._


	22. Thanksgiving Part 3 The Final Part

_Disclaimer: I do not own South Park_

_Okay, so on my LiveJournal (the link is in my profile) I am offering __**snippets of future chapters and stories**__ for anyone who's interested. There's a direct link to the snippets so…yeah…_

* * *

"That Cartman guy's mother just hit on me."

"Yeah, she does that."

Ike and Phillip sat down on the designated cardboard covered bench as the blonde lit up a cigarette. Ike watched as he took a drag and slowly exhaled the smoke, finding it mildly fascinating how the smoke mingled with the reaction between his hot breath and cold air. Phillip let the cigarette hang in his mouth as he quickly rubbed his hands together, hoping that the friction would heat them up.

"I suppose I should start my tirade of apologies," Ike replied quietly. "Like, my Mother's 'hinting' at grandchildren and the obnoxiousness of my brother's friends…"

Phillip laughed, "I don't mind at all," He replied casually, "They're all quite the characters."

"Yeah," Ike agreed, "Yeah, they are."

They sat in content silence for a few minutes before Phillip lightly took Ike's bare hand, idly tracing the scar on the younger's palm. Ike shivered and not because of the cold before glancing at his lover.

"Hey. What do you want for Christmas?" He asked curiously.

"Aren't you Jewish?"

"Aren't you not?"

"Touché"

Ike grinned and nudged his boyfriend with his shoulder, "C'mon. Spill. What do you want?"

"Mmm," Phillip gave Ike a secretive, teasing grin. "Depends. Do I have to get you eight gifts?"

Ike laughed and shook his head, "No, we can celebrate Christmas present-wise."

"Well what do you want?"

"I dunno," Ike admitted, "But I asked you first."

The blonde continued to grin and leaned back, "I'm not telling."

"What? Why the hell not?" Ike demanded.

"I don't feel like telling you yet."

"This is hardly fair," The younger man pouted, earning a chuckle from Phillip. Ike's face heated up when the older man pressed his lips against the old scar. "Tomorrow's Black Friday," Ike commented, watching as Phillip moved his lips to Ike's wrist.

"Mmhmm."

"And I was thinking," Phillip's lips skipped the skin that was covered in clothing and ended up on Ike's neck, the younger tilting his head instinctively, "Maybe we can get up like, crazy early and go to the mall before we leave. It'll be fun."

"How early?" Phillip muttered into Ike's neck, causing the younger to shiver.

"Uhm…"

A flash of light interrupted them. Ike and Phillip straightened up considerably at the same time and Ike's eyes narrowed as Cartman grinned, Kenny shaking his head and giving the pair an apologetic look.

"I tried to keep him distracted."

"And that's why you're not getting a slice of the profit." Cartman snapped.

Ike shot to his feet and held out his hand, glaring, "Give me the film, Cartman." He demanded, face bright red.

"Of course, Ike," Cartman replied lightly, "That'll be five thousand dollars. Preferably cash."

"What?!" Ike stepped forward again, "I am _not_ paying you for a picture I didn't even permit you to take!"

"That's why it's a candid shot."

"Cartman," Kenny sighed, "Just give them the roll."

"And ruin all the beautiful shots of this wonderful Thanksgiving?" Cartman replied lightly, "I don't think so."

"Most of those pictures are of Randy and my Dad drunk off their asses and doing stupid shit, like riding a go-kart down an icy street, and Kyle. God, you probably have more pictures of Kyle in that thing than anyone!" Kenny snapped.

"Kenny!"

"That's beyond creepy," Ike stated, "But give me the film."

"But it'll be exposed to the _light_," Cartman whined.

"Good. Give."

Cartman took a step back and Ike advanced, Kenny issuing an annoyed sigh before lighting up a cigarette of his own. Cartman took another step back and Ike was ready to pretty much tackle the older man when a hand wrapped around his wrist. He glanced dangerously to Phillip, who wasn't looking at him but stubbing out his cigarette in the snow.

Finally Phillip glanced up at Ike, "I thought this holiday was about family and good feelings."

"He's not my family," Ike argued, more pouting now than angry.

"That's not what you were saying in Canada." Ike opened his mouth to argue and Phillip simply shook his head, smiling, "Just let him have the picture. It's not like the media hasn't seen us kiss."

"Yeah, but-"

"Honestly, Ike, I don't think it's a big deal…unless you still have a problem with us being out in the open…" Phillip said with a thoughtful frown on his face.

"No, I don't it's just…" Ike sighed and glanced back at the other two men and glared, "Just…fuck off with your picture Cartman."

The larger man smirked and sauntered away, earning an extra glare from Kenny and Ike tiredly sat down with his lover, rubbing his temples. Phillip rubbed his back and offered a reassuring smile, "I know how you feel, Ike." He said, "You probably feel used, like you're a bank, right?" Ike nodded weakly. "It sort of comes with the territory, I'm sorry if I didn't warn you better…"

"No," Ike replied carefully, "It's…I know. I knew. I mean, I saw the attention you guys get. I mean, I grew up with people," He gestured vaguely to Kenny, who moved to the other side of the yard to give them space, "who idolize you. Who risked their lives for you. I'd be a complete retard if I didn't know what to expect." Phillip seemed to relax at this and leaned back in the bench. Ike decided to lean against him, a small grin as he peered up at his boyfriend, "Why didn't you convince me to stay home better? I'dve preferred Chinese and beer over this fucked up day."

Phillip laughed, "And miss seeing your talent show performance? I think not."

Ike rolled his eyes and playfully shoved the other man before standing up and offering his hand, "C'mon, everyone's been having fun and I've been a little emo-tard all day."

"Your words, not mine." Ike snorted as Phillip took his hand and he pulled the blonde to his feet. "Now, how exactly do you want to have fun?"

Ike bit his lip and glanced around, spotting Kenny idly strolling by the fence. He bent down, scooping up a handful of snow and rolling it into a ball. Hearing a chuckle from Phillip, Ike took careful aim and threw the snowball.

The ball struck Kenny in the back, causing him to slip on the black ice under the snow. He flailed for a moment before falling, his head meeting the fence and sending him falling backwards onto a pick ax (Ike's father had been softening up the dirt so that he could make a deck and install a hot tub) which was half protruding from the snow, still stuck in the frozen dirt. With a nasty noise, Kenny was impaled through the neck and dead, his cigarette successfully falling out of his mouth and catching his clothes of fire.

"Oh my God!" Phillip yelped in surprise, he knew of Kenny's condition but it was still shocking to see, "You killed him!"

As they hurriedly smothered the flames, Ike and Phillip could hear the distinct, reflexive voice of Kyle from the front yard. "You bastard!"

* * *

_I'm so sick of this chapter that I'm making it a short one. Dammit._


	23. Confusion

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park_

_Guess what? I got an LJ completely devoted to my fics and hideous art. No emo bitching on my part. Just fic related stuff. Yeah. On my main page. _

* * *

Ike frowned as he watched his lover shift on the couch before getting up and grabbing his travel bag. They were back in Canada, going to Ike's apartment directly from the airport, and the younger man had noticed Phillip acting strange since before they left South Park. A few times, he looked like he was about to bring the subject up but then he silenced himself, bothering Ike quite a bit. Even shopping on Black Friday wasn't as fun as it could've been and it was really concerning the younger man.

"You know," Ike started carefully as he saw Phillip work at trying to pull the lever out of his wheeled bag, "You can…you know…leave that stuff here."

Phillip shot Ike a confused look, "For the night?" He asked.

"For an extended period of time?"

"Ike," Phillip breathed, moving back to the couch and abandoning his bag, "Are you asking me to move in?"

"I…well…I mean you don't have to move in," Ike stammered, "You can just leave stuff here so you don't have to drag everything around or, I mean, not leave anything here at all, it's totally okay and stuff."

Phillip laughed softly; looking the most relaxed Ike had seen him since Thanksgiving, "Alright, where do you want me to put my stuff?" He asked.

"I have an empty dresser drawer and some space made in my closet?" Ike replied meekly.

Phillip offered a smile but still seemed troubled by something as he gave Ike a quick pat on the knee before getting up and dragging his bag into the younger man's room. Ike frowned and curled up on the couch, nipping his lip. Idly, he itched at his old scar and mulled over the possible explanations that could make Phillip act so off.

Work.

His family.

Something he did.

His family.

The conversation about Phillip's living situation.

His family.

He loved his family and extended family but he really couldn't trust them, especially his brother and his friends. Cartman would most likely try to get as much money out of the situation as possible, Kenny was just had a twisted sense of humor, Kyle had a reason to fight back thanks to that prank and Stan, well he was the nicest of the foursome but he was wrapped around Kyle's little finger.

Deciding that it was too late to deal with any problems caused by his family, Ike concluded that he could see if the problem was influenced by the non-family things. Sliding off the couch, he trotted down the hall and peeked into his room, watching the older man neatly tuck clothes into the empty drawer Ike had prepared him…embarrassingly weeks ago. He edged into the room before clearing his throat as to not startle Phillip.

The blonde glanced up at Ike and gave a smile, "Hey."

"Hi," Ike replied, smiling back before sitting neatly on the bed next to Phillip, "I was wondering…are you okay?"

Phillip hesitated before answering, "Yeah, why do you ask?"

"Well," Ike replied cautiously, "You seem down lately."

"I'm fine. Promise." Phillip assured, giving Ike a chaste kiss before getting up and walking towards the bathroom while tugging his shirt off, "I'm going to take a shower, I always feel nasty after getting off planes."

Taking that as a sign of the conversation being over, Phillip was now running the fan and starting the water which made talking require almost yelling, Ike gave a soft sigh and changed before brushing his teeth quickly. He didn't fall asleep until a bit after the weight shifted in his bed.

The comforting hold that usually came after that never happened.

* * *

"So, tell me…"

Ike glanced up over the screen of his laptop and Terrance casually plunked down on the couch in Phillip's dressing room with a bag of candy in his hand. He took a piece, tossed it in the air, and caught it before grinning in his usual show-offish manner.

"Tell you…?"

"What led to your fucked up childhood?" Terrance asked casually, as if asking the time.

"…Excuse me?"

The older man shrugged, "Yeah, the teacher and…is it your family? Because that would make sense."

"And why are you asking me this?" Ike asked venomously while snapping his laptop closed.

"Curiosity?" Terrance replied, "And Phillip is acting off and he mentioned some things during American Thanksgiving as well as showed me some articles about a certain kid we know…"

"Oh really?"

"He didn't talk to you, did he?"

Ike sighed and sank into his seat, "No, he's practically been avoiding me since we got home last week." He admitted. "He'd tell me there's no problem and then avoid me without making it super obvious…well…in his mind I guess." He glanced at Terrance curiously, if Phillip told him that much then perhaps he told him more, "What do you know?"

"How much you got?"

And that is why the older man started the conversation in the first place.

Asshole.

Ike sighed and reached into his back pocket, successfully pulling out his wallet. He opened it and offered Terrance the highest bill he had, which wasn't all that high, and gave the older man an intent look. "Alright. Talk."

Pleased with his small financial gains, the actor calmly tucked the money into his own wallet and got comfortable before choosing to address the younger man. "Phillip didn't say much to me, but there could be concern," He started, "As a warning, if the press gets wind of this, you're never going to hear the end of it. They'll be questioning everything you do and your entire relationship." Terrance explained while inspecting his nails.

Ike frowned, "What do you mean?"

"Well think aboot it, kiddo, your life is full of attention drawing scandal and they might conclude that your whole relationship is…attention drawing and we already know it's mildly scandalous."

"No, it's not," Ike snapped.

Terrance snorted and flipped on the small television in the room, flipping through the channels. "Phillip and Ike, Phillip's Boyfriend, Phillip's Jewnadian, Ike and Phillip, Is Ike the new Terrance…that one's fucked up…"

"Okay, I get the point," Ike sighed while snatching the remote from Terrance and switching off the accursed TV. "But you do know that's not why I'm with Phillip, right?"

"Of course," Terrance assured with a nonchalant wave of his hand, "But I watched you two dance around each other forever before shacking up."

"…So what should I do?"

Terrance sighed and scratched at his chin, "Hard to say," He started, "Phillip's….complicated. Half the time I don't know what he's thinking unless he outright tells me and we've known each other all our lives, so I suppose you ought to just be patient because he'll come around eventually."

Ike frowned, usually he could be pretty patient but this is something that he really didn't want to wait around for. He had to though. "Yeah, alright," He said in a depressed manner, "Thanks."

"Great. Now go get me some coffee."

Ike shot Terrance an annoyed look and the older man merely gave him a smug response. Sighing, Ike decided to humor Terrance just this once and got up, shuffling out into the hall and down to where the coffee was provided for cast and crew.

As he absently poured coffee into a Styrofoam cup and prepared it the way that Terrance liked it, something Ike unfortunately knew, he thought about what the older man had said. Phillip had snuck the pile of articles out of Ike's old bedroom and had been apparently troubled by them ever since. It concerned the young man that his lover couldn't just come to him and talk about it, or even his best friend. He barely told Terrance a thing, and Phillip was possibly festering on the inside.

Why he was festering, Ike wasn't sure.

Terrance doubted that Phillip thought about the media getting involved but Ike wasn't so sure. The blonde was smart, very smart, and as an actor, was pretty good at covering up certain emotions. What if he did start thinking that Ike was just using him? That all that 'dancing around each other' was a clever ploy? Ike had thought up intricate plans before but this honestly wasn't one of them.

But if he did have his suspicions, then why would he agree to leave some of his stuff at Ike's place?

Ike finished making the coffee and glanced out into the hall. Phillip was out there, talking to one of the writers about the script. Usually Terrance and Phillip wrote their own scripts but this year they were filming a Christmas special and took on other writers to help out while they continued writing episodes for the regular show. The blonde glanced at Ike and offered a small smile before continuing his conversation.

Ike was sure of one thing.

He was so confused.

* * *

_Woooow, I can't believe I finished this damn chapter before finals week._


	24. Comfort

_Disclaimer - I do not own South Park_

_I hope everyone's holidays were wonderful! I pretty much got everything I wanted except for a Kenny plush but that's life. My b-day is in less than two months anyway. _

* * *

The small ball smacked against the wall with such a force that it flew back and fiercely hit Ike in the forehead before falling to the ground and bouncing away casually. He tightened his grip on his paddle and rubbed his forehead aggressively before stalking after the ping pong ball.

It had been a week since he had spoken to Terrance and since then, Phillip seemed to drift more and more from him. The blonde didn't even show up to work the past few days. Ike hated to say it, but he was more annoyed than worried. Before, Phillip and Ike were close and they talked about things and there was communication in the relationship. But now…

Now it felt like the blonde was simply trying to forget Ike existed all together, barely giving the younger man the time of day.

He didn't understand why Phillip was doing this. Was Terrance right? Was it the result of Ike's eventful childhood? Was it something his friends or family did to affect Phillip's perception of him? Or was the blonde simply bored with him? Maybe he fell for someone else and just didn't have the heart or balls to break the news to the younger man.

Ike tried talking to him but would get quickly brushed off. His phone messages and texts, before he disappeared completely, were never answered unless it was business related, then the answer was short and cold. A few times, Ike had considered packing up Phillip's clothes and things to give to Terrance and then find a new job. But after those considerations, he usually ended up lying in bed and hugging the Phillip doll close, even sticking it in the drawer in hopes that it would attain the blonde's scent.

Sally said that Phillip was completely unlike that and something was simply on the older man's mind. She didn't have an answer when Ike asked her why he had so completely isolated himself from the younger.

Terrance wasn't much help either since he was constantly with Phillip, though he gave Ike fleeting looks that promised that he was trying to figure things out and would supply useful information for a favor or two.

That was four days ago.

Even the media had noticed the absence of Phillip, immediately blaming Ike and even hassled him whenever he left home for the store or Sally's. He'd made threats more than once and simply stopped watching the news or any television for that matter. It was one of the downfalls of dating a major source of income for the economy.

Ike took a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down. He gripped the paddle lightly before tossing the ball and hitting it. It was a hit that was held back incredibly, resulting in a pitiful bounce against the table top and then the folded up part that formed a wall before bouncing twice sadly and rolling towards the young man.

Setting the paddle down, Ike heaved a sigh and decided that it was simply time to give up on the matter. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he began writing a quick text message that would state that if Phillip didn't man up and talk to him, the relationship was going to be over.

No matter how much that killed Ike to write.

Before he could send it, his phone alerted him that Terrance was calling him. With a sigh, Ike pressed the green 'talk' button and held the small device up to his ear.

"Hello?" He winced internally at how dead his voice sounded. He was so upset he was almost devoid of emotion.

"Hey, uh…can you come over?" Terrance sounded tired.

Ike blinked at the phone, not really sure why the older man was asking him this. He didn't even know where the pair lived. "Why?" He asked with an unintended sharp tone. Terrance didn't do anything wrong. It was Phillip he was mad at.

"He….well…just come." Terrance replied quickly before spouting out the address, "Please. Just….yeah."

Ike had only heard Terrance show real, honest to God concern over Sally. Every other time it just came off as rehearsed or there was a plastic feel to it. Like he really didn't care about the person he was showing concern for. The whole world could go to hell and he'd just care about Sally and maybe Phillip, despite the two being through thick and thin. But his tone now changed Ike's perception of the older man, by just a little bit. Terrance was more than a crude comedy actor, womanizer, and devoted father.

He was a caring friend.

And that tone immediately convinced Ike to go to the address given.

"I'll be right there."

Ike didn't give Terrance the chance to reply as he hung up and swiftly left the room. Increasing his pace, he grabbed his jacket and pulled it on before tugging his shoes over his feet. He locked the front door behind him after leaving the apartment and sped for the bus, quite aware of which one would practically take him to the doorstep of the given address, which, if his assumption was correct, was the stars' home. The bus was just arriving when he climbed aboard and issued his money before quickly sitting down in a seat, hand ready to tug at the pull cable to request the bus to stop. It had a strange funk to it and there was a homeless gentleman sitting two people down from him, snoring loudly with a paper bag covered bottle in his arms.

A good half hour passed before the stop came and Ike pulled at the cable before standing up, gripping the rails to maintain his balance as the bus pulled to a stop. He leapt out of the large vehicle and run further down the road with his eyes settled on the house numbers. It was a nice neighborhood with sizable homes that probably housed families with two or three kids and a dog or two. They all had neat little yards and a car in the driveway. Eventually he found the right house and sped up the walkway before pounding on the door.

It pulled open and Terrance peeked out before widening the space between the door and its frame, silently inviting Ike in. The younger man accepted, peeking around at the clean, quiet home. The quiet was quickly disrupted as Ike was pushed into the wall unexpectedly. The next thing he knew, his hands felt thick with saliva and the black dog who was pinning him with its paws on his thighs gave a quick bark and wagged its tail.

They never mentioned having a dog.

"Bad Barky, bad!" Terrance scolded while tugging the animal off of Ike by his collar, "And stay down!"

Ike looked at Terrance in mild surprise, "Barky's real?"

The older man snorted, "Of course he's real. So is Purry."

Ike glanced down at the dog again as it gave another quick bark and moved in an excited circle. Ike remembered Stan's dog, Sparky, did that before he got a treat or if Clyde Donavon's dog was in sight. He idly remembered the duo having a cat in their movie, the one which Sally was featured, "Oh."

"Yes, well, pets aside…" Ike turned his attention to Terrance as the other man grew serious and turned his gaze to the stairs. "As you well know, Phillip and I have been in the show business since we could sing and dance," He started, "Like most child stars, we had…dysfunctional relationships with our parents. As soon as I was legal, I took my money and things and didn't say a word. Phillip, on the other hand, things became so complicated that had himself emancipated two years before being legal. He really couldn't stand them. They said they were doing what was best for him, taking his money and putting it in an account he couldn't get into, and he couldn't stand it. He thought they were pulling a fast one on him and trying to steal his money. Fifteen years later, he realized they were putting it aside for his future and that not all child stars make it. Hell, we've seen it happen to other enough and we came close a few times ourselves." Terrance gave a soft laugh and rubbed the back of his neck, "They wanted him to have the ability to have a back up plan, because they knew how bright he was…and he broke up their family because he was too stupid to see it."

Ike was silent as he absorbed this information. He peeked up at Terrance, who had a tired look on his face, "What happened to them?" He asked.

"Well," Terrance sighed, "After realizing that he had the rare 'good parents', he immediately set to locating them and making amends. They forgave him and…though he only visits on holidays…they had a good and stable relationship until…"

Ike didn't like the dark look on Terrance's face, "Until?"

Terrance forced a laugh and ruffled Ike's hair, "Until he robbed the cradle, kiddo."

Ike's heart sank, "So is that why…?"

"Kinda," Terrance replied before ushering the younger upstairs and to a cracked open door, "There was a fight, he told them off and then they died four days ago."

"What?! How?!"

"Apparently they owed money to the Canadian Mafia. Turns out his parents were dipping into his wallet after all." Terrance explained, "Anyway, Phillip hasn't eaten or spoken or gotten out of bed since then. I'm tired of being his nanny and snapping him out of it. You do it."

Ike glared at the older man, "Why didn't you get me sooner?!"

The older man shrugged, "He didn't want you to come see him like this and because of circumstances."

Ike frowned and hesitated before peeking into the dark room and cautiously shuffling in. The loud rumble of a cat purring led him to a bed with a body wrapped tightly under the blankets. The dim light from the hallway helped Ike edge towards the head of the bed, ignoring the annoyed look from the grey cat snuggling the person, and he knelt down. Carefully, he tugged lightly at the blanket, thankful that it was loose and that he could easily pull it away so he could see Phillip's face.

The blonde cracked a weary eye open. Even in the dim light, Ike knew that his eyes were most likely red since they were puffy and they shined with tired tears. Phillip hadn't shaved in days and when Ike lightly touched his face, the fine hairs of a beard trying to grow scratched lightly at his fingertips. Ike ignored the faint odor emitting from the blankets, figuring if he didn't take the time to eat or shave, then Phillip probably didn't bathe in four days either. Phillip sniffed slightly and the rumble that was from a stomach, not a cat, echoed through the otherwise quiet room. Ike couldn't help but offer a small smile.

"How about we get you some soup?" He asked; his voice barely above a whisper. "Your stomach sounds rather threatening."

Phillip blinked at him from his blanket cocoon, "You're not upset." He noted; his voice as hoarse and scratchy as his face.

"I was," Ike admitted, "I would've sent a text that could've ended things if it weren't for Terrance. I was worried."

"That's my fault," Phillip replied, "I haven't been treating you fairly. I feel horrible for it."

Ike gave a soft smile, petting Phillip's face, "Well, its okay right now," He assured, "We're going to get some food in you and get you cleaned up and feeling a little better and then we can talk, okay?"

Phillip nodded and sat up slowly, most likely sore from lying in bed for days straight. Ike stood up and rubbed the blonde's back reassuringly. Taking his hands, Ike pulled him to his feet and gently dragged him out of the room, thankful that he so easily convinced Phillip to leave his depressive fortress. Phillip leaned against him as they made their way down the stairs and Ike peeked up at him, taking in the blonde's state under bright lights and frowning deeply at what he saw.

He rushed into making soup and serving it to the blonde man as he and Terrance silently watched Phillip devour every bit before feeding him some toast afterwards. After that they got him bathed, shaved and into clean clothes before setting him on the couch while Terrance ran his bed laundry through the wash with the explanation of washing out the 'festering angst'. This left Ike and Phillip alone.

"I'm sorry about your parents," Ike stated quietly as he stared at their tightly interlocked hands.

"I'm sorry too," Phillip whispered.

"Is there a funeral?"

"Two days ago, I didn't go."

"Oh."

"I'd…I think I'd like to visit their grave though," Phillip noted quietly, "Maybe make my peace...apologize for being so harsh…" He glanced at Ike, a tired smile on his face, "But I won't apologize for my reason." Ike felt himself blush ever-so-slightly as he gently squeezed Phillip's hand. "Do you want to come?"

Ike hesitated and searched Phillip's face for reluctance, "Are you sure?"

"I met your parents."

"Under different circumstances," Ike shot back.

Phillip's grip on Ike's hand tightened, "Just…please."

He sighed softly and stroked the back of Phillip's hand with his thumb. He was uncomfortable visiting the grave of people he didn't know or never met, especially when they were so against his relationship with their son. Dead or not, what was he supposed to do or say? He couldn't really show pain or remorse.

But Phillip was suffering and he needed him and that was much more important than what the recently deceased though.

"Of course, I'll go with you."


	25. What Happened To The News?

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park._

_Aaaaah, I'm updating. Oh snaps._

_I like reviews. Winkwink. Nudgenudge._

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Large, round, yellow eyes stared at Ike from the other end of his couch. Ike stayed far away from the cat as it stared at him knowingly, smugly. Purry knew that Ike was nervous and unsure about this situation. The cat was in control.

Phillip had business to attend to in another part of Canada. It was something about his parents' estate and he had asked Terrance to join him since the other man knew more about the Argyle family than Ike ever would. So, the blonde had asked his young lover to take care of his pet cat while Sally cared for Barky.

Unfortunately, Purry hated Ike with a passion.

The grey animal took a swipe at him with his claws whenever he got the chance and Ike was covered in painful scratches. At night, Ike was afraid to go to sleep or risk getting defecated on his face or scratched so much he'd bleed to death.

He was in a cat induced hell and Purry was his personal devil.

The phone rang and Ike quickly glanced at the device, which was less than a foot away from the cat, and then at his nemesis. Purry merely gave him a lazy blink and Ike uneasily scooted towards the insistent phone. Purry shifted ever-so-slightly, his paws kneading the cushion, but didn't make a move to attack and the young man quickly took the phone and returned to his side of the couch before hitting the talk button.

"Hello?" He asked, not realizing how tired he sounded.

"Hey, Ike, how's it going with Purry?"

Ike grimaced at the sound of his lover's voice and glanced at the worst cat in the world. "He's….taking his time adjusting to me," He replied cautiously.

"Yeah, he gets a bit…ornery around new people." Phillip admitted with a sigh.

"I noticed," Ike replied dully, annoyed that Phillip hadn't informed him that his cat was Satan.

"Scratched you?"

"A lot."

"Sorry," Phillip apologized, sounding utterly sincere and dispelling all annoyance Ike held towards the man and the situation. "I should've warned you."

Ike let out a soft sigh, "It's alright. Cats scratch, that's just what they do."

"Thanks for being so understanding."

"You still owe me though," Ike replied in an amused tone and grinned at the chuckle on the other side of the line.

"Promise."

Ike opened his mouth to say something the click of someone opening his door forced him to pause and reply with "Hold on" as he peered at his guest.

Sally looked exasperated as Barky tugged at his leash excitedly, trying to get to Ike. The young man had no idea what he did to encourage such affection from the dog, but he wished the cat would learn something from its canine housemate. Ike yelped as Sally let go of the leash and Barky lunged onto the young man and covered his face with a thick film of saliva.

The laughing from the other side of the phone meant Phillip knew exactly what was going on.

"Oh, Barky, no!" Sally rushed forward and tugged the dog off of the poor American, "I'm really sorry Ike, I didn't mean to."

"It's fine, really," Ike replied, helping his friend push the dog off and calm down. He glanced up at Sally and frowned.

Her hair was a mess, she looked tired and aged despite being so young and she was wearing jogging pants. Something she never left the house in unless it was an emergency or something terribly upsetting.

"Are you okay?"

"What's going on with Sally?" Phillip asked through the phone.

His concerned tone drew the attention of Terrance since the other older man could be heard struggling with Phillip and demanding to know what was wrong with Sally.

"Are you talking to Daddy and Phillip?" Sally asked, pushing her hair out of her face and Ike nodded. "Tell them to turn to the Channel."

Canada only had one channel, which was the Canada Channel. Due to this, Canada usually watched American television shows when Terrance and Phillip and the Queef sisters weren't on. Also, since it was the only channel that Canada ran, it was called the Channel. It was some hip new slang or something.

Sally had turned on the television and directed to the Channel where a news anchor sat, looking sympathetically at Katherine Queef as well as a couple labeled by the station's special effects as Harry and Elise Gints.

Harry had short black hair that was neatly parted and greased down on his scalp. On the sides of his square shaped head were two large ears. He wore a modest brown jacket and a red tie. Elise had chocolate brown hair that was clearly graying with large square-rimmed glasses and thick red lipstick. She wore a frumpy blue dress that she kept straightening with one hand and she clung to her husband with the other.

They stirred a vague memory in Ike's mind.

"We didn't raise Peter, but we had him for a short time." Elise said in a voice that sounded very much like a man using a falsetto tone. "He was such a quiet and gentle boy. You could tell that he was sensitive and just wanted to be loved. It's just that kind of personality that can end up in such a risky relationship."

Ike frowned in concentration, trying to remember who these people were and the significance of them talking about this Peter person.

"Why are we watching this?" Phillip asked through the phone with a tone of distaste, obviously for his ex-wife.

"I don't-"

"Shh!" Sally scolded before turning the volume of the television up when the anchor started speaking.

"We're here with Katherine Queef, ex-wife of Phillip, and Henry and Elise Gints, the biological parents of Ike Broflovski, who have asked to come onto the show today in order to make a plea regarding Ike's safety in his relationship with the television and movie star who is known for past abuse."

The whole room went quiet and there wasn't a sound on the other side of the line.

"When Katherine told us that Peter was at risk, we just had to do something since his adoptive family wouldn't!" Henry announced.

Ike vaguely remembered Kyle telling him once that his biological parents had taken him during Christmas when he was a toddler but the redhead wasn't assed enough to remember their names.

And for good reason.

"He doesn't realize it now, but once he does something Phillip doesn't like he could end up in the hospital. Or worse!" Katherine explained. "For his own safety, I do hope Ike thinks about the price of his relationship."

"That fucking bitch…"

"Those fucking bitches," Ike corrected his lover.

"And how do you three feel about the rumors that this is some stunt by Phillip or that Ike is simply using the actor in order to gain a reputation of his own?" The anchor asked curiously.

"I wouldn't put it past Phillip to do such a thing," Katherine replied.

"And Peter is such a sweet boy, there's no way he would act in such a way," Elise protested.

Sally made a sound and pulled out her cell phone. She dialed a number and waited patiently before announcing who she was and that she would like to ask someone some questions.

"Well, we have some callers that would like to ask some questions." The anchor announced, "Our first is Sally. Are you there, Sally?"

"Yes, yes I am." Sally replied into the phone and Ike stared in shock and fascination while Phillip made a confused sound on the other line. "First, I have a question for the Gints if that's alright?"

"Go ahead, Sally," Henry replied and Ike felt a bit squeamish at the glare she delivered the television.

"Yes, you said that you spent only a little time with Ike?"

"When he was aboot three, yes," Replied Elise.

"But aren't all three year olds sensitive and in need of love?" Sally asked.

"Yes…well…"

"And since you only spent a certain amount of time with him when he was only three, mind you, are you really in the position to say what kind of person he is?"

"But we-"

"Should you really be questioning the Broflovski's parenting when you both are claiming to know _Ike_," She said his name in a venomous way that clearly informed everyone that she would not accept his being referenced as 'Peter', "so well that he wouldn't use Phillip to gain a reputation, when _clearly_ you're using him in order to gain one for yourselves?" Elise was tearing up now and Henry was consoling her, "It sickens me how people such as you and Ms. Queef can make such accusations and the news feeds off of it like a leech when there are much more important and trustworthy matters to be reported. Ike Broflovski is an intelligent and decent young man and I will not have you pick him and his relationship apart, dammit. You all ought to be ashamed of yourselves."

When Sally hung up Elise burst into tears and Henry consoled his wife while barking at the anchor and Katherine that this was not the Gints had signed up for before dragging Elise off the set. Katherine held an expression of great offense as the anchor quickly stammered for a commercial break.

It was quite possibly the most amazing thing Ike had seen Sally do and he stared at his friend in awe as she stood, glaring at the television, in a rigid stance.

Faintly, Ike heard Terrance speak proudly of his daughter. He wasn't sure what Phillip was thinking and he wasn't sure what to say. Apparently, neither did the older man since they were silent on the line for a good five minutes before Ike spoke up.

"What are you thinking?" He asked quietly.

"I'm just starting to doubt the decency of Canadian parents." There was a sound of offense in the background. "Er…most Canadian parents."

"They're not my parents," Ike replied, "They just happened to be the gene pool I came from."

"I'm sorry you came from that gene pool, Ike."

"Me too."

"I should let you go and help Sally calm down," Phillip started up, "I'll call you later tonight?"

Ike couldn't help but smile slightly, "Yeah, I'll be waiting."

"Good. Talk to you tonight then. Love you."

Ike's heart stopped as dial tone descended on his ears.

Did Phillip mean that?


	26. Ike Strikes Back

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park_

_I'm going to try to passionately update this next week because I'm on SPRING BREAK. _

_Nerdtastic. _

_But idk how that'll turn out since I'm also planning arts and a cosplay video. _

_I obviously have no life outside of school and work._

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"I appreciate you inviting me on today."

"Thank you for coming. It's a bit disappointing that Phillip isn't here with you."

Ike forced a polite smile at the anchor and nodded, "Yes, well the show was behind filming so I told him I could handle this while he and Terrance get caught up." Ike replied.

After watching several interviews of the Gints, Ike grew wary. Sally and her mother, Celine Dion, had taken to defending the young man's relationship. It caught Ike off guard when he'd seen the interview with the pop star because he didn't expect her to get caught up in this. He'd only met Celine a handful of times. Then again, he didn't know how well she and Phillip got along; perhaps she was doing the interviews for him.

But Ike quickly grew tired of other people fighting his battle. He decided to suck it up, get over being uncomfortable with being in front of the camera and scheduled an interview with another anchor on the Channel. No way was he going to that asshole anchor that started it all.

This anchor was a French Canadian woman by the name of Bridgette Sirop, most likely in her early thirties, with light brown hair and a kind smile. Her eyes held no nonsense wisdom and Ike liked to think that they also held a passion for the truth. He was biased in choosing an anchor. He watched her almost five times a week because she was the only anchor not to cover the ridiculous lives of celebrity scandals and water skiing squirrels, but she covered the important things, like politics and the community. When she replied to his email requesting an interview, he couldn't help but ask her why she agreed. 'Because I sense a great amount of character and integrity from you' was her response and Ike was blushing the rest of the day.

Now he sat in a chair on the outside of her anchor's desk wearing slacks, a light blue dress shirt and a darker blue tie. His hands gripped his knees nervously and his body was rigid despite how much he tried to force himself to relax.

"Is there anything you want to talk about before we get to what everyone is talking about?" The woman asked kindly.

"No, let's get to the point if you don't mind, Ms. Sirop." Ike replied meekly.

The anchor smiled, giving a maternal look, "Please. Call me Bridgette," She insisted. "Now, Ike, there have been rumors that your relationship is all a rouse, a publicity stunt in order to get you attention and raise the ratings of the Terrance and Phillip show. Is this true?"

"No, Bridgette, it's not." Ike replied, "Phillip and I are in a real relationship."

"But the rumors say that you were working with him before the relationship. Isn't it possible you two came up with this idea?"

"It's possible," Ike replied, "We're both pretty smart. But it's not like that. The only reason I got the job was for whatever affections Phillip had for me back then and I accepted for the same reasons."

"What about the rumors of abuse?"

Ike couldn't help but give a soft laugh, "They're ridiculous." He replied. "I understand that Phillip has been violent before and I willingly took the risk of being in an abusive relationship. But he's never laid a hand on me and I've never felt safer with anyone."

"You sound happy."

"I am."

Bridgette gave him a warm smile while shuffling her papers, "Now the Gints, your biological parents, have been reportedly saying that you're too innocent for such a relationship and even if this was a rouse, it would all be Phillip's idea."

Ike thought about that for a minute, "Well…I'm not at all innocent," He replied, "And I wouldn't put it past myself to do something like that if I was really passionate about becoming a star or something but…I'm pretty sure I like Phillip more." Bridgette grinned at him and he grinned back, relaxing, "Anyway, they have no clue what they're talking about because they have no clue who I am. My name is Ike Broflovski, not Peter Gints and my parents are Sheila and Gerald Broflovski."

"That answers my next question a bit," Bridgette laughed.

"Oh, sorry!" Ike replied sheepishly.

"It's quite alright, Ike," Bridgette replied, "How do the Broflovski's feel about your relationship?"

"They're fine with it," Ike replied, "My mother insisted he join us at Thanksgiving and showed him embarrassing home movies while bringing up the subject of grandchildren. My brother and his friends gave Phillip a hard time though."

"Oh, fun," Bridgette replied. She was making it more of a conversation than an interview and Ike knew it was for his sake. She was totally getting something better than a shitty 'Thank You' muffin basket. "Are you going to do the same for Christmas?"

"Well I'm Jewish," Ike replied, "We haven't talked about it much but I think we're going Christmas style in the present sense but he's going to join me in the Hanukkah stuff."

"That sounds like a good compromise," Bridgette commented.

"Well isn't that what a good relationship is about?"

"Yes, you're quite right." She replied. "What do you think about Katherine Queef's constant pleas to 'save yourself'?"

Ike thought about that. It was going to be hard not sounding like a complete bitch, "I understand that she's concerned and I appreciate her making me aware of the risks of my relationship but I think there's a point where she just has to let go and realize I have no intent to leave Phillip. I am an adult."

"That you are. And you're very mature for your age, I must say." Bridgette commented before turning to the camera, "Sadly, that's all the time we have today." She glanced at him, "Thank you for coming Ike."

"Thank you for inviting me."

The camera flickered off and everyone relaxed and went on to taking down what needed to be removed from the set. Bridgette got up and gestured to Ike to follow her as they walked to the studio exit together. As soon as they reached outside, wincing at the sunlight, she took out a silver cigarette holder and offered one of the cancer sticks to Ike. He politely declined and she lit one for herself up.

"You were very articulate." She commented, "Are you sure this was your first interview?"

"Positive."

Bridgette took a drag, "You've got a stage presence. I'm surprised those farters didn't pull you on their show at least once."

She said the term for Terrance and Phillip in an affectionate way. The studios were across from each other so Ike didn't doubt that they interacted before. For all he knew, Terrance banged her too.

"Phillip brought it up once. I declined."

"You're something else, Ike Broflovski. I have to say though, once this all cools down, I would love to see you on TV."

Ike smiled before politely bidding farewell and giving his thanks once again. He made his way across the road, loosening his tie and tugging his shirt out of his slacks. He slipped into the studio and glanced at the sign that was usually blaring red when the team was taping. Much to his pleasure, it wasn't.

Phillip might have seen the interview then.

"She was practically putty in your hands." Ike whirled around and smiled brightly at Terrance and Phillip. The pair looked wary from their job which was usual at the end of the day but Phillip visibly brightened at the sight of his young lover. Terrance had his usual asshole smirk. "I especially loved your reaction when you called her 'Ms. Sirop'."

Ike rolled his eyes, "Pardon me for having manners," He told the older black haired man before looking at his boyfriend curiously, "Did I do okay?"

Phillip smiled, "You did great."

Ike felt himself blush pleasantly.

The subject of the 'L' word hadn't come up since Phillip spouted it on the phone. Ike didn't mind because he really wasn't sure of how to react. His insides were delighted at the thought of the word and he got lightheaded and almost euphoric. He was almost positive he reciprocated those feelings but Phillip hadn't said it since and he didn't want to seem like an idiot thanks to a possible verbal slip up on the phone.

"You did bring up an interesting point about the holidays though," Phillip started as he wrapped an arm around Ike and strolled towards the dressing rooms, leaving Terrance to flirt with a tour guide trainee.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, what are we going to do? Visit your family again?"

"Oh God no."

Phillip laughed as Ike's face paled at the thought, "I hate holiday travel anyway," He snickered, "And the prices are up since it's already….what two weeks to Christmas?"

"And Hanukkah starts in three days."

"We better get cracking on plans and gifts then." Phillip grinned before planting a sloppy kiss on Ike's cheek.

The younger made a face, grinning as he wiped his cheek. Phillip laughed and dragged Ike into the dressing room where he gathered their stuff. The sight made Ike's grin grow. Lately he'd found that more and more of Phillip's things have been finding a place in his apartment. Just the other day he stepped in Purry's litter box, causing the watching cat who was unfortunately still around rumble with delight. On the bright side, with Phillip's things came Phillip, and the blonde had already told Ike that he took care of the light bill just the other day.

"Shall we go home?"

"Where we'll continue our discussion on holiday plans over some Kroff Dinner?"

Phillip beamed, "Sounds like a date."

Ike took a humorous look of realization on his face "I think it might be."

The blonde just laughed and dragged his young lover out of the room.

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_Oh my goodness, I'm so excited for the Christmas chapter. =D_

_And reviews please, I'm practically begging because they make me happy and make my soul complete._


	27. Christmas

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park_

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Ike wasn't exactly sure how it happened because just a few weeks ago, it was unnaturally warm out. On December twenty-second, the snow started lightly and silently, barely sticking. But now, on the twenty-fifth, or Christmas Day, it was a thick blanket that was halfway up to a few of his neighbors' small cars.

Ike yelped as he was yanked back down onto the bed and Phillip buried his face in the younger's neck and wrapped his arms around Ike's waist. "Merry Christmas," He mumbled.

Red faced, Ike quickly relaxed in Phillip's arms and leaned against him, "Merry Christmas," He replied lightly.

Phillip twisted and found Ike's lips. The black haired man issued a small moan as his lover deepened their kiss and wrestled his tongue. Ike soon found himself pulling Phillip closer but whined when the blonde pulled away, resting his forehead against Ike's. "We have guests coming soon," Phillip whispered, "I'd hate to have them wait outside."

"We'll finish tonight?" Ike asked hopefully.

Phillip grinned, "You're going to wear this old man out with your hormones."

Ike snorted, "You make me sound sex crazed."

"You and Terrance do have a bit of a resemblance…"

"And we're ending the conversation at that."

Phillip laughed at the annoyed expression on Ike's face and hugged the young man closer.

Ike absolutely loved festive Phillip. The blonde had been in a perpetual good mood since the interview two weeks ago, talking of nothing but the holidays and spending them together. He was delighted when Ike let him light the candles for Hanukkah and was practically a five year old when they put up and decorated their small tree. Phillip also insisted on at least three presents for each person.

Purry leapt up onto the bed and shoved himself in between Ike and Phillip before nuzzling the blonde lovingly. Phillip laughed and scratched his cat while Ike rolled his eyes and got out of bed at the sound of a knock at the door.

Leaving Phillip with his demon cat, Ike shuffled down the hall in his long pajama bottoms and long sleeve shirt. He peeked through the peep hole and grinned before opening the door to allow Sally and Terrance in. The young woman happily hugged her friend and kissed him on the cheek before offering him a bag of boxes.

"Merry Christmas, here are your gifts from me." She said in a light and cheerful tone. "I won't be here all day, I'm afraid. I need to visit Mother and Bob too."

"Ugly Bob," Terrance corrected.

"Daddy, not on the holidays."

Terrance rolled his eyes and offered Ike a couple of surprisingly neatly wrapped presents. "Happy holidays," He stated before making his way to the couch and plunking down.

Ike went to set the presents under the tree, completely convinced that Sally wrapped for Terrance. Until he saw the disaster that was her gifts. He could wrap better than what he held in his hands when he was three. He finished distributing the gifts under the tree and smiled as his friends sat comfortably on the couch. "Want anything to drink?" He asked.

"Hot chocolate?"

"Booze?"

"Daddy!"

"Hot chocolate?" Ike laughed and made his way to the kitchen to make the drinks. "Where's Phillip?" Terrance called out to him casually.

"Flirting with his cat again," Ike called back casually.

"I am not!" Ike grinned and peered out as his boyfriend. Phillip was standing in the enterance of the living room, ruffling his blonde bed head and wearing a shirt and boxers. "Morning Sally, Terrance," He greeted.

"Morning Sleeping Beauty." Terrance teased.

Sally giggled, "Good morning, Phillip."

Phillip grinned and sauntered into the kitchen. Kissing Ike's cheek, he took two of the four mugs of hot cocoa the younger was making and made his way back out to the living room to give to his friends. Ike soon followed, giving Phillip his mug before sipping his own drink happily.

"So when do we open presents?" Terrance asked.

"Wow, you just rush right into things, don't you?" Phillip asked.

"That's what she said."

"Daddy!"

"Sally? Why must you scold me on Christmas?"

Ike glanced at Phillip in amusement and the blonde shrugged and winked. The younger man backed to the tree as the father and daughter argued and he picked up a random gift. "From Terrance to Sally." He called out before tossing the present to Sally.

She clumsily caught it with her free hand and beamed at her father. Terrance smiled back and nodded, giving silent permission to rip the gift open. She handed him her mug and did just that, gleefully squealing at the sight of a dress box and then a dress itself. It was green, the shade that made Sally seem to glow, and it was obviously expensive just by the look of it.

Sally smiled brightly and hugged and kissed her father. "Thank you so much, I love it and I can't wait to wear it!"

"Well there is that big fancy Terrance and Phillip anniversary party coming up…" Sally squealed again and hugged her father before looking at her dress adoringly. Terrance grinned and looked to Ike. "Next gift?"

Ike fished through the presents, "From Sally to Daddy." He grinned and tossed it to Terrance, "Seems fair."

Terrance managed to catch the gift without spilling the cocoa and laughed as Sally then took the drinks from him.

* * *

As soon as Sally left, Terrance demanded that Phillip break out the liquor. A few hours later the men were experiencing a nice buzz, drinking enough to feel the effects of the alcohol but not enough to become stupid idiots who would lose all memory of Christmas Day.

Ike and Phillip were laughing at something that Terrance had said. Phillip was relaxed on the couch with his friend and Ike was comfortable next to the now present free tree.

"You know, Phillip, we forgot a present."

Ike tilted his head curiously, glancing at the tree.

"You know, I think you're right, Terrance."

"But…the tree is empty…" Ike stated in confusion.

Phillip gave him a mischievous look and got up before disappearing down the hall. Terrance patted the cushion next to him and Ike hesitantly moved and sat down, thoroughly confused about the situation. It got more confusing when Terrance affectionately ruffled his hair.

Terrance was never affectionate towards Ike. He liked Ike, the younger man was sure of that, but he never actually did anything to show that.

Phillip came back with a wrapped box in his arms and grinning. He sat down next to Ike and put the box in the younger's lap. The wrapping was obviously Terrance because it looked so neat and professional while Phillip's was just a bit sloppy at the ends. Ike was previously convinced Terrance paid someone to wrap his gifts until he recalled the older man saying something about buying wrapping paper a few weeks ago.

The wrapping paper was different from the rest, a nice and shiny red with a big blue bow on top and a tag reading 'To Ike, From Terrance and Phillip". It amused Ike that even though he was Phillip's boyfriend, the names just had to be written in their proper order.

"Well, are you going to open it?"

Ike glanced at Phillip with a confused expression before carefully opening the package, not exactly sure why he was feeling so wary. Terrance was relaxed next to him, leaning back against the back cushion of the couch and drinking while Phillip was leaning forward to watch Ike unwrap the gift.

Ike tossed the wrapping paper on the floor, pulling his feet back instantly when Purry shot out and attacked the ribbons of the bow with claws out, most likely a ploy to attack Ike while looking innocent in front of Phillip.

God, he hated that cat.

Ike stared at the white box before peeling the lid off and pushing aside the tissue paper. He stared at the contents in amazement.

The sweater was a light blue. Almost baby blue with a thick black 'I' on it's front. The ends of the letter were slightly crooked, much like how Terrance's 'T' was crooked on the shirt he wore for the job. Ike pulled it out of the box and stared at it in sheer amazement.

"Well?"

He looked to Terrance and then to Phillip and then to the sweater again. "I…I don't….wow."

"I think that means we did good, Terrance."

"Looks like it."

Ike blinked his eyes rapidly, fighting off the prickling sensation. "Thank you." He managed, "I…I don't know what to say."

Phillip rubbed his back comfortingly, earning a grateful smile, "I think you said enough."

"Yeah, now go try it on."

Ike grinned and got up to do just that.

* * *

_Yaaaaaaay, I've been waiting to do that part for like...MONTHS. _


	28. The End Before The Beginning

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park_

_LAST._

_CHAPTER._

_D8_

* * *

Ike, wearing his 'I' sweater in delight, offered Phillip a cup of coffee as the blonde sat down from rehearsing for the pair's next episode. Phillip gratefully accepted, smiling at his young boyfriend in thanks before taking a sip.

It had been two weeks from Christmas and Ike almost obsessively wore the sweater; only taking it off to wash, change into pajamas or when Phillip picked on his obsession. Today was a day where Phillip just smiled at Ike whenever he saw the sweater on the young man.

"Rehearsal looked good," Ike commented as he leaned against his lover.

"Mmm, could be better."

"How so?" Phillip merely shrugged in response and sipped his coffee again. Ike stared at him for a moment in confusion but brushed it off, "Are you ready for the big party tonight?" Ike asked curiously.

"Oh yeah, it'd be great if the Channel didn't invite fucking everyone." Phillip replied in a sour tone.

"You mean…"

"Yes, that bitch is coming."

Ike sighed, understanding exactly why Phillip was so upset. This was a party in honor of Terrance and Phillip's success. Katherine Queef would be the last person Phillip would want to be there since her show had once tried to snuff out his career and she was now focusing her power on destroying his relationship.

"Well, it'll be okay. We can show everyone how happy we are and they'll be like 'Oh, that Queef woman is crazy. She must be jealous of how awesome Phillip and Ike are. Let's give Terrance and Phillip more money because they're better and babies don't come from butts.'" Ike encouraged, "And then she'll leave in a huff and we'll live happily ever after."

Phillip smiled at that, "Happily ever after?"

Ike's face grew red upon realizing what he had said, "Only if you want to." He mumbled.

"Oh, I want to."

Ike darkened but nodded, "Me too."

Terrance called for Phillip from across the room and the blonde sighed and got up, kissing his young lover. "Mind picking up my suit from dry-cleaning?"

"Not at all."

Phillip smiled and set aside his coffee before joining his co-star on the set. Ike watched for a moment, getting the familiar euphoric feeling before quietly making his way out into the hall.

His phone buzzed with the promise of a text message and he made his way out of the exit before reading it.

'_Terrance asked if you could make a cameo in the annivers. epi. Think about it.'_

Bridgette Sirop's words echoed in his ears as he tucked his phone back into his pocket and made his way out into the public street.

* * *

Everybody who was anybody in Canada was at the party. Even some stars from the States came to celebrate Terrance and Phillip. It was strange because the anniversary episode wasn't even made yet. They were celebrating in advance, most likely because Terrance and Phillip were always in such controversy that they didn't know what the future would hold, so they thought ahead.

At the moment, the two were cackling at one of their own fart jokes as a crowd of people laughed joyously along with them. Sally stood next to Ike, positively glowing in her green dress from Terrance. Every time someone complimented it and how she looked, she'd laugh bashfully and proudly tell them that it was a gift from her father.

"When I met you, you weren't as quick to boast about Terrance," Ike pointed out.

Sally smirked at him, "Well, you of all people should know how things between people can change."

The young man laughed and nodded, "True."

"So will you save a dance for me?" Sally asked, swaying slightly just to make her dress flow.

"Don't I always?" Ike asked back.

She smiled brightly, "Of course."

"What does Ike always do?"

Ike and Sally glanced in surprise at Phillip as he casually strolled up to the pair with a grin on his face. Terrance was behind him, stopping to get a glass of wine from a waiter.

"Dance with Sally," Ike explained.

"Mmm, you do," Phillip replied, "Makes me wonder why they haven't started rumors about a torrid affair between you two."

Sally barked out an uncontrolled laugh, "That's preposterous!"

Ike grinned and looked at Sally, "Really? And how is the idea of me dating you preposterous?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Well…" She started, realizing what she'd done, "First of all….Daddy wouldn't let me."

"Daddy wouldn't let you what?"

Sally smirked as her father approached, apparently glad to have back up in this discussion, "You wouldn't let me date Ike if her were straight." She explained.

"Yeah, I would," Terrance replied with a casual shrug before sipping his wine. All three looked at him in utter shock and confusion. "What? He's a good kid and it's completely hypothetical."

"Yes…well…" Sally fumbled for a moment before looking at Phillip, "If you notice how much Ike dances with me, why don't you dance with him."

The blonde's face brightened slightly, "Well…I…"

Terrance smirked, "You'd always grip about it when they danced."

"And it would be very romantic. Especially since your relationship blossomed at a party like this." Sally added.

Ike suddenly saw a very strong resemblance between the two as Phillip fidgeted next to him. He glanced at his lover curiously, "You know, I don't even think I've ever seen you dance at one of these things."

"Well, I don't really…"

"Don't say you don't dance," Terrance scolded, "We've seen enough of the old shows and movies."

Phillip fidgeted again and Ike smiled, "Is it because this would be our first dance together?" He asked curiously.

Phillip brightened, amazing Ike because he'd never seen the blonde act like this. It was actually very endearing and he would've loved to watch Phillip more but the two were abruptly shoved to the dance floor by Terrance and Sally.

The resemblance was growing strong and strong between those two.

"This is revenge, isn't it?" Ike asked, eyeing the Stoots.

"Why, Ike, whatever for?" Sally asked innocently.

"For those times we made you and Terrance do a father-daughter dance."

"Yes, yes it is." Terrance replied before giving another good shove. "Now dance, dammit."

Ike and Phillip glanced at their so-called friends and then each other. The whole room was watching now. The other dancers stopped, conversations quieted. Ike spotted Katherine Queef watching them both like a hawk and he couldn't help but glare at her. Phillip must've spotted her too because he glared before glancing at Ike and offering a reassuring smile and pulled the younger boy close.

It was awkward to say the least. They'd never danced before and it was more of a hug while they shuffled their feet than anything. Soon enough conversation started up again and dancers started dancing again and the couple learned to relax.

Ike peered up at Phillip with a grin, "I got your text, you know."

"Yeah?"

"And I've been thinking a lot about it…."

Phillip grew a curious and hopeful look, "And?"

"And I'd love to." Ike replied, his grin growing as Phillip tightened his grip on the younger boy.

"That's great, Ike."

"Yeah."

They were silent for a moment, indulging in the feel of each other's warmth before Ike carefully looked at his lover again, eyes locking with Phillips. His fingers nervously ran over the scar on his hand.

"Hey…Phillip?"

"Yes Ike?"

"….I love you."

The blonde beamed at the younger man before pulling him in for a passionate kiss. They suddenly stopped caring about the people in the room watching them, Katherine Queef, the press, the skepticism, the rumors, and the doubt. They got lost in each other until air forced them apart.

"I love you too, Ike."

The End.

* * *

_Ahhhhhhh! It's over. Oh goodness gracious, it's over!_

_Thank you so much style lover, John-SP150, pixiegirl100, Shannello, Hot Monkey Brain, Limn, Mrs. Pirrup, let's point out the obvious, Akatsuki Feathers, serpentrose, xSnowxBirdx, Emo-Nerdy-Insane-Writer, Lems, tazzr., and The Cupcake Whoa-man for all of your awesome reviews. _

_Special thanks to Speedy and KyleisGod for helping me keep my sanity during this story, I love you guys. _

_See you next fic!_


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